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She didn't talk

When Carmen came out of the hospital she looked seconds away from crying, I wanted to ask why but I could sense that she wasn't ready to say anything. We drove back to my house in silence, I would look back at her every now and then but her eyes were glued to the window.

I could see that my sister was wondering what happened too, when we got back she whispered "What happened to Carmen"

I just had to look back at her softly and make something up, "She's not feeling well"

Then I ordered food even though I knew that wouldn't be much help, it was pizza. Grace and I ate but Carmen didn't even touch her food, she just sat there staring at the table.

My sister slides a pink scrunchie across the table and Carmen looks at it, still with an annoyed yet sad look in her eyes. "So you feel better" She whispers

She takes it with a sad smile, "Thank you"

Grace leans over and hugs her in return, "Why don't you go pick a movie, Carmen and I will come in a minute"

She gets down from her chair before walking into the living room and I sit back, "Wanna talk about it?"

Carmen keeps her eyes focused on the table, "Remember when you said you wanted to know how my eating patterns started?"

I nod slowly, not understanding where this conversation is going. She finally looks at me, "Isabella fricking Rodriguez"

I didn't expect that

I narrow my eyes, "I was maybe nine when I started realising how she'd give me much smaller plates compared to my brothers and sisters, heck I was getting less food than Lola who was six at the time" She snorts

I frown, "So I then I asked why do I always get less food and she goes you eat more snacks in a day, I'm helping you my dear. Nine year olds are gullible as fuck so I didn't think anything of it"

I raise my eyebrows a little, "Then I turned thirteen and I finally got an ass, Isabella saw that as fat and would make comments, not realising how much of an effect it had on me"

"The laxatives" I whisper with realisation

Carmen narrows her eyes at the glass of coke in front of her, "She was having trouble breathing today because of her high blood pressure, my siblings found a way to blame it on me and of course..... She didn't stop them"

"Wait they think it's your fault?" I say confused

"Mhm, apparently because I got into your car I was too busy messing around to even answer my phone. Santiago is fully capable of calling a hospital, we are literally one year apart so I don't get how the hell this turned on me" She scoffs

I feel a little guilty, "Fuck... I'm sorry-

"Don't apologise for trying to keep me alive"

Ok so she's really pissed

"Anything else you wanna get off your chest?"

"No let's just watch this movie" Carmen mutters before going into the living room

Grace chose Tarzan. We sat with her throughout the film and Carmen put on one of those fake smiles because she felt bad for letting Grace worry about her

I do worry about her quite often if I'm honest, I know it's just me who knows about her situation and I know that if I were to tell Sienna or Zoe she'd stop talking to me. Because I'm the only who knows I feel like I always need her with me, what if I go away for a football game and she doesn't eat at all, that's the only thing I think about..... that and the fact that I've been dying to kiss her ever since Eliza's party.

I need to know how she tastes, but I know that if I were to make a move then she'd think I'd treat her like Eliza. That's why if I choose to peruse something with her then I'm gonna do it right, she's been through enough already.

"I'm sorry that you saw me sad today, tomorrow I'll make it up to you ok?" Carmen says softly

Grace nods and she pulls the comforter over her before tucking a hair behind her ear, "Good night"

My sister closes her eyes in return as Carmen turns off the light and shuts the door. "You going home?" I ask

She sighs, "Yeah, it's better to face my demons now rather than later"

"C"

"Yeah?"

"Promise me you'll try"

She frowns, "With what?"

"You know what"

"Why do you sound like your dying" Carmen says amused

"No I'm just saying... if I'm not there I don't want you to stop eating"

She half smiles before leaning up and giving me a kiss on the cheek, "How's that for a promise"

"I don't know, try it again"

She snorts before picking up her shoes, "Bye Carter"

I grin as she walks down the stairs

What is Carmen doing to me

-

Nobody was downstairs when I got back and I'm so relieved about that. I went directly to my room before closing my door quietly, and then I did what I was too afraid to do at Carter's house.... Cry

I've already accepted the fact that my family will never change, and yes I know I seem pathetic but when it's everyone against one it can get tiring. I mean I don't know if this is a big family thing, where the mom hates one of their own kids but it's shitty. "Carmen" A quiet voice says

I sigh as I close my eyes, I then sniff before opening them and turning on the light. "What are you doing Matty"

He sits up on my bed, "I was waiting for you to come back"

I take off my shoes, "I'm back"

"Sorry about Santi and Adri-

"Don't worry about it"

"But your crying" My brother replies

I switch off the light before getting into the bed beside him,"You don't need to worry about me ok?" I say softly

"I don't think it was your fault" He mumbles

I pull him into my side, "Thank you" I smile sadly before closing my eyes

"Carmen"

"Hmm?"

"Do you actually have a boyfriend?"

"No..."

"Cause if you did then I wouldn't mind"

I smile a little, "You'd be the first to know if I did Matty"

~*~

I was not looking forward to getting up at all, matter of fact I was kind of hoping that I would wake up and it would magically be the weekend but I guess not. Thankfully both my parents weren't here, my guess is that mom stayed at the hospital overnight and dad stayed with her.

As I take two bottles of water out of the fridge Daniel walks in, "Hey"

I ignore him of course because who am I to be answering any of my siblings unless they're name is Matteo. "So... we were all gonna go back to the hospital" He then says

I put the bottles inside of my bag, "You gonna come?"

"No"

Daniel sighs, "Look I know your mad at pretty much all of us-

"Your right I am"

"Hey I didn't do anything" He says defensively

"That's my point Daniel, you stood there and didn't say shit. But had this have been you or Adriana I would've stuck up for you guys" I say annoyed

He goes quiet, "And I'm working so if anyone decides to pass out or stop breathing, don't call me"

"We won't" Santiago replies from the living room

He just had to reply for fucks sake

Usually I don't show how annoyed or moody I am when I go to school because then questions start coming in and all of a sudden, everyone knows your business. But todays one of those days where I don't give a shit at all, "Are you sure your ok?" Zoe frowns

"No"

"What happened?"

"I'd rather not get into it"

Sienna makes her way towards us, "Hey I heard about your mom, you ok?"She asks softly

"Wait what happened to your mom?" Zoe frowns

"She's in hospital" I say simply

She raises her eyebrows with surprise, "What? Why?"

"Her blood pressures high" Sienna answers

"What are you doing in school then?"

"Learning" I reply before backing away, both of them stare at me with confusion as I do so.

Like I said, I cannot stand my mother and she cannot stand me, therefore I have no reason to go and visit her right now.

Whilst walking I almost bump into the brunette who basically just rushed past me, I frown as I look back

Eliza

The bell goes before I can even curse at her stupid ass, I walk into history before sitting at the back of the classroom, "Long time no see" Aaron says amused

I snort, "We had dinner at Carters house the other day"

"Still.... Long time no see"

I turn to face him fully. "Hey I saw Eliza in the hallway, she looked pretty pissed and for some reason... I think you know why"

He smiles, "Carter finally grew some balls and cut her off"

Wait I didn't actually expect him to do it

I raise my eyebrows, "Wait really?" I say surprised

"I told you I would" He says amused, I look up

"Yeah but I thought you were kidding"

He puts his bag down. "Nah, she didn't even cry to be honest"

"I kind of feel bad" I say truthfully

"Why, have you done something?" Aaron says amused

"What? No I just mean I feel bad for Eliza"

"Well you sound guilty which gives me reason to believe that you and Carter-

"Your a cunt you know that?-

"Quiet everyone" Our teacher orders

Aaron sticks his tongue out at me and I glare playfully back at him before facing the front.

~*~

3:20 hit and it was back to the after school routine, Carter and I are currently sitting in the subway parking lot discussing how Aaron beat him in a race at PE. "I don't know, I was kinda expecting you to beat him"

"I did" He scoffs defensively

"Accept the loss" I say amused

"I'll rematch him just to prove you wrong" I shove our trash into the paper bag before snorting at his statement

"So petty"

"Carmen" He suddenly says

"What"

"I've got a game"

I look up from my screen, "Yay?" I say confused

"It won't be here which kinda means that the team will be gone for three days..." He says the last part quietly

I turn off me phone, "Oh"

"Look I can stay-

"Don't be stupid, you have to go"

"C you've been doing good and I don't want you to relapse"

He's right I've actually been eating more than once a day, not caring about the calories. I haven't gone to the gym in a while either because for the first time in forever I felt like I didn't need to, I guess I didn't realise how much Carter helped me. "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine" I shrug

"But you'll call me if anything right?"

"Hmm" I reply lost in thought

"That didn't sound very convincing"

I smile reassuringly as I look back at him, "I will" I promise

"Can you promise me in a different way?"

I gesture for him to lean forward with my finger and he obliges, I know he's expecting a kiss on the cheek but I think that this way is more promising. I grip onto the front of Carter's shirt before pulling him forward and bringing our lips together, it took him by surprise at first but eventually he relaxed his lips against mine and deepened the kiss. Even though I should be focusing on the moment I can't help but wonder how I'll actually be when he's not here, it'll be weird not seeing him and the other guys in school but I guess it's only three days.

We pull away breathlessly and he looks at me with surprise and amusement, if it had gone further then our lips would've been beyond swollen.... They'd probably look bruised. "Well shit, if that's what a promise feels like then you can keep on promising"

I laugh a little, "Now take me back to your house so I can spend time with my favourite Miller"

Carter gapes at me as he starts the engine, "How nice of you" He then mumbles

We both played with Grace when we got back. Then we had dinner, Julia actually joined us this time, the night went by pretty quickly to be honest. I received my first pay check for this month from Melissa and then I went home afterwards, or should I say that I went back to the place that feels nothing like a home.

Santiago, Enzo and Adriana are all in the kitchen, then there's Matteo who's in the living room with Daniel. All siblings ignore me of course, except for Matty, Daniel knows better than to speak to me. I walk into my room before putting the envelope of cash into one of the draws on the nightstand, I was about to charge my phone but then I noticed the empty socket.

I roll my eyes in annoyance before walking out and down the hallway. I open the door to my sisters' bedroom and Lola sits up on her bed She watches as I unplug my charger from her phone before looking at her, "Your not allowed in my room"

She then frowns as I leave without another word, I hate that my siblings think that they can just take whatever they like from my room whenever they want. I shut my door before collapsing back onto the bed and plugging my charger into the wall. As I turn it on I notice that there's already a text from Carter

I smile a little

I then switch off my phone before getting into the comforter. It's three days..... I can do this