I wake up to in the middle of the night, my eyes were puffy, my nose was blocked and my head was drastically heavier then usual.

Yesterday's unexpected antics had left me completely drained physically and most definitely emotionally.

My eyebrows had risen out of shock when the clock read 2 am, Is been asleep for hours!!

Flopping back down on the bed there was no way I was getting up, i had no desire to leave this bed not for anything or for anyone.

I rolled over to my side and stared blankly out the window, normally the stars in the sky would soothe me but not tonight. The darkness of the sky had only reminded me of Ivan's eyes and the cold crisp air resembled his heart.

Just as expected my thoughts were consumed by my so called mate, my sweet dreams had been replaced with pain filled nightmares and hurtful memories.

There really was no chance I could ever forgive Ivan for what he had said, there was no excuse for the the way he spoke to me.

I know going into the forbidden area was wrong, I'll admit it I went looking for answers but got a lot more then I bargained for. I broke his rules so I had to pay the price, even though it was unbearable it was was I needed to make my decision, to find out where I stand with Ivan and how really feels about me.

I hate him. I can't love a man that is so evil.

I'm going to leave this house and never come back, Ivan won't have to put up with me and I won't have to see him ever again.

All I needed now was a plan, Tasha and Nicole would have to help me, there is no way they will say no especially after what they witnessed.

My house would be an obvious place to go so I couldn't go back there, I was thinking somewhere out of sight and unpredictable like.......Rosalie, the witch I visited a few months back.

She would be perfect, we got on well together besides I've always wanted to live in the forest, something about being close to nature soothes me.

Turning back over to my back i let out a heavy sigh.

Facing towards the door I mentally debate whether I should get a drink or not. I had been out cold and there was a chance Ivan had returned last night. Do I take the risk and go out hoping that he's out or do I stay in here and dehydrate?

Dehydrate it is, there was no way I was going to put myself in that position. Ivan could still be in his evil dark mode and to be frank I don't think I could handle another one of his outbursts. Seeing him was an obstacle I wasn't planning on overcoming yet, my wounds were still fresh and emotions were all over the place.

I could unleash a wrath of anger and outrage or burst out in tears and cry like a little baby.

Pushing my face into the pillow I try my best to fall asleep only this time I hoped I didn't wake up.

---------next day

It had been two days since the argument. I've never slept so long in my life, I woke up occasionally to mope around and feel sorry for myself.

My stomach furiously growled as I threw the covers off of me. I can't remember the last time I ate.

Ivan hadn't returned and I was certain I was alone. The possibility of running into him was still there but my hunger was growing unbearable.

Slowly I stand to my feet, my knees buckle causing me to drop the floor.

Who would of thought spending two days straight in a bed could result in you forgetting how to walk!

It had taken me a few moments to get myself together as I shook out my legs and rose to my feet again.

My clothes hadn't been changed in a few days and I was feeling incredibly dirty. Looking in the mirror it was a truly disgusting sight, my hair was a mess, my eyes were baggy, my makeup was smudged and eyes were dull.

Clearly this whole situation was taking it's tole on my body, I straighten out my hair then pull it back into a high ponytail, using my jumper sleeve I wipe the remaining make up from under my eyes. It will Have to do for now, once I get a little food in my system I'll get in a long warm shower.

I reach for the door handle but suddenly stop. Voices were being heard from another room and foot steps neared my room.

Without a second to waste I run back over to bed and jump back under the covers, facing the other way whilst covering my face.

"Where is she?" A manly voice asked

The moment I had been dreading for the past couple of days was about to become reality. The voice I heard was Ivan's.

"Ivan don't go in there" Colts familiar voice replied.

"Get out of my way!" He shouts causing me to jump

"No way! I'm not letting you anywhere near her you bully!!" Nicole shouts

"We're her friends and we would rather die then let you hurt her again!! So take your psychotic bipolar ass somewhere else!! Asshole" Tasha defends

"Tasha stop!" Lincoln shouts

There was loud banging coming from behind the door followed by a high pitched "put me down" and an angry "let go of me".

It all went quiet before the clicking sound of the door opening echoed in the room.

Silence fell as I waited for a miracle to happen.

"Rogue"

His voice was soft and delicate almost like a fearful child. I was unaware of how I would react to being near him again, but hearing him say my name had only made me sad, it was so upsetting that a my eyes began to weld up and my bottom lip quivered.

I bit my lip in attempt to stop a whimper escaping my mouth but it didn't stop the eager tear from slithering down my cheek.

"Come on let's go Ivan, its too soon you're only going to make things worse for yourself "Colt stated as he tried to take control of the situation

"Get off of me" Ivan bit back

The beating of my heart increased as he inched closer to me.

"Rogue" he repeated. Even though I couldn't see him I felt him reach out to me, I felt it deep in my stomach and I instantly jolted up.

Heartache was all I felt as I stared into those well missed jade green eyes. He didn't look scary at all instead he wore a scared expression, as he cautiously studied my face.

I've never seen him appear so innocent, the baby blue shirt and grey suit pants had given him a warm and calm appearance. But from what I've learned looks can be deceiving no matter how much you want to believe someone is as perfect as the picture you've painted, nothing is ever as it seems.

He stepped forward whilst holding out his right hand.

"Don't come any closer " holding out my hands in attempt to discourage him from taking any more steps in my direction.

"Don't be like that" he replies back

All the pity I was feeling towards Ivan and now gone, now i was mad.

"Don't be like that! Don't be like that! Are you insane, do you have any idea what you've done to me! Since I met you all you've done is ruin things, bully me, push me around and hurt me! I've tried everything to make this work, I talked to my friends, your parents, I've read books but nothing has worked, don't you dare walk in here like nothing happened, you hurt me and you have the balls to look me in the eyes and tell me don't be like that.... how about you don't be such a monster, how about you don't kill people ever thought about that!" I scream at him.

Tears were now streaming down my face as let out my anger.

"Don't cry" he asks as he looks away

"You're the reason why I'm crying, you've broken me Ivan, isn't that what you wanted?! Or was it just my tight little Virgin pussy that you were after!" I argue back, reciting his words.

"Stop!"

"What's the matter Ivan? Don't like what you're hearing? Well guess what neither did I when you pinned me up against the wall!"

"I didn't mean it" he replies

"Are you sure about that because it sounded pretty believable to me!"

"What about all the things you say about me....do you mean all those things is well! Am I really that horrible?!" He retaliates

"Horrible?! No i don't think you're horrible Ivan, I think you're vile! The very sight of you makes my skin crawl, you make my stomach churn! Horrible doesn't even come close to describing you, evil, despicable, murderous, hideous! I think they are a little more suitable to suit the infamous blood sucking Ivan Stone don't you!"

Shock is all over Ivan's face, but his silence only makes me angrier.

"For so long all I've done is forgive you, you hurt me and then I forgive you. We kiss and make up then something else happens and to top it all off during this eventful process I found you've been lying to me again!"

"And how do you find these things out Rogue?! You like to stick your nose in where things don't belong, I told you to stay out of the cells and you got beaten so badly you almost died!! You weren't supposed to be near lockdown in the forbidden area but once again you couldn't fight the temptation so you had to go take a look. What was you expecting to see down there? A bunch of vampires sitting around painting nails and braiding hair!! You can't break the rules all the time and expect there not to be consequences.... I can't even trust you to stay out of trouble! Every time we have an argument or a disagreement I have to have the whole fucking mansion put on lockdown just incase you want to pull a fast one and decide to runway again!" He argues back

"Don't turn this around on me, I'll admit my mistakes unlike you, I know when I'm in the wrong. I break the rules but around here I only seem to get any answers by finding them out myself! And you are in no place to question my trust Ivan, you came back in Christmas Day and told me that you had your powers under control! But just like everything else that comes out of your mouth, it was a lie!"

"It wasn't a lie"

"Liar!" I spit back

"It wasn't a lie!" He screams back

I stand and wait for a response, I wipe away the reaming tears. Ivan runs his hand through his hair whilst his other hand remains on his hip. A sigh escapes his lips as he rubs his forehead.

He was taking too long to reply which was driving me insane.

"Speak!!"

"It wasn't a lie alright, I had them under control... I did. I'm getting stronger by the minute, I'm twice as fast, I'm twice as stronger right now then I was last night, things keep happening and I can't stop them. I was fine all day, Colt called me to lockdown, everything was fine. The men had already been chained up, I was just going to see what happened. One of the men had said something in Italian and I blanked out, I woke up this morning covered in blood, Colt told me what happened so I came straight here after I cleaned myself up"he confessed

Confusion was covering his face as he paces back and forth.

"You blacked out.... that can't always be your excuse Ivan, you're a grown man when are you going to take responsibility for you actions. You can't go around hurting people and causing chaos wherever you go to then wake up having done the damage just to blame it on your powers" I respond

"That's not fair Rogue"

"Not fair?! That's awfully rich coming from you Ivan, the things you've done haven't exactly been very FAIR now have they?!"

All my sympathy for Ivan had vanished the only thing I was feeling right was anger and hatred.

"I can't control it...that's my reason....what about you what's your excuse for sneaking around being sly. Can I not trust you to do what you're told, what's it going to take for you to realise I keep secrets and hide things to keep you safe" he replies

"Keep me safe?..... Who's going to protect me and keep me safe from YOU!!! Your the only real danger in this place Ivan. And once again you have no place to question my trust, you want to trust me when you're the one with the secrets!"

"I wouldn't hurt you Rogue and you know that-"

"No actually I don know that, I can't guarantee my safety when I'm around you, not when you're like this. You could kill me without even lifting a finger, you could do a lot more then hurt me, how do I know that I won't become your little chew toy or one of your sacrifices!" I cut him off

"Don't!" He bellowed back

The power and anger behind his voice had caused me to jump, i clearly touched a nerve as his body twitched with anger.

"Don't you fucking dare! I may be an evil monster but I wouldn't hurt you. Not intentionally, I've never put my hands on you nor will I ever and I'll put my life on it. Do you really think I would stoop so low as to hit my mate! I'm a lot of things Rogue but a women beater is not one of them, I have morals believe it or not. God forbid the day but if I ever raise my hand to you then you'll receive my permission to have your way with me. But right now let's get one thing straight I don't want this subject to be brought up ever again"

Mid speech he had managed to lowered his voice and control his anger which is a first for Ivan, but that meant nothing to me now.

"Alright so you would never hit me but that doesn't stop you from hurting me emotionally and mentally. A bruise will fade but a hurtful comment lasts a lot longer, to me there's no difference, pain is pain!" I defend

"Stop shouting Rogue, I'm standing right in front of you" he calmly States as he moves closer

"Don't tell me what to do Ivan, I'm shouting because I'm angry and the only way you seem to listen to me is if I'm screaming at you, but even then I'm highly convinced your attention is focused somewhere else"

Ivan walks over to my bed and sits downs. He buries his face in his large hands and let's out a sigh.

"What do you want rogue?" He asks

"I want to be happy for once, you aren't the only person who's been alone, the difference between us is that I'm tired of it I want to have somebody there for me, to call my own, to grow old with, someone I can build a life with, its cliche I know but it's what I want....its what I deserve, can't you just give me what I need, is that so hard to ask?" I confess

Ivan raises to his feet as he walks towards me. A source of hope and despair grows inside of me as he inches closer. I didn't want to forgive him........but I had to, he was my mate there was no running from it.

My body experienced the usual antics whenever Ivan was near me, the butterflies, the sweaty palms and the thumping heart. The closer he got the weaker I got.

He reached out his hand to caress my cheek, using his thumb he brushed the fallen tear from my face. Using his other hand he tucked a strand off her hair behind my ear.

He leaned forward and pressed his soft lips to mine,this kiss was different to others we had shared, it felt sad and longing, like he was trying to treasure this moment....it felt like he needed this.

Lips disconnected from mine leaving me empty, I wanted more...... I needed more.

"I can't" and with that he disappeared leaving me empty and broken.

A warm tear falls down my face and i close my eyes.

"Ivan" his name escapes my lips, it wasn't like the other times, it was a plead, a whimper of pain.

The familiar feeling poured through my body once again......loneliness