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to the sunlight that leaked through the nearby window and unto his face. His eyes twitched at the intrusion, and he rolled over on to his left side, turning his back to the sleeping man beside him.

The memories of the absolute fuck fest of a night before leaked into his brain and he scowled deeply. A part of him found comfort in Katsuki, and another part of him just wanted to limit all human contact as soon as humanly possible.

But Katsuki's arm was slung around his waist, holding him in place. Izuku sighed deeply and forcefully pulled away from the grip, now sitting on the edge of the bed.

Katsuki groaned a little, stirring before opening his eyes and stifling a yawn with one hand. Deciding that formality and all things like it was pointless, he said, "You hungry?"

Izuku forced a smile. "I'm okay."

Katsuki frowned a little but decided to not comment on the obvious shift in Izuku's behavior. It was obvious that after learning something so heavy, he'd be in a shit mood.

He sat up and shuffled to the edge of the bed, now seated beside Izuku. He stared at him for a moment before Izuku's face reddened a little, and he turned his face away.

"What are you staring at?" Izuku muttered, his head still turned. Katsuki lifted a hand to touch him but decided against it before sighing.

"Feels fucking gross, doesn't it?" He asked, not expecting an answer.

Izuku said nothing.

"Maybe everything is different when it happens to someone else, but I think I know what you need right now." Katsuki stared at the ceiling. "If you isolate yourself, everything will only eat at you more. I don't...."

Izuku turned his head, eyes widening as he took in the look on Katsuki's face. His lips were set in a deep scowl, and his eyes were unreadable.

"...I don't want you to deal with the same fuckery I did."

Izuku's shoulders relaxed (when had they become tense?) and tears blurred his vision.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

Katsuki sighed, bringing his hand to Izuku's cheek, ignoring the fact that it made him flinch.

"Don't apologise, dumbass."

Silence fell between them for several seconds.

"Kacchan," Izuku muttered, his gaze lowering, "does a part of you still find me disgusting? Do you still wish you were straight?"

A pained look painted Katsuki's face, and he looked away. "I don't know where the fuck that question came from, but we're focusing on you right now."

Yes, A part of him screamed.

"Katsuki. You can't run from yourself forever."

Katsuki, now triggered, scoffed and stood up. His fists tightened and a scowl took over his face. "Where's this shit coming from, huh? We're talking about you. Don't talk about shit you don't know about."

Izuku smiled a little, well aware that his observations weren't tricking him. Katsuki's internalized homophobia wouldn't change overnight. It wouldn't disappear just because he got a boyfriend. Katsuki said himself that he wanted to learn to not hate himself. It was hard to not think about despite how hard Izuku had tried.

But Izuku only nodded. He was mentally exhausted, to begin with, so that would be a different discussion for a different day. "Okay."

The following week, everything seemed to fall into place again, to an extent. Classes were mundane and boring as usual on Katsuki's behalf. And while Izuku didn't say it, Katsuki was well aware of the fact that a looming paranoia had settled over him. He was a little jumpy now, and he was even more anxious and quiet than usual.

When it came to rehabilitation and healing, Katsuki was somewhat dark. It was ironic since he'd actually been to rehab, but he hadn't learned much since then.

So, he had an idea. A brilliant one.

"Let's go to my place," he suggested to Izuku after Thursday's class. Izuku shrugged.

"Okay."

They walked, as they often did on Thursdays since the class was close to Katsuki's dorm complex.

Katsuki opened the door and plopped down on his bed before asking Izuku to shut the door behind him. Izuku leaned on the wall and sighed.

"So, what now?"

Katsuki coughed behind a fisted hand and reached towards his dresser top, retrieving a small bag. Izuku squinted.

"Kacchan...what is that?"

Katsuki wordlessly slipped his shirt and pants off, and Izuku looked away. Finally, he spoke up, waving the tiny bag around with a shit-eating grin.

"It's that good shit, asparagus."

Izuku stepped closer, finally seeing the contents of the bag. Dried marijuana leaves. He sighed deeply, disappointment taking over his features.

"Really? Weed? Peer pressure? You're such a stereotype," he half-joked. Bakugou hummed and emptied out the leaves into his palm, grabbing a conveniently placed pair of scissors and cutting them up.

Izuku sat down beside him, now a little curious. "What are you doing?"

Katsuki found his ignorance endearing, but he avoided the question and he finished up, now sliding the leaves into a spliff wrapper. He turned to Izuku. "Wanna give it a try when I finish up?"

Izuku chuckled nervously. "I-I don't think-" he began, before pausing in thought. He was with Katsuki. He'd be fine, right? Besides, he wanted to kind of try things. A new experience was sitting right in front of him, so why not give it a shot?

"Okay," he reluctantly muttered, and Katsuki hummed as he rolled the paper in what seemed like record time, not that Izuku would know. How many times had he done this?

Katsuki grabbed a lighter and lit the spliff, before bringing it to his lips. After exhaling, he said, "Okay, some ground rules: don't just exhale, that'd be wasting it. Don't inhale too much either, unless you wanna cough up a shit storm. Got it?"

Izuku nodded, admittedly a little nervous.

Katsuki ran his hands through Izuku's hair before bringing the spliff to his lips again. He slid his hand down to his neck and gently pulled Izuku's face closer to his. He exhaled, delicate smoke escaping his lips and slipping into Izuku's.

Izuku blinked, his eyes already becoming a little watery as he fought the urge to back away. Katsuki noticed and chuckled a little, closing the space between them with a kiss. He broke away after a few seconds and traced his thumb over Izuku's lips, making the latter sigh.

Focusing his gaze on him, Katsuki whispered, "You calm?"

"I'm calm."

Katsuki grinned. "You ready to take a hit then, cutie?"

"It's not that big a deal, Kacchan," Izuku let a small chuckle out before taking the spliff from him.

He settled it between his lips, taking in as much smoke as he could. After a faint cough, he exhaled. Katsuki leaned back, watching him. "You're doing great. Take another hit," he said.

"Oh." Izuku sunk down into the bed. "Do I have to?"

"You know you don't," Bakugou said, "But you're thinking all day, aren't you? Don't you want your mind to shut the fuck up for once?"

Izuku closed his eyes for a second, inhaling deeply before reopening them. "I do. I do."

And with that, they exchanged the burning stick over the next few minutes until there was nothing left to inhale.

By then, everything was red, Izuku decided. A red that swallowed he and Katsuki whole. A red that made Izuku feel safe and happy-- a combination that'd gotten a little rare.

Katsuki was smiling. Izuku felt himself fall deeper for him. It was a smile that was unheard of and unseen. It made him feel chosen to be the one to see it. It made him feel warm.

"You're glowing," Izuku whispered, his words slow and delayed, his breathing shallow and fizzled. Their faces were inches apart. Katsuki hummed calmly, reaching a hand out to massage Izuku's cheek. His fingers threaded through the coiled strands of Izuku's hair and Izuku leaned into the touch.

"I feel so happy." The words were simple and a little slurred, but it made Izuku peer up at his partner with a renewed amount of fondness. Katsuki leaned down, and their lips connected.

Izuku gasped, timidly embracing the buzzing warmth Katsuki brought him.

They parted and Katsuki leaned back, gently tugging Izuku down with him. Izuku hovered over his partner, leaning down to slide his hands up to his neck. Usually, he'd be a nervous wreck, but the high gave him confidence.

The passage of time became a blurred murk of fluttery touches and first experiences; though they never ended up going beyond what Izuku was ultimately ready for.

"How was it?" Izuku asked lazily, his voice now raw from being used. Katsuki exhaled sharply.

"It was fucking amazing, what the fuck? You sure that was your first time....y'know?"

Izuku's face reddened as he struggled to readjust himself on the bed. "Why do you have to be so... blunt about it?"

He scratched his neck awkwardly, growing increasingly shy. "But yeah, it was. My throat is killing me though."

Katsuki cringed. "Sorry about that."

Izuku smiled lazily, resting his head on Katsuki's chest. "I liked it though. Seeing how much you liked that was... reassuring," he muttered, suddenly feeling bashful.

Katsuki grinned a little, his tone teasing. "Kinky."

Izuku buried his face in Katsuki's neck out of embarrassment, his high still lingering weakly. "Shut up," he dragged with a soft giggle.

Katsuki only peered down, noticing the soft, even breathing on his skin. Izuku had fallen asleep. "Damn, you knock out easy, huh," he muttered, pushing back the green curly tendrils of hair off his forehead.

Soon enough, Katsuki had fallen asleep too, one of his hands still caught in Izuku's hair.

________________

Hours passed. The persistent ringing of a cell phone interrupted the peace.

Izuku stirred, his eyes prying open with slight annoyance. He glanced at the bright glow that emitted from the dresser. Who was calling him at this hour?

After a few more rings, he bit back a curse as he discreetly slid from Katsuki's grip and out of bed, approaching the dresser gingerly. With one decent look, he realized it wasn't his phone. It was Katsuki's.

He leaned down, eyes squinting from the brightness.

And then he leaned back, suddenly very awake as he pursed his lips.

Why was Camie calling Katsuki at six in the morning?

Izuku picked the phone up, his brows furrowing with confusion at the caller ID's picture. It was a self-taken picture of Camie clutching onto Bakugou, his bareback facing the camera, and her bare upper half only blocked by his shoulder. Her hair was messy, her face was comfortably snuggled into his neck, and a lazy smirk donned her face.

Izuku put the phone back down, staring ahead at the wall. He inhaled and exhaled. A million excuses immediately popped up in his head, but his conscience pushed them all away.

He turned around, glancing at Katsuki, before turning around to stare in space again.

Izuku chuckled and shook his head. "Wow."

What exactly did he expect? Katsuki, despite lying to himself and others, clearly didn't know what the fuck he wanted. Or rather, he didn't want to acknowledge what he wanted.

And Izuku was now no longer different; he had a constant creeping horror of being pinned down and raped, yet he willingly did intimate things with Katsuki. It was his way of attempting to say 'fuck you' to his untreated trauma.

Izuku thought that maybe running away from intimacy wasn't the answer. And so, despite clearly not being mentally stable enough to do so, he made an intoxicated decision to force himself to be a normal, hormonal teen again.

It all felt good while it lasted. But now he was back to his sober mindset. The mindset that made him flinch whenever a stranger touched him. The mindset that made his eyes dart about, constantly and subconsciously searching for bright blonde hair and amber eyes.

A part of Izuku would then say, be a fucking man! But whether he had a dick hanging between his legs or not was irrelevant to him. It was irrelevant in general.

And that brings us here, to the Izuku that stared out the window, feeling everything and nothing at the same time.

He shook his head, slipping on his shirt and pants before grabbing his belongings.

He looked behind him, smiling at the carefree, sleeping asshole that was on the bed. What a fucking asshole he was, Izuku thought, pretending that he wasn't sticking his dick in other places.

"You better have an amazing explanation for this one, Katsuki," Izuku said, his lips irritatingly wobbling even though he willed his hurt to disappear.

"Otherwise, I am never speaking to you again."

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