Testing Fate

Part 21

*Justin’s POV*

The funeral didn’t go as well as I planned. Honestly, I don’t know what I expected to happen seeing it was our first and only son’s funeral but it seemed to only bring Selena down more. It got so bad we couldn’t even go to the burial; I knew seeing that would tear Selena up even more than she already was.

It had been 12 days since our baby was taken from us and me, being me, tried to think of another way to get Selena out of her fun. Today’s attempt was to take her to Brayden’s grave for the first time.

I had been there a few times since the funeral since it was on the way to my house so I would stop while I went to get clothes from my house stopping to put new flowers on when I could.

“Baby, I’m taking you somewhere and I don’t want to hear you complain. You’ve been cooped up in the house for day; you need fresh air. You don’t even have to bother putting real clothes on. Your sweats are fine,” I said holding her hand as I rubbed it gently with my thumb.

She nodded and pulled her hair up into a bun pulled herself up off the bed.

I gave her a small smile as we walked out to the car.

“Where are we going?” she asked leaning her head against the window.

“It’s a surprise,” I said as I began to drive.

We drove the whole way in silence before I pulled up to a walking park next to the graveyard so Selena wouldn’t freak on me.

“We’re going on a walk?” she asked getting out of the car.

“Sort of,” I said taking her hand loosely in mine.

She smiled small at me as she walked towards the track before I shook my head.

“I thought-” she said cutting herself off.

“I said we were going for a walk, never did I say on the path.”

I pulled her over towards the graveyard hoping she wouldn’t freak out to much and much to my surprise she didn’t. She, however, was slightly hesitant but she didn’t completely refuse which was good.

“What are we doing here?” she asked in a shaky voice as we walked closer to Bray’s grave.

“You need to cope. Talk to him,” I said sitting down next to the grave.

She remained standing looking at me as if I was crazy.

“Why are we here?” she asked in a bitter tone.

“It’s going to help.”

“How will this help?” she scuffed

“It will just try,” I said looking up at her.

“Really? Is this going to bring him back? No. I will never get him back. I will never get to see him smile or hear his laugh. I will never get to see him play or tell him he’s growing up too fast. None of this,” she said gesturing to the grave,” is going to help. Because in the end, when you lose somebody, every candle, ever prayer is not going to make up for the fact that the only thing you have left is a hole in your life where that somebody you cared about used to be,” she said before walking back to the car not bothering to look back.

*Selena’s POV*

Maybe storming away was a little childish, and I get that Justin was just trying to help but that wasn’t the way I was going to be helped. Honestly, I just wanted to be held. I wanted Justin to hold me in his arm and tell me everything was going to be alright even though we both know it won’t.

At the moment, it seems like the only thing that can really heal me is time and I’m going to need a lot of it. It may take some time but I have to believe that I will get better even when it seems like my world is crumbling around me.

I walked back over to the walking park that had a park in the middle. I sat on a bench watching the other children laugh and run around and play thinking about how my son would never get to do that.

I sat there watching the children, ignoring the fact that Justin had joined me on the tiny bench as I let my mind wonder.

I can’t help but wonder if having another baby would make me feel even a little better. It would not only give me a baby but it would give me something to do, taking my mind off things. Plus, Justin did say he wanted kids of our own, so why wait? Why not now?

“Selena,” Justin finally spoke.

“Please don’t,” I whispered.

“This isn’t health,” he continued ignoring what I asked of him.

“I know,” I said biting my lip as I looked down at my lap.

“Can I take you out tonight? We can go to dinner, nothing big just something that will take your mind off things.”

I took a deep breath wiping a stray tear and nodded despite the fact that I didn’t want to.

Justin was right, I needed this. This would also give me a good chance to talk to Justin about the baby.

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Let me know what you think about Selena’s baby idea. Do you think it’s a good idea or completely stupid?