Not every ship in the known universe had its own torture chamber, but The Muse certainly had a doozy.

Some ships had home theatres, some had personal gyms, some zoos, and others even had lavish ballrooms. Teeg didn't need a ballroom. She didn't need wainscoting or a kitchen worthy of entertaining the dreaded-but-tolerated neighbours. She needed various things to tie people up to, tie people up with, and hurt them in as many creative ways as her creative brain could create. She also liked a bit of wax fruit around for pizzazz.

Potto was tied to a nice cream-coloured vinyl dentist chair Teeg had picked up at a medical equipment rummage sale on Vex 2. It hadn't been a difficult capture, she had merely said, "You're coming with me," and he smiled and followed her, chatting about his love of Lyme Node's slight dampness and the plot of a movie that probably didn't exist but was somehow his favourite.

She laughed to herself at how this was going to be the simplest bounty she had ever bountied, and with the biggest pay off she had ever been paid off. The universe sometimes worked in beautifully mysterious ways.

She used pain and sexuality to get results, but thought she might not need either this time. However, she also knew that to underestimate others was playing a deadly game.

She walked in with as much danger, confidence, intimidation and sex appeal as she could. If she turned it on strong at first, this might be over in seconds.

"What's going through your head right now, cowboy? Are you afraid?" she purred.

"Nope!" he smiled.

What was off-putting to Teeg was not Potto's answer, but rather the honestly flippant and downright cheerful way he said it.

"You're not afraid?" she asked holding up a rusty device that looked like it could peel all of the world's potatoes in one swoop.

"Oh, I'm probably very afraid...that's just not what was going through my head right now," he smiled harder. It was a smile so sincere it looked insincere, and then so insincere it looked sincere again.

She put down the device and hauled back and punched him square in the face. Blood leaked from his nose and he looked even more dazed than he usually did.

"You like that, bitch?" she sneered.

"Now why would anyone like that?" he asked with more confusion than contempt.

"All you gotta do is talk. Why is The Node after you?"

"What's a Node?"

She picked up an old nail gun that she had picked up at a hardware rummage sale on Vex 3. She put the barrel right up to Potto's head and pulled the trigger. When she put it down Potto had a small upholstery nail sticking out of the centre of his forehead. It didn't happen often but Potto wasn't happy about this.

"OOOOOWWWWWWWW!!! That's not how you use that! It's for building decks or something!" he howled.

He strained his eyes, crossed them, and tried to look up at his own forehead. His pain went away quickly as did his displeasure. "Actually, that could come in handy! Y'know, for hanging coats..." he beamed and lost himself in thought.

Teeg was getting frustrated. Perhaps this was an act and indeed Potto was as cunning as General Eppie had warned.

"Enough games! Why did The Node hire me to capture you? And at such a high price? It's the fabled Achilles Chip isn't it? What power does it hold over him?" she barked.

Potto stared blankly. He was thinking about all the things he could hang from his forehead and how popular this would make him with the young folk. Teeg grabbed a scalpel. Upon seeing the tiny blade glimmer in the light, a metaphorical switch inside Potto's head clicked on for a moment.

"Waaaaaaaaait...are you trying to hurt me because I'm not telling you stuff you want to hear?"

She answered this by driving the scalpel into the back of Potto's hand.

"HEY! Words can answer questions too, y'know!" he scolded, squinting with brief pain.

Luckily for Potto, he was one big walking, talking endorphin. "When I want something from someone who's not me, I try being nice!" he added helpfully, trying not to sound like he was rudely criticizing her methods.

"Ah. Is that it?" she half-smiled slyly. If pain wasn't going to work, seduction most certainly would. She straddled him and leaning over, whispering in his ear the kind of whisper so sexy that makes the hair on one's arms, neck and torso stand to attention. "Is that what you want? You want me to be nice to you? I can be reeeeeeallly nice."

She gave a little bite to his bottom lip and licked his ear lobe.

"You're making my eyes water," he blinked.

"That it?"

"And my pants uncomfortable for some reason. But mostly the eye thing."

"You want me to coax the answers out...from somewhere other than your mouth?" she asked, reaching down between his legs.

Finally, a look of terror came across Potto's face for the first time in her (and almost everyone's) presence. "STOP!! Don't! Please don't!" he pleaded.

To Teeg this was part of Potto's game. She had never known anyone to say this to her and not be simply role-playing submission.

"You want me to stop, huh? You don't wanna be touched here?" she asked, intentionally timing a crotch grab to the word "here".

"NOPE! Please...you don't understand...you can't! I will kill you!" There was an increased level of panic in Potto's voice. Teeg laughed it off.

"Oh really? That a threat, or are you really that good? I think I'll take my chances." she said going in for a kiss.

Potto scrunched his face up like a sock puppet that had just magically acquired taste buds and had tried lemon for the first time. It looked as if he was trying to swallow his own mouth as she chased his lips with hers. Then his panic reached its peak and he fear-hollered, "I WAS A PRISONER ON TRACTOS!!"

Teeg froze. She had known this, yet it had slipped her mind. She backed up slowly as Potto smiled with relief.

"Well then...good. That was close. To keep us from having babies they made it so we couldn't. Some kinda needle I think...can't quite..." he started to trail off trying to fire up his brain, "...remember..." Nope. No fire.

Teeg was stunned. First of all she couldn't believe she had been so clumsy. Second, she suddenly realized that the concern that turned to panic wasn't play for Potto, that it was actually sincere. And third, this all confirmed her first instinct. This wasn't an act. Something was wrong with this man. Something very sad.

Her tone dropped and got very dry and serious.

"I checked your records. You were a genius on Quarolode. You wrote books. You invented things. I thought you were playing with me, but you're not, are you?"

The dopey confusion on Potto's face suddenly looked very sad to Teeg.

"You could've let me pleasure you. Being a prisoner on Tractos, your fluids are poison. You could have killed me while experiencing the best sex of your life, and then escaped. Win-win for you. One more hunter down. But you didn't. Why?" she continued.

"I don't do that," he muttered.

"Screw?"

"Kill."

She pulled the nail out of his forehead, much to his very temporary dismay.

"Well y'see...I do," she sighed.

"Kill...or the other thing?"

"Sometimes the other, but I always kill. I don't do the other without killing. I get whatever I want however I want, and I never do anything I don't want to do. I enjoy it. The sex and the killing. That's why I'm the best. That's why Teeg is the most dangerous. That's why anyone in their right mind would be terrified right now. But you're not in your right mind, are you?"

She was right, she didn't do anything she didn't want to do, and she was a fierce killer. However, she killed scum. She killed awful people. She killed criminals, the sinister and corrupt. She didn't take jobs where she had to kill the innocent or the downtrodden. Despite her reputation she never put herself in a position where she had to show weakness in this manner. Because of this, she turned down a lot of work so it always seemed like she was merely selective, not compassionate or weak.

Yet here she was. She was feeling sorry for her mark, had already made the commitment, and it was not a welcome feeling. She grabbed a knife and held it to his throat. She really didn't want to do it, partially because he wasn't even aware of the situation enough to look terrified.

"Please...just tell me what I want to know! I don't want to kill you, but I will," she fibbed trying not to show her desperation. Not like he would recognize it anyway.

"I don't know!" sputtered Potto. "Whatever the question, I don't know! I don't know the answers to questions anymore!"

He smiled innocently and somewhat moronically. She took the knife away.

"What happened to you, Quarol? What turned you from a genius to a...an...idiot? Oh how I'd love to know what you're blocking."

"Maybe if I retrace my steps!" he smiled. "Nothing jogs the memory like retracing steps. And everybody likes going for a walk...y'know...except fish."

~~~

Aye had started so many mornings with a hangover that he thought it was merely the natural way one felt when they woke up. It also wasn't uncommon to wake up in a strange location. For that matter, usually he didn't actually "wake up", he "came to".

He came to in shopping malls, in orthodontist's offices, in hallways and closets, in changing rooms, in trees, on far away planets, in dumpsters, on highway off-ramps, in large birds' nests, in churches, and once floating face up in an Olympic-sized swimming pool. Waking up on the floor of a throne room was new, but not surprising.

He immediately felt the pain in his face and body and gave out a moan and a cough. The moan felt good, the cough hurt his everything.

Besides the pain, the first thing that he noticed was that he was hog-tied. He tried to focus his eyes. There was a blurry body lying next to him. He was intrigued. As his eyesight slowly came back he realized it was the dim-witted Quarol. He was confused at first, but again, not surprised.

"Dickhead!!!" Potto beamed. He was also hog-tied, but enjoying it in a not-at-all-sexual way.

Vines wriggled and stretched, wrapping themselves around both Aye and Potto, lifting them off the red shag carpeted floor. Clory had picked them up with her arm branches and they were presented to a very tall and muscular warrior woman. Teeg stood proudly next to her. Gekko stood proudly behind them both.

"Have a good sleep, scum?" Teeg asked. Clory dropped them both to their knees. "Bow before K'ween!" Teeg barked at them.

Potto bowed. Aye toppled over. Teeg kicked him in the rib cage and he started crying like an eight-year-old that fell off of his bicycle.

Potto marveled at all that surrounded them. Lush draperies and tapestries hung from windows and walls; couches, well-cushioned chairs, and chaise lounges were strewn about haphazardly. Women of all species and sizes sat around with weapons of varying degrees of menace hanging from their belts. They were all beautiful in their dangerousness.

"Who are these...men...you bring before K'ween?" the large woman who talked in third person asked of Teeg.

"Prisoners. The Node has set a bounty on them. I was just going to turn them over to him, but I have a very strong hunch there is something more to this. I think it's important before they are turned in that we find out why." Teeg answered confidently.

"What is the price on their heads?" K'ween asked even more confidently.

"The Node is willing to negotiate...anything. Seems to be very important indeed."

"Anything? Will he strike our moon from the planetary maps? Will he drop the bounties laid upon the women of this moon?"

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking. But this could be even bigger than that. We could hold out for--"

"Leave them to me then."

It seemed like a good idea to seek K'ween's council before turning them in herself. K'ween was a ruthless negotiator usually. Usually. Teeg was starting to realize that bringing them here was a mistake.

"But this is BIG..."

"Leave them, Teeg!"

It was pointless to dispute K'ween, especially in her own throne room. Teeg nodded to Clory and Gekko to follow her.

Once out of earshot Teeg whispered to her shipmates, "It was a mistake coming to K'ween...but they're morons, they'll ball this up and be in the barracks before the morning. We'll steal them from there. My hunch better be right and this better be worth the death sentence we'll have on our heads if...when she finds out."

Teeg generally had amazingly accurate hunches.

~~~

General Kendra Eppie liked nothing more than ending his day with a warm pair of flannel pyjamas, a long Dickensian-style nightcap, delicious sweets, a back tickle and a good non-Blankton self-help book. This usually was his favourite recipe for a good night's sleep. Not tonight. Tonight it all seemed so grating.

He sat up in his bed, supported by a pile of lovely over-stuffed cushions, reading a worn library copy he stole of "How To Kill Friends and Eviscerate People". Freckles hop-stepped in to the bedroom with a tray of multi-coloured macarons he had baked himself.

"This is bullshit!" Eppie yelled throwing the book onto his lap. "Nothing in here on genocide, fratricide, regicide or even insecticide!"

Freckles offered the tray to him, but multi-coloured macarons did not seem so appealing on this infuriating evening.

"I'm not hungry. I'm angry," he sulked.

"Oh, goody," Freckles muttered unnoticed.

"I just can't stand the idea that there is the last of a species out there that isn't me."

"Yes, Bunny Bear...but you're the last of something much...uh...taller," Freckles offered.

"Still. It bugs me. I want the Quarol dead. I don't care what The Node says. 'Take them alive'...that's a buncha bullshit."

"The Quarol's solitariness isn't as noble as yours, Kenny. His planet simply disappeared. He might not even be the last," Freckles croaked.

"Yes, but it disappeared into the unknown universe, so he might as well be the last."

"But as I said, not as noble. The Node made his people disappear because they were traitors. You blew yours up so that you could be the only one. Apples and oranges."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You always know what to say," Eppie said, calming slightly. "You coming to bed?"

Freckles climbed into bed and sighed as he pulled the warm blankets up. "You want me to tickle your back?"

"YES!" Eppie shouted.

~~~

K'ween stood over Potto and Aye. She'd have towered over them if they were standing, but from their knees she seemed like an intimidating muscular totem pole.

She wore a form-fitting black catsuit adorned with various skulls and a belt covered in various weapon sheaths. Her long green hair was pushed back with a crown that seemed to be made out of the jawbone of some kind of creature with a terribly pronounced underbite and teeth that one wouldn't want one's children to see (even in a photograph) if one ever wanted them to sleep again.

What started off as titillating for Aye, sank deep into a feeling of dread. What started as flummox for Potto rose to an astoundingly cheery and unexpected "Hi!" that made both Aye and K'ween jump.

"It's been a long time since I had sausage," she finally said after a long, awkward silence.

Aye's shoulders dropped. Potto tried to work out what this meant. Aye smiled. Potto smiled. Both were smiling for very different reasons.

She picked Potto up and threw him over her shoulder. She pointed at Aye, and announced to the other women, "Barbohdeans...devour the dark one, I want the pale one for myself." She then carried Potto off to her private quarters.

"Come and get it!" Aye sing-song hollered. None of the women moved. One of them coughed for effect.

K'ween's quarters looked like a smaller version of her throne room. They were alone, apart from another humongous Flettocean guard. Without untying Potto, she pinned him up against the wall, his feet not touching the floor.

"I haven't tasted a man in many years," she said, inches from his face. Potto noted that her breath smelled like old books. "If I remember correctly, it's disgusting," she added.

She kissed him on the lips before he knew what was happening and stuck her tongue in his mouth. "Mmmm...yes. Disgusting." She then threw him to the floor and climbed on top of him.

"You don't know what you're doing--" he tried to warn but was cut off with more tongue. His natural defense of changing colour to camouflage himself kicked in, but he couldn't maintain a single colour and therefore flashed a dozen colours in half as many seconds. It was like fireworks had gone off inside of him, or perhaps all of Christmas had exploded beneath his skin. And all those colours were just a little paler than intended.

She stopped very suddenly. Something was terribly wrong. She felt a tingle all over her body, and not in the way she expected to. Just as quickly as she had thrown him down, she fell over herself, foam bubbling from her mouth like a science fair volcano.

The guard, who had been trying really hard not to watch, screamed a shrill emergency alarm sound that didn't seem possible for an organic being to make. In no time at all the room was swarming with women trying to resuscitate their K'ween.

"I was a prisoner on Tractos...they injected us with polysomethings. All our...uh, liquids are poisonous..." Potto stuttered.

The guard grabbed him and dragged him off.

"It was only a kiss! She should be ok! My mouth was dry because you are all terrible hosts," he called out. "She just needs some fruit!"

"You better hope so little man," the guard said, her voice a little hoarse from making such a ridiculous sound earlier. "If she dies, you will be skinned alive. Slowly."

"Okay! That's fair. And sorry about the terrible host comment. You're doing great!" Potto added.