"She's done it again, Tony. Both Chanel's freestyles are in the top 5 most played songs on iTunes, and the new single Cursive is spreading through the streets like fire." Radio DJ, Sylvie speaks on Hot 99.

The van bobs and glides with the road and Devin sits next to me with a pleased smile on his face. One a little bigger than mine.

"Straight out of Brownsville, always knew Brooklyn held the most talented." Tony responds.

"Hell yea." I speak excited under my breath.

Blaco is in the back dealing with paper work I've been told not to worry about, he's also been on the phone with different radio DJs who have been trying to interview me since Pop Off Freestyle got the buzz.

The two stop talking and the beginning of Cursive starts up for the third time in the last hour. I quickly go to my snapchat and hit record as the excitement steadies itself through my veins.

I click the large button on the bottom of the screen and scream as loud as I can.

"I'm on the radio Mama, I made it!" I laugh.

I let go of the recording button and it plays back. I post it to the 50,000 snapchat fans and continue dancing to Cursive.

The mixture of conscience rap and old school hip hop felt so natural to me. I was pleased to have it as the single, especially considering there were three other songs I created that didn't even come close to this one. People accepted the simplicity of it and Flex made the beat while Mac mixed and mastered it. I didn't know it would get this reaction from people so fast.

The mixtape is well on the way to being legendary.

"That beat is insane man, everything you needed." Devin comments as the song dies down to an end.

"I know, Flex went hard." I shriek.

I've made a lot of money the last few days, mostly from the Pop Off Freestyle streaming. Every time I look at my bank account, another thousand dollars gets added. I send some money to Ma and Trevon's family when I can, Blaco and Atlantic Records profit a god percentage of it.

My stomach grumbles and the van bobs as it rides over possibly a small animal.

"Yo, where are we going again? Cause I feel like we just driving deep into the mountains." I say sipping my water. "Black people don't be in these parts."

"You have a small performance at a legendary place called Cooley's. Do the freestyles and Cursive and then we will head out. This is easy money and exposure." Blaco says patiently. He had probably explained this to me twice already.

I've never heard of Cooley's but everyone else in the car did and they were visibly excited to go.

I'm suppose to be opening up for an alternative rap band called Purple Kush. I feel that we have been driving for close to two hours and not only am I starving but my bladder was struggling against it's capacity.

I squeeze my thighs together.

"I remember when I used to get that response." Devin says quietly.

"What?" I ask annoyed. "Me almost pissing myself?"

He shakes his head. "Never mind."

"Good cause you sound crazy." I chuckle.

"Here." Big says as he pulls the van into a large parking lot. The place is huge. It takes some time for my eyes to adjust to the darkness outside but I realize that we are at a University.

"Cooley's is a college? I didn't know that." I say as we climb out the car.

Hair and make up pull up in a silver car behind us and one of the girls holds my outfit in a zipped up bag.

"It's a college and a small performing venue." Devin responds pointing to the place across the street.

A small building with warm lights inside catches my eye and we begin to walk towards the venue everyone seems so excited about.

When I get in, it seems like a normal bar at first but as we head downstairs, a large club-like room opens out before us with a stage upfront.

The definition of underground.

Amazing graffiti art is splashed along the brick walls and the stage is only slightly elevated above the floor. My audience was right there with me, barely any separation.

I felt the adrenaline now, the little nervous pang that I use to remember that this is a real moment.

Hair and make up don't take too long. I put on custom made jeans and my leather jacket with an assortment of gold necklaces, my lips look plush from the lip gloss and my eyebrows are so fleeked out that I have to double take when I look in the mirror.

I meet Purple Kush and immediately know I might never be able to tell them a part. All four of these young men look the same. I can tell they are high out of their minds and briefly I get to reminisce about smoking with Bizzy.

They greet me and I hug them each. Blaco prepped me on how their fan base is becoming so massive that it might be good to stay friends with them and maybe do some kind of collaboration later on. I take it into consideration and make conversation with the lead singer during sound check.

As students start pouring onto the floor in front of the stage, I can already tell that this is going to be a great show. The pay for it isn't half bad either. We are getting $5,000 just to perform three songs and be hype on the stage with Purple Kush.

Before I go on stage the crowd erupts into applause and when I walk out the energy fills me up. I am no longer myself, but I am this super woman who is fearless and energetic.

This sex symbol, this powerful brown dragon spitting fire.

My 30 minutes are up and I am sweating so much that Blaco gets a wash towel and dries me himself.

The high that performing gives me has no relation to anything else in this world yet. I turn my head to the side as Blaco carefully dabs my face, attempting not to mess up my make up. I guess my make up team has already left.

"Killed it." Devin comments.

He hands me the water and I gulp it down.

"Your phone was ringing off the hook by the way." Devin says handing me the small device.

I check the phone and see ten missed calls from Trisha.

Ten?

I search my brain attempting to think of what could possibly be so important that she would call me ten times.

"Come on, we have to get you back to Albany to rest. Studio time tomorrow." Blaco says ushering me to the van and momentarily interrupting my thoughts.

I attempt to call Trisha back multiple times on the ride home but my phone service chips in and out.

Eventually sleep takes me away and I do not realize when or how I get to the comfort of my own bed. I cannot tell if I saw Devin close my room door behind him or if that is just a dream I thought up while unconscious.

______________________

There is darkness all around me and a gold plate up ahead on a small podium. I cannot see the ground below me but the podium is standing so there must be something holding it up. As I walk towards the gold plate shining and glimmering, I can barely feel my feet move. The closer I get to the plate, the farther it seems. I walk for what seems to be forever and the gold plate shrinks in size as if I am walking backwards.

My next step forward is not met by a floor beneath me and I fall into the darkness.

I jump out of my sleep with cold sweat on my forehead and a jagged gasp.

My phone next to my head rings constantly and I pick it up quickly and slide the green button to the right to answer Trisha.

"Hello? Trish, I'm sorry. I meant to call back but I fell asleep after the show. My-" I begin but she interrupts.

"You need to get down here. Right now." She says in a voice I do not recognize. It is cold and off putting and it stirs something in my stomach that makes me nauseous.

"What happen?" I ask fully awake now.

"Get here as soon as you can." She says again.

"Trisha! What's going on? Please tell me what's going on." I scream into the phone. I jump out of bed and begin throwing on whatever clothes was visible. Tears forming at my eyes already.

"They shot up Flex and your mom down at the house. They were looking for money." She croaks as tears take her words.

I drop my phone as shock pulses through me, something inside me rips and a sharp pain cripples my side. I realize soon that the sharp pain is my side hitting a sharp part of my bed, because in a few moments I was on the floor, laid out and sobbing into the plush carpet.

"You're fucking lying to me right now." I say but I know she can't make out the words.

I crawl to my shoes and push my feet into them without socks.

"Trisha, what do you mean?" I give up on lacing the shoes when my blurry eyes can no longer see anything but built up water behind my eyelids. My words are breathy and hard to understand but Trisha continues.

"They know you send them money, they know they being taken care of. You know how much these niggas out here be hating. We don't know who did it." She continues.

Every word rips a piece of my stomach out.

My fault.

My fault.

My fucking fault.

I should have known better.

I'm the reason.

"Are they okay?" I ask barely audible then realize that Trisha cannot hear me and that the phone had slid under the bed. I crawl under and pick it up. I drop it again before my shaking hands can manage to steady it by my ears.

"Are they okay? Are they okay, Trish?"

"I don't know, they won't give me any information at the hospital."

"I'm coming right now."

I hang up the phone and finish putting on my clothes. The trembling has spread from my hands to my entire body and I am suddenly freezing cold.

My eyes still blurry I trip over my coat and grab it from the floor.

"No." I scream it into the night until my voice goes hoarse and it is interrupted with coughing.

I pick up my phone and dial Devin and at that same moment someone walks into my room.

I jump afraid of the figure that is fully dressed and waiting.

"Let's go." Devin says with a stern face.

"You stayed here?" I ask looking at him confused but so thankful and then my heart tears.

"They shot Ma and Flex up, they shot up my Ma."

I stumble to him and wrap my arms around his abdomen and bury my face in his shirt then let the worry consume me until my body falls limp exhausted by the sobbing.

His arms are firm and comforting but the pain rips through me like bullets in the night.

"Let's go, Chan. Come on." He says into my hair softly.

He has to carry me to the car and I spend the 4 hour drive to Brooklyn soaked in tears. Not saying a word to Devin, not reacting when he tells Mac what happened, not breaking down when I hear Mac sniffling on phone.

We arrive at Brookdale Hospital and cameras and paparazzi are already outside.

"Put up your hoodie." Devin mumbles to me. I do as told and after he parks in the parking lot, we get out and walk through the front entrance. The sun rose on our way here but it is cloudy like it is about to rain and it's so cold that the tears seem to freeze on my face.

"Chanel!" Calls one man with his camera. I do not look his way as he pulls the attention of the other photographers to me.

Soon my name echoes around me in different pitched voices.

"Chanel, please give Flex our regards."

"Chanel, how are you feeling right now?"

"Does your new found fame have anything to do with Flex's death?"

The last interviewer shouts and I turn around swiftly to look but Devin grabs me and pulls me inside.

"He's dead?" I scream at Devin who's face has turned so red, I think he is about to explode.

"No, they don't know that. They're just trying to get to you." He tries to calm me.

I wipe my tears as a knot appears in my throat.

"Fuckers need to mind their business." He spits.

He walks up to the help desk and they immediately escort us to the waiting room and ask us to wait for the Doctor.

I see Trisha sitting on the chair with her arms folded into her and red eyes.

She spots me and gets up so I can curl up and cry.

"What happened?" I ask over and over but I get no answer.

"What the fuck happened Trisha?" I yell.

"I heard gun shots and one of the neighbors called me and said it came from your house. I asked Pookie to come check with me and when we got there-" She breaks down and I untangle myself from her and sit down, my head pressed into my lap.

No one says anything else for a few minutes. They wait until I calm down but I can't. Ten minutes pass and I can't stop shaking.

Devin steps closer to my chair and I don't know where it comes from but I scream at him.

"Don't come near me. Please. No one fucking come near me right now."

I wipe my eyes and move my hair out of my face. "Fuck." I breathe.

I decide to walk to the bathroom and pull it together. If just for a few moments. I wash my face, only to start crying again in seconds.

"Stop it." I say out loud.

Someone exits a stall and looks at me oddly then leaves.

I wash my face again and this time take a few deep breaths before. I fix my clothes and fan the redness from my eyes.

When I return Trisha is asleep and Devin is up speaking with the nurse.

"I'm sorry sir, I can't give you any information. I really don't know what to tell you." She responds as kindly as she can.

"How much longer before I can speak to the Doctor?" I ask. My voice steady and not shaking this time.

"I'm not sure, hopefully in just a few minutes." She says calmly.

Trisha is awake again. The hospital floor is empty and it is just us in the waiting room.

"Where's Pookie?" I ask concerned.

Her face crumbles and she huffs as she begins to cry again.

"Looking."

My heart falls.

Of course.

Of course he was out looking for whoever did it.

I take out my phone and call him. The last thing I needed was for half the people I love and care about to die in one night.

He answers.

"Pookie get your stupid ass to the hospital right now!" I yell into the phone.

"What are you going to do? Go after all them boys ya self? Does that make fucking sense to you."

"I'm not by myself. Don't worry ima handle it." His voice is distant, like he's already done something he can never come back from, like it doesn't matter what I say.

"Pookie, please just come to the hospital. Trish needs you, I fucking need you right now." I say angrily.

"I'll be there tonight." He responds and then ends the call.

Trish gets up and leaves in the direction of the bathroom and I sit with Devin trying not lose my mind completely.

The Doctor comes out of a room right in front of us.

"Are you Ms. Little? " He asks.

"Yes, my Mother and her boyfriend are in there. Can you please tell me what's going on?" I ask. I don't realize that I am holding Devin's hand tightly.

"My name is Dr. Ben I will be who you receive any updates from today. I can give you information on your Mother but I can't release information on Mr. Brian." He speaks cautiously.

I nod quickly.

"Okay, how is she?" I ask impatient.

" Your Mother is currently in surgery. She is alive, they are removing two bullets from her shoulder and leg. Luckily, no major organs were hit." His gray hair and sagging face in that moment looked so beautiful.

I smile briefly and nod. "Okay. That's good. Thank you."

"But she did hit her head. We wont know the impact of the head injury until she is out of surgery and awake. We are very glad she is alive." He says to me.

I wipe my eyes and look at Devin who gives me a supporting smile but I see the worry behind it and he sees the worry behind my smile.

The Doctor watches as my eyes shift to the room he just came out of.

"Mr. Brian is alive as well. I'm sorry, that is all I can tell you." He whispers.

I thank him again and he leaves. We aren't due for another update until hours from now. But the waiting is easier this time. Now that I know that there is a possibility of them surviving. I pray and pray. The nurse brings me food but I can't eat.

"We are very glad she's alive." Dr. Ben's words echo.

"Y'all gotta stay alive for me. Y'all suppose to get married. I'm suppose to be the 19 year old flower girl." I whisper into my hands. I wipe the tears from my face quickly.

"Please, God." I mumble.