"He's one of my mums exs," I say in an almost whisper, breaking the silence between the both of us. Justin and I had been laying on my bed for at least 20 minutes before I had spoken.

I had occasionally heard him inhale ever so slightly a few times, trying to speak. Either that or he has gastro maybe. But it was so obvious he hadn't the slightest clue as to what he could say. I suppose he decided to just wait for me to be ready. So once I was, he shot up from his position like he'd just awoken from a five year coma, and he rested his head on his hand, wanting to hear more.

Picture that one scene from grease 'tell me more, tell me more'

"You've never talked about your parents previous partners..." he said.

"And for valid reasons, sweet," the stupid, cheesy pet name loosened him up a little. He knows I only refer to him as Justin and Justin alone when I'm really upset and/or angry. But back to my previous statement, it loosened him up a little, until he took in what I said. He stayed silent then, "Clinton Matthews, wasn't a very nice man..."

I managed to piece together a smile. AHA. There are a million and one nasty, horrific, shitty things I could say about this.... well nasty, horrific, shitty man.

But instead I chose 'wasn't very nice'. I could get run over by a car and still be like 'omg it's ok they are probably late for something I rlly hope they make it in time'.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Justin says with furrowed eyebrows. God bless his soul, honestly.

How I would love for him to take me right here right now on this bed... but instead I pull the friend zone card on him because I'm stupid and want us both to suffer in silence for stupid reasons.

How the fuck did I get to fucking him? Honestly my minds amazes me with how quickly and easily I can switch between a million and one thoughts going a million miles per hour. Enough with me being all rapey, I apologise.

I shake my head at him and smile. He should know, perhaps he will be able to understand why I have the mindset I do. Not the rapey one, the Virgin Mary one that pushes him and his abs away. More than he already does anyway.

I'm still laying down at this point, but I turn my head back to the ceiling before I speak again, knowing I won't last a second if I'm looking at Justin.

God I'm such a baby.

"Clinton Matthews came into my life when I was 16. He dated my mother for a year and half before they became engaged and they were engaged for 46 days before I realised what a monster he really was. See, when you see certain things you've never experienced yourself, you become blindsided and oblivious. Like seeing my mother with a black eye, for instance. She said she'd been on her phone, distracted, when she ran into a pole and I didn't even think twice about it. Or perhaps when she wore a scarf for a month straight in summer back home because she wanted to hide the bruises on her neck that no one could see let alone question why she was wearing a scarf in the first place. She's never told me everything he did to her and I only know as much as I do from the night she left him and that was the first and last time I ever heard about what he was like. That night he, um... he..." I was stumbling on my words by this point and on the verge of breaking down completely and I hadn't noticed until Justin placed a hand on mine.

"Hey, hey, stop for a sec, okay?" He said softly, "breath," I inhaled and exhaled slowly.

"He um... he strangled her until she became unconscious," I felt my eyes water and I turn away from Justin as he laid beside me, holding my hand. Keep in mind I haven't spoken about these events to anyone before, ever, "I don't know why... it didn't matter why, it should never have happened in the first place. But he thought he killed her. So, I suppose out of fear, he came to my room and. I, I don't remember much, I tried to block it out. But he um, he looked angry and scared, I knew he had anger issues but, but this time was different. He made his way over to me and, he um... I can remember him punching me once across my cheek before I blacked out. I'm not sure if he did anything after that, and I don't want to know either, but the next thing I remember was hearing my mum sitting next to my crying and seeing the police walk around my house. Next thing I knew I was in the hospital talking to my mum about what had happened before he assaulted me. And then the next day we left the hospital and he was never spoken of again."

It stayed silent for a minute or two as Justin tried to process everything I had just told him.

"But, um... that was 3 years ago now..."

"That doesn't matter," he sounded mad but still spoke softly. I turned to him with blood shot eyes to find him covering his face with his hand, "it doesn't matter how long ago it was, he should never have come anywhere near you."

My hand made its way to his arm to touch it softly and he removed his face from his hand. He had a sympathetic frown on his face, if that makes any sense at all, and he sat up. I followed and he pulled me into a hug as he stroked my back and held my tightly. A few more tears escaped my eyes as I tried to focus on my breathing.

"I did have a restraining order against him," I mumbled into his shoulder.

"Did?" He kept his strong hold on me.

"It expired after 2 years, we thought he'd have been long gone after then..."

"Well I'm filing a permanent one for you and your mother, I promise you will never see him again, Gray, okay?" I nod my head against his shoulder and we stay in that position for a solid 10 minutes.

When I pull away, I take a minute to look at Justin. He's way too fucking good to me. No, he's too good FOR me. Never once has he let me down, except of course for that one minor incident where he didn't tell me who he really was... but that's just lols now. How he fuck have I been blessed with the opportunity to call him my best friend?????? I don't recall winning the lottery???? And yet somehow, somewhere along the line, I blinked my eyes and now I'm the luckiest girl in the world. If you had asked me a year ago how I could possibly become famous I'd have thought I'd accidentally make a porno with some gross guy from a club or like get a friend to video tape me making a pun about some stupid shit and get you tube famous?? They are 2 completely different ways to get famous i apologise like it would probably be the pun one not the porn hub one omg.

Well I've forgotten what my point was now there's too many things going on in my head, and I haven't spoken to Justin in like 20 minutes We're just staring at each other. Omg this is so embarrassing fucking say something grace you look like ur about to pass out or piss yourself FUCKING SAY SOMETHING.

"I want to sing into you now," his eyes widen.

OH FUCK.

•••

Hello thanks for 9k boys, also I apologise for the wait on this one, a couple of thing hit me in the feels bc they're a bit personal so it took me a few days to write it without being a pussy about it.