《As You Wish : Loki Fanfic》The Surgery
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I didn't say anything for the next hour. I just stared off and listened to the silence of the room. I didn't even move. The same place the doctor left me was where I stayed.
Nat stayed with me for awhile. She then went into the other room to check on Loki and to tell the others what was happening. She came back in about thirty minutes later.
"The guys are worried about you." Natasha told me. "Especially Thor." She said. I mindlessly nodded to acknowledge what she said. "Tony went out and bought you clothes." Nat continued and held up some clothes she had in her hands as she walked toward me. "Why don't you get dressed? I'm sure the hospital gown isn't very-"
"How's Loki?" I interrupted to ask. I still wasn't looking at her, though. She slowed to a stop and looked at me for a second.
"He's-" Nat cut herself off with a sigh. "He's all patched up."
My eyes snapped to hers in confusion and I sat up in my seat. If Loki was healed, why didn't he come talk to me? Hell, I fully expected to see the door fly open once he learned about the miscarriage. Unless...
"He doesn't want to see me, does he?" I asked and looked down at my hands in my lap.
"No," Natasha said quickly. "That's not it, that's not it, at all."
"Then, why isn't he in here?" I asked and looked back over at her. She glanced away from me for a second before clearing her throat.
"Sammee, he-uh... he hasn't woken up yet." Natasha explained.
"He-what?" I asked in a small confused voice.
"His body went through a lot and, although he's healed physically, his mind has to heal, too," Nat told me. "It's just going to take a bit of time."
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I nodded and bit my lip as I looked back down at my hands. I didn't know what would be worse when he woke up, having him yell at me, or having him understand. I didn't even understand why I kept it a secret anymore. Loki was right, they would have been fine...
... except for Pietro.
"Do you think he'll hate me?" I asked. My lip started trembling again and my eyes clouded over with unshed tears.
"No." Natasha sighed and closed the distance to wrap me in a hug. "He loves you." She told me and rubbed my back. "I've never seen anyone love someone more. He would never hate you."
"And Thor?" I asked. "He didn't even look at me either."
"He was just-" Nat took a deep breath. "-in shock, but he's worried about you. He just doesn't know if you want to see him."
"No." I said quickly and shook my head. "Not yet. I don't want to see any of them yet."
"Ok," Natasha told me calmly. "You don't have to see any of them if you don't want to."
"Thank you." I said and wrapped my arms around her waist. "I'm scared, Nat..." I sniffled.
"They're not mad at you, Sam. They're just-"
"No, Nat, I'm scared." I emphasized. "I shouldn't have fought, but Pietro was going to die in that battle and I-" I hiccuped a sob. "I traded the life of my baby and possibly the love of my life for him. I don't regret saving Pietro-" I said quickly and pulled back to look at her. "I just... I could have done it differently. I should have done it differently! I just didn't want to deal with it yet and because of that decision I lost something I didn't even know I loved."
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Natasha didn't speak, she only listened and watched me. Tears ran steadily down my face and I sniffled before breaking my heart further.
"I can't fix this, Natasha." I sobbed and held my stomach.
"You didn't do anything wrong, Sam." Natasha comforted. "What happened with Loki was an accident, and you heard the doctor... Your pregnancy wasn't a healthy one to begin with. It wasn't your fault that you miscarried."
"I just-" I shook my head. "What will Loki think of me? I killed our child."
Nat pulled back and grabbed me firmly by my shoulders, trying to shake some sense into me, but it was useless.
"You're not listening!" She said sternly. "You didn't kill your child. There was no way you could have carried out this pregnancy."
"No!" I almost shouted my frustration and pushed her back. "You're not listening! Loki has magic! He would have found a way!" My breathing picked up as my panic spiked. "Or Frigga... or..."
...Eir, I thought, Eir would have fixed this. How much more could I screw up?
"Sammee..." Natasha stepped closer carefully, like you would a caged animal. "You didn't know this was-"
"I should have known!" I yelled and finally got to my feet.
...0r I thought I did, but I didn't feel my feet touch the ground. I looked down to see that I was hovering about three inches off the tile. I sucked in a sharp breath through my teeth and dropped myself back down to the floor. I wasn't even sure how I actually did it, but I didn't want to think about it.
Luckily, I didn't have to because a knock came at the door and saved me.
"Come in." I said sharply and sat on the exam table again. The main door opened and Dr. Reece walked in. She looked between Nat and I and immediately felt the tension because she shifted nervously for a second.
"Sorry to interrupt, but we're ready for you now, Ms. Smith." Dr. Reece told me.
I nodded and looked down at my stomach. I rested my hand over the small baby bump I had as my anger dissipated and was replaced with anguish.
In the next ten minutes I was transferred to a rolling hospital bed and rolled out of the room. The nurses placed down pads since I was still bleeding. Nat wanted to stay with me, but I told her to stay with the others and update them. I just wanted to be alone.
I felt like a failure. All I wanted was to wake up from this bad dream... because that's what this was. One very bad dream.
"I'll need to place an I.V. in your arm now, ok?" A male nurse told me and slowly reached out to grab my arm. I didn't answer. I just let him do what he needed to do.
After the I.V. was placed and I was in the surgical room, Dr. Reece came over to me.
"Ok, Sammee. We're all ready to start. We're just going to place this mask over your mouth. All I need you to do is take deep breaths. Don't fight the medicine. You'll only be asleep for about an hour." She explained. "Are you ready?"
"I'm ready." I said in a small scratchy voice. As the mask was placed over my nose and mouth, I started smelling something sweet. Within a few deep breaths I felt the medicine start to affect my senses. With another full breath, darkness started to invade my vision.
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