I don't remember walking out of the crevice

I don't know if someone had to pull me out

But everything continued to move in slow motion

No one understands those movie scenes

Until it happens to them

The happy ones

And especially the sad ones

I could still feel the sensation

Of penny's hands under mine

It was under my fingernails

Under my skin

Everything smelled like him

Everything felt like him

I hadn't regained my body's physical conscience

I didn't want to

Because I knew deep down

That I would hurt even more

Than I already was

I could feel Rebeca's hand intertwined with mine

As we made our way out of the tunnels

The way I had done before

Multiple times

Yet this time

I couldn't remember the way

It felt like I was leaving something behind

Because I knew I was

I looked back constantly

Almost like an instinct

I don't know what I was expecting

Maybe I was hoping

To see Penny's silhouette standing there

Waiting for me

Like countless times before

I could feel Rebeca's voice

But I couldn't hear it

I didn't want to

I wanted to drown in my sadness

And get it over with

The sun illuminated the sky

As we made our way out

I wish we would've died back there

It would feel better

Than I did right now

I could feel the earth under me

The crunching of leaves

The softness of the soil

Oh

How I hated it

I didn't want to feel the ground

For the next 27 years

I didn't want to feel myself

Grounded anymore

I wanted to be numb

Completely numb

I wanted to be stuck in the air

Like Penny had left me earlier

27 years

I wanted to float

End

Book I