Ana

Any fear I'd ever felt in my life would never compare to this moment. The door knob turned and this is it, this is the moment my life ends.

And then the moment was over.

Justin came in with wide eyes. "Did you find it?"

I let out a shaky breath. "Yeah, I got it." I held the key up in my hand. "Thanks for scaring me, you asshole."

I watched Justin bite back a laugh. "Sorry. Richard's going out so we're good. He won't be back for a little bit so you can go."

I shouldered my way past him. "I didn't go through all of this trouble to not even see the infamous attic." I could hear Justin's grin when he says, "Alright then."

The attic's bigger than I expected. But it's filled from floor to ceiling with boxes and huge trunks-and dust. I can't even imagine the bugs and rats that were surrounding us.

"Wow." I muttered.

"There's a lot in here. I barely even remember any of it." Justin said. "Lately, I've been feeling like I'm losing connection with my mom, like I'm forgetting her. After she died, and Richard took over the house, he had all of her stuff packed up here. I think this is the only place where I can try and feel her again."

"And he has the audacity to keep you from coming here?"

Justin sighed heavily through his nose. "There's a reason. Every question I-we-have ever had about him may be explained through something in these boxes. I need to know." He looked back at me. "You don't have to help if you don't want. It's pretty stuffy up here."

I ignored him. "So where do you want to begin?"

It's a lot of heavy shit. Personal and intimate. A lot to take in all at once and so quickly. Justin's eyes scanned over every picture and every memento with careful eyes.

"She was a packrat." He didn't look up at me. "She loved to keep everything because she felt it could come to good use one day." He held a small leather notebook up. "Listen to this."

"May 12, 1988

Mrs. Stock told me during English that it'd be a good idea to keep a journal. Mom keeps calling it a diary. But I'm not five and I don't need to write about my crushes and all of my little secrets in a dumb book. And I swear if Richard finds this and shows it to his stupid friends I'll beat all of them up.

Ever since Dad surprised us by bringing Richard home last summer, everything's gotten worse and worse. They were okay in the beginning and he was actually pretty nice. But now that he's in high school, he thinks he can boss me around. And he's always giving me these weird looks. We're just two years apart and I've been here a lot longer than him. I don't think Mom would think twice before kicking him out since she's made it obvious that she's not really happy he's here.

But he is my brother so I'm trying to give him a chance.

I raised an eyebrow. "Bringing Richard home? Where was he?"

"My mom and Richard...they had different moms." Justin flipped to the next page in the notebook. The ink on the pages ran together a bit as the corners were starting to yellow. "But my grandma didn't know about Richard. But then his mom passed and he had no one else so my grandpa went to get him and he lived with the family."

"Sounds like your mom and him didn't get along well."

Justin shrugged. "Seems like Richard doesn't really get along with anyone." He looked back down. "I don't even know if my grandparents are still alive or not. They kicked my mom and dad out after I was born so I don't even remember them. I wish I did."

"I think I should go." I said. I had been hanging around for too long. "But um, good luck. With everything. I hope you find what you're looking for."

Justin looked up at me with big eyes. Not even bothering to hide his disappointment. "I do too. See you around, Ana."

Justin

I put the key back where Ana found it before Richard came back. I took two notebooks from the box to stash in my room since I didn't know the next time I'd have access to the attic. I vaguely remembered Mom writing a lot when I was younger. I'd just never known what she was writing about.

Things were still tense with Richard from our fight. I'd been keeping my distance since he put his hands on me. If he felt any remorse, I had no idea. But I was seeing Susan tomorrow and that had to scare him.

"We never really talk about Mom." I said that night as we were washing dishes together. As Richard rinsed and I dried, I watched him from across the kitchen counter.

"What would you like to talk about?"

I shrugged. "Nothing in particular. I'm just acknowledging the fact that we rarely talk about her. And I'd really like to not forget about her and act as if she never existed."

"You and I both know that's impossible, Justin. Stop being dramatic."

"Nothing's impossible, Uncle." I'm taunting him now. "I mean, it's pretty easy to forget that she ever lived in this house considering we don't talk about her-"

"Enough," He snapped. "Please, just-what do you want from me Justin?"

I shook my head. "I don't want anything from you. But I lost my mom and I don't care how long it's been, that's not something I can forget-"

"And how could I possibly forget? Yes, you lost your mother but I lost my sister as well and I was as torn as you were. But it's been years and the world continued to rotate and life kept going so we just had to go with it. We can talk about your mother whenever you want to. You may not agree with some of my decisions but I've never restricted that so do not make it seem like I have out of hostility."

"She's gone and I feel like I barely know her." I said quietly.

Richard sighs. "What do you want to know?"

"How did you two get along when you moved in with her family? Was it awkward or did you get along right from the start?"

"Let's talk and work at the same time." He handed me a wet plate. "It was awkward for the first few years I lived in that house. My father had left us and now I was living in a house with him and his family so I was angry at him. His wife hated me and made sure I knew it every second of every day. But Pattie was the one I'd gotten along the best with. Maybe it was because we were so close in age, I'm not sure. But I felt like an intruder. So yes, it was awkward."

"Did you love her?" I asked.

"I grew to, yes. We both grew up and matured and found that we had things in common. We became friends."

"And you got used to being an older brother?" I wanted to know everything. If I could have any piece of my mother, anything at all related to her, I'd take whatever I could get.

"I'd never really felt a brother/sister connection with Pattie. It never felt like the same blood ran through our veins." Richard said thoughtfully, like the words slipped without meaning to.

I raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean? Like you always felt distant?"

Richard stiffened just a fraction before looking over at me. "We can talk about this tomorrow. I think you should head up to bed."

"But-"

"Go to bed, Justin." Richard said sternly. And any trace of bonding we'd had in the last five minutes vanished as he turned his back to me, closing him off for billionth time to anything personal.

Hope you liked this chapter! A lot of good stuff is about to start happening and I'm really excited.

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