"Have you told him yet?" Dr. Raynor asked me.

"No," I answered, "not yet."

Dr. Raynor was my therapist. She was assigned to me six months ago. A condition of the UN to forgive my crimes committed against the government.

"So, you're just stalling, then." She commented.

"I'm... letting things cool off." I responded, which was a total lie. Six months ago, the UN pardoned me under two main conditions. One was that I was to see a trauma specialist, a.k.a. Dr. Raynor- Army psychologist, for court mandated sessions once a week. The second was that the Avengers Co. was given full custody of me.

"Cool off from what?" Dr. Raynor asked, drawing my attention back to our conversation. "Nothing significant has happened since D.C." she told me.

"Ok, fine, I'm stalling." I grumbled.

I thought I would hate therapy. I always did as a kid. As a kid, therapy never helped, it only hurt, but I'm now thinking it was because of the therapist I had. Dr. Raynor had actually been a huge help these last few months. I'd never tell her that though.

Dr. Raynor was a blunt woman. She had no problem calling me out on my shit. At first, I felt judged. It took a while for me to realize that she wasn't judging me, she was keeping me form hiding behind excuses. Now, I, begrudgingly, respect the woman for it.

"Will it help you or him the longer you drag this out and wait to tell him?" She asked.

"Maybe." I said stubbornly and shifted on the couch uncomfortably. Dr. Raynor watched me for another second before snapping her notebook shut and holding it in her lap.

"The longer you wait, the more of a problem it's going to be." She told me. "Have you been working on your journal?"

"No," I bluntly said. I didn't need to keep a log of every feeling I had.

"How do you expect me to help you if you're not trying to help yourself? You're running away and your problems aren't just magically going to disappear."

She was right. I knew she was right and I hated that. I hated that I actually cared what she thought. I hated that I wanted her to help.

"How have your nightmares been?" She asked next and opened her notebook back up.

"Bearable." I shrugged.

"Ok," Dr. Raynor said, "and what makes them bearable?"

"Sleeping in three hour increments." I shrugged again and wrapped my arms around myself. "Having someone there to wake me up if things get too bad."

"Is Loki helping?" She asked. She asked about him a lot.

"Always." I told her with a small smile.

After my UN hearing we still had the issue of Loki. Everyone was still a little on edge around him, which was understandable. Steve was the first one to suggest bringing Loki back into the public eye. Tony and Bruce had both protested it, but they eventually started to realize that he was nothing like the man who attacked New York. They both knew he was manipulated, but they didn't know just how much of it was manipulation.

The hardest part about letting the public know that Loki was on earth, in the Avengers Tower, was having to tell Clint.

That conversation did not go well... at all.

Dr. Raynor helped me plan out what to say to him. She told me to give him the facts and to not dance around the subject and that's what I did. I told him straight, from the beginning. Didn't mean he had to take it well.

The public, however, took it surprisingly well, all things considered. They still feared Loki and were cautious of him, but the majority weren't calling for his death, so that was good.

"And how is he dealing? With your stalkers?" Dr. Raynor asked.

"They're conspiracy nuts." I corrected, though she was technically right. There was a conspiracy that the Avengers were forcing me to fight for them. That they forced me into HYDRA. That I was trapped. Unfortunately, there were quite a few people that believed it and have tried to 'liberate' me.

"They're stalkers." She said firmly. "And you didn't answer my question."

"He's protective, as always." I shrugged. "Nothing wrong with that."

"There can be." Dr. Raynor told me. "It can quickly turn into smothering."

"It's not. I'm happy to have the distraction."

"Distractions are how we avoid our problems." Dr. Raynor told me.

"I'm not avoiding, I'm waiting." I sighed. There was really nothing to do except wait. The team had already hit two HYDRA bases and Thor was starting to get antsy. I had just under six months before the third base was found and Ultron started.

"I'm not talking about what happens in the future." Dr. Raynor said. "I'm talking about telling Tony about his parents. I'm talking about rebuilding your relationship with Clint. I'm talking about finally showing Loki what happened at HYDRA."

"I'm working on it." I protested.

"You're not!" She countered. "You're using Loki and sex as an escape."

She was right, again. She was the professional and she was damn good at her job.

"You want to avoid talking about what happened with Bucky, fine, but you can't avoid the rest. The rest of your problems are staring you right in the face." Dr. Raynor said.

My chest pinged painfully at hearing Bucky's name. We were still unable to find him. He was just... gone. And I gave up. I couldn't look for him anymore. It hurt too much. Him not being in the tower was a constant reminder that I failed.

So, I threw myself into my work in the lab and, when that didn't work, I distracted myself with a certain god. It didn't help that I was running from all my other relationships. My and Loki's relationship was based mostly around sex right now. Tony, Bruce, and my relationship was based around work. I avoided Steve since, when he was in the tower, all he wanted to talk to me about was Bucky. Clint wasn't talking to me much. And Thor... Thor was on edge because of the scepter.

My only normal relationships were with Natasha, Sam, and Pepper. Nat and I both had our secrets and respected that we didn't want to talk about it. Sam was understanding... curious about the future, but understanding. And Pepper avoided talking about Avenger stuff. The most she ever got into it was to ask how Tony was.

"You need to talk to Tony." Dr. Raynor insisted for the tenth time this session. We had now come full circle in our conversation.

"I can't yet." I told her. "He's barely... there right now." And it was true.

Since Tony found out about HYDRA, he'd been consumed with finding them and working on new weapons for everyone. As soon as he reinstated himself as an Avenger, Pepper left him. She couldn't handle the constant worry over him, and, when she left, it broke him. I felt for them, I did, but I also knew that they would work it out in their own time.

"If you wait for the right time, you'll be waiting forever." Dr. Raynor said.

"I'm not waiting for the right time... just a better one." I mumbled while avoiding eye contact, which Dr. Raynor wasn't having. She was all about eye contact.

"From what it sounds like, there's never going to be a better time." She told me, emphasizing the last few words to get her point across. "Rip the bandaid off." She continued. "Do something this week that isn't running away." She told me sternly with a look that said she meant business. She wasn't above threatening to tell the UN that I wasn't cooperating. I doubt she'd actually do it though... best not to find out.

"Ok," I sighed heavily. "Ok..."