⚠️⚠️

I opened my eyes to darkness. It had been a long time since I was here last. I looked around for the familiar glowing stones, but couldn't find them. I furrowed my brow as I started walking mindlessly through the black void surrounding me.

I felt like I was walking for hours until I finally heard something. It was the sound of a child laughing. I thought I heard it coming from behind me, so I turned to try and find the source.

As soon as I spun around, the darkness faded away and I was standing in the living room of my floor at Avengers tower. I froze and looked around the room. Everything had that fuzzy glow, that only happened in dreams, around it, but it was still my room.

While I was looking at everything, I heard the pitter-patter of little feet run along the tile behind me. I turned to see the back of a young child as she ran from the kitchen and down the hallway toward the rooms.

"H-hold on!" I called out to her, but she didn't stop.

The child opened the door to my bedroom and went into it. I ran after her and into the room, but slowed to a stop when I was passed the doorway. The little girls bare feet slapped against the wood floor as she ran to the red couch Loki always read on.

She grunted as she pulled herself up and onto the couch before peaking over the back of it at me. The small girl had piercing blue/green eyes. They were mesmerizing and contrasted perfectly with her long black hair.

I approached her slowly, to not scare her, but she didn't seem worried. It was as if she was waiting for me. When I got to the couch, I walked around it and crouched down to the girls level.

"Hello," I spoke calmly. "What's your name?" I asked. The girl had her head down, so her dark hair hid her face. She looked no older than four.

"I don't have one." She mumbled and looked up. When I was finally able to see her whole face, my heart stopped and my feet collapsed from under me.

She had my lips and rounder face, and Loki's dark hair, high cheekbones, and eyes. Her eyes had a bit more blue mixed in with the green, but they were unmistakably Loki.

I was overwhelmed with sadness and grief as I looked at this gorgeous child. My gorgeous child.

"Are you sad?" She asked. Her little face scrunching up in concern. She reached out and touched my cheek and I flinched when her cold little fingers grazed my face. "You don't have to be sad, Mama."

I clutched her tiny hand against my cheek and shook my head as tears fell from my eyes. I tried to smile through the pain, but it was hard. She was so beautiful.

"I got a present for you, Mama. That will make you feel better." She told me and held out her other hand.

Her hand was in a fist, her tiny fingers tightly curled around something. I sniffled and held out my hand for her. She gently placed something in my palm before settling back on the couch.

"Isn't it pretty, Mommy?" She asked me.

When I looked down, violent sobs shook my body. In the palm of my hand was a glowing yellow stone, the Mind Stone. I tossed it away from me like it had burned me. I wanted nothing to do with it.

"Did you not like it?" My daughter squeaked out as she tried not to cry.

I looked up to her quickly and pulled her into a hug. I held her tightly and as close as possible without hurting her. Her little arms went around my neck to hug me back while she tucked her head into the crook of my neck.

"I can find you a different stone, Mommy." She mumbled. At her words my brain spiked an idea. Maybe one of the stones can bring her back.

She smelled like strawberries and I filed it to memory as I turned my head to kiss the side of hers.

"I'll get you back." I said. "I promise I'll get you back."

For the next hour I just held her. I moved to the couch so she'd be more comfortable. She fell asleep quickly and I watched the small rise and fall of her chest with each breath she took.

Her mouth was slightly parted, her small lips pouty as she dreamed. She was snuggly tucked between my side and the back of the couch. I smoothed her dark, black hair away from her face and traced her features. She was the most perfect thing I had ever seen...

___________________________

When I woke up, I had a new goal I was determined to achieve. I opened my eyes and flinched at the bright lights in the hospital room. My abdomen ached from the surgery as I sat up and rubbed at my eyes.

"Take it easy." Natasha said as she stood from her seat and came to my side. Her voice slightly startled me and I jumped. "Sorry." She smiled apologetically.

"It's fine." I waved off. "How's Loki?" I asked. Natasha's smile disappeared as she pressed her lips into a tight line and shook her head.

"He's the same, I'm sorry." She told me. "Uhm..." she stammered. I furrowed my brows at her. I had never known Natasha to stammer. "Thor's really worried about you. Is it ok if I let him in?"

I hesitated for a second. I didn't know if I could face his judgment just yet. Although, I definitely deserved it. My eyes started watering at the memory of Thor's face when Vision told him I miscarried. He looked to be in so much pain.

"Sure..." I agreed, my voice trembling. Natasha tilted her head and gave me a look of sympathy before she reached out and squeezed my hand. She then turned to the door and walked out of the room.

A few seconds later, there was a small knock. When the door opened, Nat stuck her head in.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" She asked. I thought for a second before shaking my head no. "Ok, last chance to back out." She told me with a large exhale.

"It's ok." I said and swallowed thickly. Nat nodded before opening the door wider and letting Thor in. She gave me a small encouraging smile before closing the door and leaving me and Thor alone.

I stared at my hands as I listened to Thor's slow steps toward me. I waited for the heated words I knew he had been holding back all day, but they never came. After a minute of complete silence, Thor reached out and cupped my cheeks. I flinched, but didn't pull away from his touch. He gently lifted my head up, so I'd meet his watery gaze.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He asked softly and wiped away a small tear that escaped my eye with the pad of his thumb. "I could have helped you."

"I'm sorry." I said and broke down. He quickly wrapped me in a hug and I clung to him desperately, afraid to lose him. "I'm so sorry." I cried. "I thought I could do everything, but I was so wrong." I told him. "God, I was so wrong... and- and Loki, he got hurt because I wasn't at my best. He could die and it's my fault. We should have just ran away from everything, like he wanted."

Thor moved to sit on the bed and gathered me in his lap while he continued to hold me.

"That wasn't your fault. None of this was your fault, Sister." Thor told me, but it sounded like he was holding back tears. "You can't do everything all the time. It's alright to rely on us for help."

I sniffled and leaned my head against Thor's shoulder. My next words breaking us both.

"It was a girl." I said quietly, so quietly that Thor might not have heard me. I knew he did though because his arms tightened around me.

"What?" He asked. "How do you know?"

"I saw her... when I was under. She was beautiful, Thor. The most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on, and I'm going to get her back."