This was it, the work I wanted to lose myself in since I started this whole music thing. The business I wanted to get consumed in. This was it. I was finally doing all that I dreamed of, both with my poetry and with my music.

In the past few weeks, I have been working with Mac to make the most amazing album. I used my poetry for the interludes. There are three interludes on the entire album but I was thinking of adding one more. I've been writing day and night; songs, poems, music. Aside from Ma, I've had very little communication with anyone else. I haven't done my hair in what feels like forever, I've only showered daily because Devin has literally pulled me out of the studio and thrown me into the shower. Devin's been making sure I eat too.

I guess I was beginning to forget the very important parts of being a human. Sometimes I hold my breath when Mac plays the song we just finished because I feel like if I so much as breathe, i'll miss a part that could have been sung or rapped better.

Devin reminds me to do that too.

Mom gets out of the hospital some time this week, I asked them to keep her in there just for a few more days until I can get the place ready for her. I don't want her anywhere near our old house. It wasn't like our old house was all that anyway. I don't know why she loves that place so much.

Flex has another two weeks at least. Mom says that he woke up yesterday but he is still very weak from such invasive surgery. He mumbles little words and that's something to be thankful for. Unlike Ma, Flex remembered everything immediately but he didn't cry. Something tells me he's been through worse.

Blaco has been reaching out to me often with different ideas for features on the album. A lot of the features were other upcoming rappers but I turned all of them down.

We sit in the conference room for the third time today alone. Blaco sits across from me with his laptop open and as he scrolls through possible features he glances at my face. I try to look at least optimistic but I don't think it works because the tenth time he looks up at me, he sighs deeply and leans back into his chair.

"So you don't care for any of these people?" He asks in disbelief.

I bite my bottom lip and turn the laptop to myself. I scroll down a few more names and glance over at what they were charging.

"I don't think any of them fit the theme I'm trying to go for here, Blaco. None of them are catching my attention." I shrug and sit my chin on my palm. I use my other hand to scroll farther down the list.

"What about a pop artist on the charts now?" He questions.

"Like who?" I ask looking away from the list.

"Hmm.. Mila London." He says with little thought.

Mila London. I've only listened to a few of her records and it was by accident. They were playing Mila's songs one the radio nonstop a few months back, she was hot but not as hot as I currently am. She's mixed with black and white, her hair light brown and her skin tanned. Her green eyes and button nose as well as large pouting lips really had the media going insane. Even though her song was a bit played out, I had started seeing her face all over magazines and red carpets.

Blaco's face lit up.

"Usually you would object by now. I see you thinking about it! This is good." He sings.

I roll my eyes.

"That doesn't mean I won't still object." I answer.

"Yea, but what's there to object about Mila? She has a large fan base and it's growing, just like yours. You guys are the same age, you're both beautiful and easy to love. I think the fans would love to hear you collaborate. It would be a smart decision." Blaco finished.

I take a deep breath.

I don't know why but something in me, something deep within me doesn't want to work with her. Maybe it's growing up in the hood that gives me special instincts or maybe I'm just very good at reading people but I am still hesitant.

"What song of mine can you even see her on right now?" I ask. Blaco was in many of the studio sessions just vibing with Mac and I. He knew many of the songs, he even knew some of the words better than I did.

"Take my love. I think if she was to sing on 'Take my love' that you would have an instant hit." Blaco concluded, his finger jamming into the glass table. I lean back in my chair and sing the chorus of 'Take my love' to remember how it sounds. Take my love was the only song on the album that even resembled some kind of pop. It was upbeat with crazy drums to start it off. It made you want to dance.

Blaco watched me, his eyes hopeful.

"Baby, don't play you know I'm yours. Take my- take my -t-t-take my love." Blaco begins mumbling.

I smile and motion for him to continue singing the chorus. I try my best to channel Mila's squeaky high voice and after he sings one line, I sing the follow up line.

"Baby, try me. You know these guys only like to play. Take my - take my- t-t-take my l-l-love." I sing in a voice that would resemble me squeezing my nose.

Blaco laughs.

"You messed up. She doesn't sound like that." He shakes his head.

I laugh at myself. She doesn't sound exactly like that but it was close.

If things went the right way, Blaco was right, it would be a hit. The Pop Off Freestyle alone brought in a good $55,000 and that's just off online streaming and downloads. Mechanical royalties are probably another $50k.

"Alright, contact her." I say after a few moments. Nothing wrong with the money the record will make, not like I have to see the girl often. I continue scrolling through the list.

Blaco chuckles and I look up.

"Sweetie, she has already reached out to us." He says deviously.

I feel my eyebrows point down in confusion.

"She has?"

Blaco nods.

"She said she's wanted to work with you since she heard the first hit on the radio." He shrugs and turns the laptop to me so I can read the email.

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" I ask reading the email from her manager.

"Because I wanted to see if you liked any of the other artists on the list. She reached out yesterday morning."

I go back to the list of artists and notice that I have almost looked through all of them. I continue scrolling until I see a huge picture of a brown skinned man with long hair, tattoos running down his arms. The familiar eyes stare at me as they once did in the back of the limo. His pink lips holding the blunt between them. His firm hands ripping off my pants and underwear in the dimly lit bathroom.

"Oh yea, Bizzy was one of them. What do you think about a collaboration with him? You guys seemed to be cool with each other." Blaco interrupts my thoughts and I notice that I stopped scrolling.

I immediately continue until the list has ended.

"Nah, he doesn't fit the theme either." I answer shrugging.

"Okay, Mila it is. I'll reply to this email and send her the 'Take my love' track. When you see Mac tomorrow morning, remember to have him send over the beat." Blaco nods and turns the laptop back to him. I see his fingers moving jet speed as he responds to Mila.

"Okay. I'm gonna head home and get some sleep for once." I say checking my phone to see the time.

8 PM. It was an early day compared to the others.

I get outside and Big is waiting with the sleek black car. I climb in and we pull off. I don't notice that I've fallen asleep until I feel my body being laid down onto my bed. As my eyes flicker open, I see Devin hovering over me.

"Big didn't want to wake you and I was already here." He explains.

I close my eyes and lay my head back down on my pillow.

"You know you're kinda creepy." I mumble as I fall back asleep. "Thank you." I try to say before the sleep pulls me completely back in.

_____________________________________

I wake up to vibrations from my phone at 11 PM. An unknown number.

"Hello." I answer quickly.

"Hey." The familiar and soothing voice wakes me up.

"Mmm, hey." I let out a breath and I can feel the smile stretching my face though my eyes are still closed.

"Did I wake you?" He asks.

"Yea but there's no other way I would ever want to wake up." I answer honestly.

It's silent on the other line which causes me to sit up in my bed.

"What is it? What's wrong?" I ask ready to go in panic mode. After receiving the phone call a few weeks ago that almost shattered my entire life, it was hard not to worry.

"Chanel, they're offering me an early release." He speaks like there is something stuck in his throat.

I am fully awake now.

"Take it. Whatever it is. Just take i-"

"Wait. You don't know what I have to do." He says sucking his teeth. I imagine him rubbing his head, completely stressed out. I could hear the stress in his voice. The tiredness.

"What do they want you to do?"

"Snitch on Klan and them. All the shit they've done, all the people they've ...fucked with. Who else was involved in the shit that just happened to you. They're tying it all to Klan and Julius. They want to take the whole gang down."

I want to rip my pillow in half and punch the wall in. He's not going to snitch. I know Trev. The hood raised him and he knows better. I let out a hard sigh.

"How much sooner would they allow you to get out?" I ask half wanting to know the answer and half regretting it already.

"As soon as next week." He answers quietly.

"TREV!" I yell into the phone. "PLEASE TAKE THAT!"

"You know I can't take that, Chan. You know how it is." He tries to speak understandingly to me like I am some kind of child who doesn't understand the rules. I feel myself getting hot. I feel my blood boiling.

Fuck the hood and their fucked up mentality!

He was getting a chance to get released a year and 5 months early and he was so ready to pass it up.

"Fuck that whole no snitch shit, Trev! Fuck that whole system! People who do wrong deserve to get what they fucking deserve. That's bullshit! Just tell the cops the truth and get out of there! Please I miss you, I need you, your family needs you!" I scream into the phone.

"Yea? And what about Pookie? He did wrong, you think he deserves to be in here?" He questions seriously.

I freeze.

"Cause if I give them up, they give up Pookie, ain't no getting around that." Trev mumbles quietly.

"Pookie was trying to protect me. Can't he claim self defense or something in court?" I want to cry.

"It doesn't work like that. It doesn't work that way baby." He says calmly.

"I'll bail him out, I have money. Please just tell the truth, I need you."

It's quiet on the line.

"Please just tell the truth, Trev. I miss you so much. I'll lose myself if you don't get out soon."

"You won't. You be iight, you been doing just fine." He assures.

I scream into my pillow and throw the remote across the room, shattering my mirror.

"Why did you call?" I yell into the phone.

"If you weren't going to take the offer, why the fuck did you tell me ANYTHING?"I wipe my tears off my face angrily. Seeming to scrape my cheek.

"I wanted you to talk some sense into me, honestly. I miss you too. It's a hard thing to pass up and I don't really know how ima do it but ima have to make it through the rest of the time. "

I feel like my heart is in my throat. My palms are sweating and my tongue is dry.

"Bye."

"Chanel, do not hang up this phone on me."

I click end and scream.