Though I expected the old man to do something, I never thought that he’d do this. My men were wailing but I personally found it funny. The man with the highest position in the Church has tamed a demon. How exhilarating. Alas, I couldn’t show my mirth as my loyal officials sat on their ornately carved wooden chairs. It was especially so as they all had serious looks and a bunch of papers shoved on top of the round table. They all looked gravely at me, waiting for me to give them the signal that they desperately craved for. I decided to give them what they wanted even though the thought of keeping them all here amused me.

“Present your reports,” I growled, my voice scratching my throat. Apparently, to be a good king, you had to speak an octave lower than the norm and you had to intimidate your subjects. It was a really bothersome rule but there was nothing that could be done about it; this was the Kingdom of Territo, the great kingdom famed for its daunting kings and aggressive foreign policy. Of course that was from the olden times so its so called greatness has definitely declined. Nonetheless, the oldies demanded that the kings must still be ‘daunting’. Ah, what a pain! Anyone wanna switch places with me? Anyone?

Of course no one answered my inner musings but my faithful subjects gladly followed my spoken command. “My liege,” an elderly official of mine went, holding a parchment filled with illegible handwriting. He was really a competent guy as he was able to read what the scribbles were. My already cheery mood was brightened even further at the thought of having competent guys under me. “It seems that the support for the Church has grown. At this rate, the kingdom’s fate may be in the hands of the Church.”

Honestly, I was already tired at that point. I really wanted to get the meeting over with quickly but of course the fate had to miraculously deny me of my wishes.

“It won’t grow to the point that it would undermine us,” intervened a youthful looking official. His blue eyes shone with conviction, ready to defend his views but apparently not ready to fulfil his king’s wishes. “Besides, the Church wouldn’t do anything harmful towards the kingdom.”

Ah, please don’t incite an argument. That’s just gonna make things longer!

Unfortunately, what was done was done. There was no need for any of my wishes as an argument had taken place. I learned something new though. My so-called loyal officials had split themselves up into two factions. A ‘pro-Church’ faction and a ‘pro-Me’ faction. Dishearteningly, the ‘pro-Me’ faction were probably just supporting me and the kingdom to save their skin in case I enact a purge. I don’t even need to say anything about the other side. They were all pains in the neck either way…

“First of all…”

“That’s a load of bollocks…”

“It clearly shows…”

Their raucous noise hammered their way into my ears, threatening to deafen me. Weren’t you guys supposed to help your liege? With the way you’re doing it, your liege is gonna die you know?

“Silence,” an order came from the depths of my diaphragm. The noise that was abound earlier disappeared, my ordered silence replacing it in its stead. My ‘trusted’ aides looked towards, awaiting my next words. “I’ve heard enough; the meeting is adjourned.”

The moment I said that, a headache appeared as I realized that I didn’t hear of the other reports. That only meant one thing: there’s going to be another meeting soon. Honestly, someone switch with me!

*** *** ***

A sigh that swelled up in my throat was finally released. It expected attention to be poured into it but the cacophony of throaty singing produced by the ‘choir’ shielded potential listeners from ever hearing the sigh. Though a sigh was just released, another one started to build up from the depths of my abdomen. Like a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly, my pent up sigh was released into the world only for it to receive the same treatment as the other.

When have I ever been this poetic? Someone give me a Nobel Prize already!

The agonizingly long ceremony that started god knows when had no signs of ever ending. It was due to this that my mind started to make poetical descriptions in order to stop my mind from succumbing to boredom.

Roses are multi-coloured. Violets are not blue. Everything you know is not true.

My droopy eyelids threatened to collapse and I really wanted it to. Sadly, whoever organized the damned event didn’t give any chairs to me so I couldn’t sleep otherwise I’d fall. It was an absurd situation and I even planned to tell on his boss about his laziness. Or her, I guessed. I never actually saw the one in charge of seats n’ stuff like that so I couldn’t really say if it was a he or a she.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed the monster that led me into this situation. Though I say led, it was more a more ‘I’ll beat yo’ ass if ya’ don’t do it!’ situation. Mr. Scary Russian was standing at the top of an indoor balcony while emitting a holier-than-thou feeling. In front of him was a pedestal with what I thought was a book of some sort. Earlier, he was chanting some jargon that seemed to come from the book. Additionally, on the other corner of my eye, I saw a bunch of pews filled with people wearing rather uncomfortable looking clothes. I pitied them as they were probably forced by the scary Russian too.

May you guys escape his dictatorship. Oh, and if you actually do, free me too!

It took a little while for the ‘music’—if you could call that horrible singing music—to end. The scary Russian man cleared his throat, the sound echoing throughout the hall. All eyes were focused on him, probably making him very uncomfortable. A fitting punishment, I thought. As if wanting to antagonize me further, though, he started chanting words in a sing-y voice.

My eyes darted around the place in order to find something odd to dispel my boredom temporarily. Surprisingly enough, my rather weak—I mean really weak—attempts worked. Of to the side, covered in the shadows of a marble pillar, a figure was standing rather suspiciously. As for why it was suspicious, it was because the figure stood as if he was hiding from the cops. You gonna commit a crime? My mind was reeling in excitement over the fact that there was finally something interesting happening.

The figure darted towards another pillar when it seemed like there was no one looking. He was so quick that I had the impulse to shout ‘GOTTA GO FAST!’ but I was able to hold it back. Kind of stealthily, my eyes focused on the figure. After watching him for several minutes, I noticed a pattern in his movements. The figure seemed to be moving towards a certain Russian man who may or may not have been the devil. My eyes widened at a realization. He’s an assassin, right?

Inwardly, I cheered heavily for the assassin dude. In order not to foil his plans, I acted in the most normal manner that I have ever acted in my life. Squeak. Squeak. For some odd reason the floor beneath me started squeaking when I moved. I wondered if they put some sort of bleach or something because it was squeaking quite loudly. Let me correct that, it squeaked like a pig squealing in pain. Squeak. Squeak. It squeaked so much that I made myself a ratio or whatever that thing was called:

For every squeak, a pair of eyes would glance at me.

It was then the assassin dude disappeared. My face paled, at least I think it did, as I wondered whether he abandoned his mission that he may or may not have had. I waited in silence, this time there was no annoying squeaking. About five minutes passed and the assassin dude was nowhere to be seen. No!!! Come on, dude! I’m a damsel in distress being held captive by a scary Russian mafioso! HELP!

Sadly, the assassin dude ignored my pleas. Assassin dude, go die. While praying for something usually reserved for the riajuu race, I dejectedly stood in my place. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a drop of sweat roll down the side the bald head of the Russian. Additionally, his rather pale face caught my eye like candy. Assassin dude, whatever you did, please keep on doing what you’ve done. Saying my respects towards the assassin dude (in my head of course), I sunk back to the rather boring reality.

*** *** ***

Whenever someone asks me anything, I get the urge to ask them another question rather than an answer. Usually, I follow that urge. I only ever answer when I deem the question important. Unfortunately, the people I’ve answered could only be counted on one hand. I wish there were more; that way, the world would be a much better place. Do you think so too?

— The Oracle of the Order

My eyes read what was written on the parchment. Immediately afterwards, a bubble of anger and annoyance popped within me. I hadn’t expected much yet he truly did exceed my expectations. In the list of people I was going to kill before I die, I added the phony of an ‘Oracle’ in. Old guy, who have you ever helped? I highly doubted that the fraud actually helped anyone. Even if he had ‘eyewitnesses’, I really wouldn’t have believed anything could have ‘proved’ his ‘credibility’.

As I delved into the dark pits of my mind, a knock brought me back to the surface. Oy, oy, oy! What you doin’, interruptin’ me thoughts? Though I thought that, I collected my thoughts rather quickly, identifying the possible visitors that would have knocked at this time of the day. There were 3 possibilities on whom it would have been. First, the least menacing of all evils, was my butler, a rather annoying guy called Ivan. Second, ranked around middle section of the evils, was my sister, Mary, another annoying person who loved to bring endless dull news that injured my mentality when I listened too long. Lastly, and the worst one of them all, was—

“Yo!”

That guy. The prince of the kingdom, the heir to the throne, the pearl of the land. These were decorations that embellished his name. Pearl of the land my arse! He’s better fit to be called ‘Bringer of Misfortune’. No matter how much I cursed the wretch, I couldn’t have done anything. ‘Cause, you know, he was the prince… What a sad world we live in.

“Bro,” he said, his long blond hair swaying in the air. Though he called me ‘Bro’, I wasn’t related to him at all. If I was, however, I’d be kicking his sorry arse. “Hey, bro, you got any cash on you? I wanna go to this place that seems really cool.”

“My prince, why don’t you ask your father, His Highness?” I replied, barely stopping myself from shouting, ‘I’m gonna go broke because of you!’. The prince’s demonic red eyes rolled as he shrugged off my question. To be precise, he threw up his hands in the air, making me worried on whether the white bathroom robe he wore would somehow slip off. Oh, and yes, he was wearing a bathroom robe like a lunatic.

“Ain’t no way father’s gonna give me money for this! He’s probably gonna go all, ‘If you’ve got time for your vices, go do something more productive’,” he exclaimed. His tall figure slouched, giving me head a migraine as it was the final step to the routine. He continued, “Sooooooooo! I need your help, bro.”

Now then, at that time, I had ve~ry limited choices. One choice was to refuse outright and have the chance of being beheaded. Another was to politely refuse and still have the chance of being beheaded. The last choice was to quietly resign to my fate, silently cursing the dude that was going to bankrupt me in the future. How far into the future my certain bankruptcy was, I didn’t know. I hoped it wasn’t near but I figured that being penniless sooner would remove the leech that kept on sucking quicker. If that’s the case, go ahead, bankrupt me! Oh wait, no, that’s a pretty bad idea…

“How much?” I chose the last option. I could have only hoped that the amount wasn’t as astronomical as that last favour he asked of me.

“Ten thousand!” he yelled in glee. That guy’s really messing with me ain’t he? Though it ain’t as big as the last one, it only has about a five thousand difference!

With an air of abandonment, I wrote the amount on a cheque I always kept on my person. When I finished writing and signing it, the cheeky prick grabbed it from me and dashed off to the exit. “See ya’ later, bro!” With that, he slammed the door, leaving me alone in my room.

‘My prince’, go die.