“oh but my darling, if these woeful feelings are so horrible, why would we feel so empty without them?”

-

I know what I need to do when I get out of my last class. As I walk out of the room, I instantly find Chase beside the door, waiting for me. A few feet away, on the other side, stands Oliver against the opposite wall.

He is staring at me.

Chase greets me.“Vampire girl!”

I smile with my lips pressed. “You want to say something?”

Chase scratches his head, then he suddenly brings his hand in front of me. He offers me a bouquet of orchids. Where did he get that?

“I was thinking,” he says, but I can’t hear what he says next because I sneeze.

“Can you please,” I say before I sneeze again, “take that away from me? I have pollen allergy.”

“Oh shit,” Chase says, and he throws the bouquet on the floor.

I wipe my nose and sneeze again. My eyes water a little. In my line of vision, I can only see Oliver’s hands in fists through my watery eyes. But Oliver doesn’t say anything. He stands where he is, away from us.

“I am so sorry about that,” Chase says. “That was such a bad start.”

I wave dismissively. “It’s okay.”

Then I realize he was about to give me flowers.

“I am actually...”Chase clears his throat. “I was thinking… Will you go to the winter formal with me?”

I blink. Oh.

“I, um,” I say.

“I know I am asking you today, it’s like the last day, but honestly, I really want to dance with you, Gwen,” Chase says.

How do I turn him down, now?

“I, um,” I say, “But—”

Chase blinks. “Did anybody else already ask you out?”

Chase looks at me sadly. “I mean, I won’t be surprised if that has happened.”

My heart beats rapidly in my chest. Although I don’t want to, I look at Oliver. He is gazing at me. Our eyes meet.

“No. Nobody asked me yet,” I say with a hard face.

“Then I guess—” Chase starts but I stop him.

“But I like someone and although I haven’t been asked yet, I am hoping he will. So, I will just...” I say, “I will just wait. I am sorry, Chase.”

Chase stares at me.

“I can’t go to the dance with you,” I say.

“Oh,” Chase says.

I don’t think he has ever been turned down by anyone. He looks surprised.

“Okay,” Chase says. “I hope whoever that dumb guy is, he realizes it soon.”

If I’m not wrong, I think Chase glances at Oliver sideways. Then he smiles and says, “Okay, but if he doesn’t, you can always dance with me. I won’t be asking out anyone else. Just so you know.”

“Well, neither will I,” I say. “Him or no one.”

Chase raises his eyebrows and nods. Then he heads out in his way.

I stand in my place as I see Oliver leaning against the opposite wall. I glance at him.

The hallway is empty. The school has cleared out. And the only people standing here are him and me.

I have done what I could have done. I want to know what Oliver says about this.

I see Oliver coming towards me. My heart jumps.

“Lucky guy,” Oliver whispers. Before I realize what he is talking about, Oliver is crashing his lips with mine.

My heart squeezes. My breath hitches, and I think I am going to cry.

Oliver holds my face and kisses me like there’s no tomorrow. He kisses me and kisses me and he doesn’t stop.

I am running out of breath, and I am so mad I have such small lungs.

I hear someone clearing their throat. We pull apart.

That’s a teacher. Crap.

Before he says anything, Oliver and I look at each other and hurriedly leave the school compound.

When we finally reach the pavement, Oliver grabs me and hugs me close, lifting me up from the ground.

He always does that.

I pull back and I stare at him. Oliver presses his forehead with mine.

“Wondering about the guy you were talking about,” he says, looking amused.

“Are you now?” I ask and roll my eyes.

“You don’t know—” Oliver starts, but he can’t finish his sentence.

“Do you have any idea what I’m going through right now?” Oliver whispers, gazing at me with his dark eyes.

“Tell me,” I say as I press my lips on his.

He kisses me back, and when we pull back, he says, “Didn’t I already?”

What does that mean?

He did? When?

“Don’t you know?” Oliver says, looking at me with eager eyes.

What is he talking about? What do I know?

“I, um,” I say.

“You did your physics assignment, right?” Oliver asks suddenly.

“Yes?” I ask, being confused.

Oliver takes a deep breath and says, “You looked through your physics book, right?”

Yes, I did. I looked through my book while doing the rest of the assignment.

“Yes?” I say. I still don’t get it.

Oliver sighs. “Maybe you need to look through it again.”

I blink. I remember him taking my book during lunch. Does that mean there’s something he left—

“Okay,” I say. “Okay, I will.”

“Okay,” Oliver gulps. “I will see you.”

He will see me. When? On the dance floor? When will he see me?

“Okay,” I say. My heart keeps beating like I have run a marathon. Oliver brushes away a strand of my hair.

We hold hands as we walk towards home. As we reach there, we stop and face each other.

“Hey,” Oliver says. “You need to know something.”

“Yes?” I say.

“You look pretty everyday.” Oliver says it with a straight face, like a fact.

I smile instantly.

“Oh, really?”

“I thought it was a common fact and you already knew that.” Oliver shrugs.

It’s a common fact that I am pretty, huh? Way to compliment me, Oliver.

“Alright,” I say, smiling as Oliver finally leaves.

God knows what’s in my physics book.

******

Nothing. There’s nothing in it. I looked through the whole book, looked between every single page. There is nothing in it.

I pace back and forth. Oliver told me to look in it. That means he left something in it. He took my book during lunch. Maybe that was when he left it there.

What did he leave in it?

A card? A few lines? What?

I look through my book again for a clue. But I can’t find anything.

Why did he do this? Why couldn’t he just give it to me on my hand? What do I do now?

I pull my hair in frustration. Whatever he gave me, I lost it. There’s a chance it slipped out from the book.

How do I tell Oliver that I lost it?

“Hey, Oliver. Just so you know, whatever you left for me in my book, I lost it. So yeah.”

No, that is so not happening.

I think hard about it. Did he ask me out to go to the dance with him? Probably? Maybe?

That’s why he didn’t ask me out in person. That’s why even when I literally announced that I am waiting for him to ask me out, he told me I should check the book.

He must have asked me out.

I bounce my legs and go through my physics book once again. I have to do something about it. Do I pretend I got what he said...?

How do I do this?

I know what I need to do. I will ask Oliver out. He may have already asked me. But now I can ask him out, and later I will tell him I lost what he sent me.

Yeah. That works. I need to ask Oliver to the dance.

Oh my god. I need to ask him out.

Why do boys always have to do this? I can do it too. I can go to his house and ask him, “Hey, Oliver, will you mind going to the dance with me?”

Hmm, okay. I can do that.

What if he rejects me?

He won’t reject me. Right?

Right?

My stomach clenches in anticipation. This is so hard. I can’t just ask him out with empty hands. I have to give him something. I should also have a speech of some sort. What do I tell him?

Why is this so hard?

Flowers. But I have allergy and I don’t think—

Wait.

Wait a second.

Flowers. Is that why Oliver was buying flowers? So he could ask me out?

Is this why Oliver keeps asking me for pens and pencils and stuff like that? Did he really need it? Or was he trying to ask me out?

Every time I found him trying to ask me about something, he got flustered. He stuttered and asked me for a weird thing.

Was he trying to ask me to the dance this whole week?

Oh my god.

This boy.

I need to do this. I want something that says ’us’. What says us? Do I sing him a song? Do I buy him something?

I open my laptop and start searching. I watch multiple videos of girls and boys asking their crushes out. A lot of them get rejected, some proposal goes wrong and that only makes me feel more anxious than I already am. This isn’t helping.

I need help. Serious help.

So, I call Jason.

“Hello,” I say. “I need help.”

“Of course you do. Why else would you call me?” Jason says from the other end.

“Hey!” I say. “You know it’s not like that.”

“What is it?” Jason asks. I can hear that he is eating. He is eating chips.

“Okay, this is serious. I am in dire need of help, do you understand?” I say.

“Sure,” he says, still eating.

“What is that one thing Oliver loves a lot that will convince him to do anything? What is that one thing he really wants?” I ask Jason.

Jason stays silent for a moment and then he says, “Do you have a mirror?”

“Um, yes?” I say, confused.

“Go there and stand in front of it,” Jason says, and he stuffs his mouth with chips.

“Huh?” I say and I look at the mirror in my room.

It takes me a few seconds to understand what he means.

“I am not a thing!” I protest, and then my heart starts beating like crazy.

“You questioned. I answered,” Jason says, and I can hear him shrugging.

“Jason, you don’t understand. I need to ask him something. And I need—”

“Well, then ask him. If you ask for the moon, he will get that too,” Jason replies.

Jason is of no help. At all.

“You know what,” I say, grumbling. “Go to hell.”

I hang up and fume.

I lie down on my bed. It’s 12 am. I have only one day. Tomorrow. If I don’t ask him, I won’t have the chance to go to the winter formal with him.

Winter formal is not important. What’s important is us being together.

Maybe I will not ask him to the dance.

Maybe I will ask him a different question.

My only concern is that, will I overwhelm him? Will it be too much?

*****

I wake up with ideas. I know what I need to buy, and I know what says ‘us’.

Tater tots.

Yep, here is the plan: I will buy tater tots, a large packet, maybe the largest amount they sell and then I will go to his house. When he will open the door, I will start blabbering out whatever that comes to my mind. I know it’s no good making a speech because I am too excited to write something up and remember it now. And then I will ask him the question.

Will he be my boyfriend?

Yes, I think it’s time to ask him that. We have been going around for almost a month now.

I am so excited I can’t sit in one place. My heart is beating too fast and my stomach is in knots. I have nervous energy surging through me. I can feel the rush of adrenaline in my body.

I guess that’s what being in love is like.

I will wait till the afternoon to execute my plan. Then I will go to Pop’s and then...

I gulp. God, I hope he doesn’t reject me. I hope I don’t overwhelm him.

Am I crazy? I probably am.

What will be his reaction?

Oliver Carlson, my boyfriend. That sounds a little bit too good. Too good to be true.

I take deep breaths. I don’t know how I will spend the time till afternoon.

Time doesn’t pass. I do this and that and somehow wait till noon. I watch TV and wait for the clock to strike 4. I will head out then.

Should I wear makeup? Should I wear something special?

No, I think that sounds a little bit too much.

Finally, it’s afternoon. I wear a red blouse and my usual jeans. I apply a little lipgloss and mascara. Then I look at myself in the mirror.

I take a deep breath. Putting on my shoes, I head out the door. I take my bike and start towards Pop’s. It seems like the shop is miles away.

When I reach there, I adjust my bike on the stand and walk in.

As I walk in, the bell over my head chimes. I am shaking in excitement. My heart is clenching in anticipation. After I get the tots, I will go straight to the Carlson house.

I look at the counter and see the person sitting there. I halt in my steps.

*****