The house was quiet and Eddy was staring up at the ceiling. Several days had passed since he saw the therapist and finally got the sleeping pills. The only problem was when he didn't want to take them. When he felt the need to punish himself for something stupid he had done that day, or when he stopped himself from taking any because his mind was screaming at him to take too many. He had almost laughed at idea when it formed. He had still googled how many he would need to die from it, though. Appearently, you were much more likely to get liver damage unless you combined it with alcohol. Interesting.

He knew even having these thoughts were not good and that he definitly should talk to someone about it. Waking Brett was not an option though. No need to worry him, he didn't have any alcohol anyway. He decided to talk to the camera again and shuffled into the living room to find the camera stand. For once, he was wearing a t-shirt instead of a hoodie, which made him slightly uncomfortable. He shut the door between the hallway and the living room as not to wake Brett. If Brett was to see him the way he looked now... well, that wouldn't be fun. The latest cut he had made on his left arm was so bad he had to bandage it up to stop it bleeding. It went from around the center of his underarm and diagonally down towards his elbow. It wasn't particularily long, but deeper than the other ones. Admittedly, he was scared when he saw how deep the fresh razor blade cut. He hadn't intended it to be that bad, but once it had happened he didn't really mind. It didn't hurt any more than the other red streaks, it just looked worse.

He snapped his phone into the tripod stand with a sigh. What would he even tell the stupid camera? Nobody watched these videos, so what was the point? He pressed record anyway and went to sit down on the couch.

"Hey", he said in a silent voice as not to wake Brett who was sleeping across the hallway. It was quiet for a while, only the C sharp from the fridge humming in the background. The bandage was visible on the recording and he checked out how it looked. "Well, as you can tell, I kind of went... uh... deeper... tonight." He showed the bandage to the camera while touching it lightly. It stung a bit, but not as bad as he thought it would from the look of it earlier. "It wasn't really on purpose, but I got a fresh blade and well... it just sort of happened. I don't care, I probably deserved it." He felt dead inside, just like all the comments Brett got about looking dead inside. Brett wasn't dead inside, he was the most lively person Eddy knew. The dead one was Eddy.

"Also, I've been thinking lately... that..." He turned to look away from the camera. Saying it made it more real than he thought it would. "That maybe it would be best if I just... disappeared, you know?" He bit his lip and fiddled with a scab that had formed on one of his older cuts. "No more bothersome grey cloud, you know? No more worrying about me..." He looked down. "No more annoying clingy idiot, no more... no more Eddy." Tears was pressing on as he spoke, and the scab he had been fiddling with started to bleed.

"Fuck that", he sobbed at the scab while he heard the sound of Brett opening his bedroom door. Quickly he grabbed his phone from the stand and stopped the recording. He looked around, desperate to find something to cover his arms with, but he found nothing. The closest thing to cover up with was a decorative pillow they had lying around, but he decided it wouldn't help at all. 

Brett entered the living room after slowly opening the door and peeking inside.

"Eddy? Why are you up?" he asked in a concerned voice. His hair was a mess from sleeping, and he was only wearing a pair of sweatpants and a worn out white t-shirt that showed most of what was underneath, even in the dim living room. Eddy couldn't help but blink one extra time after the attempt to blink his tears away at the sight, but his mind quickly put him back in his place.

"I uh... c... couldn't sleep", Eddy stammered, again getting scolded by his mind for his idiotic behaviour. It was just Brett, his best friend. He kept calling him his best friend, but he was sure Brett would call someone else HIS best friend. Brett had many friends, and surely Eddy wasn't that special to him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Brett said in a soft voice while going over to sit next to Eddy on the couch. He hadn't seemed to notice the camera stand being propped up on the table, luckily. He didn't want Brett to find out about the videos. He didn't want Brett to have any more to worry about.

"It's fine, I'm fine. Just not tired, that's all", Eddy lied, trying to seem as fine as he wanted Brett to think he was. He most definitly wasn't, though. He felt Brett's careful fingers trace the edge of the bandage on his left forearm, just barely touching his skin. It made Eddy shiver.

"What happened?" Brett asked, his voice breaking up. He was concerned, of course, but had noticed how Eddy shut down when he showed how worried he really was and was trying not to let it show. Eddy shook his head, but didn't pull away from Brett's touch.

"It was an accident." Eddy wasn't completely lying when he said it, but it still caused Brett to sigh.

"Was it?" Brett asked, not really buying it. How could he hurt himself so badly he needed a bandage by accident in the middle of the night without making enough sound to wake him up? No, it didn't make sense.

Eddy was quiet for a few seconds, concidering what to say next. The tears pressed on again. Once again he had made Brett worry about him, which was the last thing he wanted.

"I didn't mean for it to be that deep", he finally admitted in a low voice, looking away from the guy in front of him who every once in a while caused his stomach to do somersaults.

Brett on the other hand was relieved he actually told him what was going on for once and not shut him out like he normally would. He carefully put his arm around Eddy and pulled him into a hug the taller boy gladly accepted.

"I know you didn't, I'm sorry for bothering you about it", the older boy said while stroking Eddy's hair carefully, allowing him to break down into sobs in his arms.