North. East. South. West.

The four cardinal directions.

That being said, in this perpetual haze, finding those directions was a bit hard.

No worries tho!

Swaying to the right of me, Ribbon points down to the Ponty Lake.

“Aye! That would be north of here. Mmm, there’s a small fucking town up there which I hail from. It’s renowned for their big ass pizza. It’s good shit, can’t get ‘nuff of it,”

By now I’ve acutely noticed something. It’s in Ghost Captain and his unrestrained liberal discourse. By that I mean, he’s swearing too much.

What you can glean from this is that the bloody cunt is fucking swearing in front of Ribbon and I don’t approve.

“Wait, I’m fucking swearin’?”

No shit Ghost Captain! Kindly screw off if you’re just gonna keep uttering profanities like that.

“Snek did notss knows that thee could be so aggressssive…”

Well, Snek, when a superior breaks protocol, this does tend to happen.

“Hmmm, the etiquette and intricaciess of the imperium alwayss ssseems to beest beyond Snek…” Snek hangs their head dejectedly, “None the lesser, Snek wishes thee the bestest of luck on thy travels,”

Hmm, why the sulking, Snek?

I’ve known the Snek for about 4.091e+6 hours and not once have I seen them so down. Their scales shiver in quiet melancholy as they hang their head.

“Hsss, Snek hasss been bound to thesse plainss for four hundred yearsss and that digit is set to go beyond eonss. Snek cannot leave, sso Snek can only bid farewell,” Snek bows their head toward me, “Arriverderci, Brick friend,”

So saying they try to sneakily slither away like the slippery, sniggity Snek that they are, but I stop them with the only way I know how.

Extreme, unprovoked violence.

I toss myself at Snek with newfound vigor that Bricks would often be bereft of.

I land a solid hit on Snek’s fleshy form, splintering a couple scales in the process.

“Hssss?! What in all Hells?!” Squirming around, Snek waves their head around, searching for the perpetrator, only to find me, kono Brick! “Brick friend, was thee blessst with the ability of ssself mobilisssation thisss whole time?”

Too shocked to flare in anger, they just seem a bit dazed, so I answer for them.

Nay!

This was a recent development. No doubt due to my epiphany in relation to the essence of the Realm. I have attained enlightenment. Only Bricks can see the truth of the realm!

“It iss of no consequence where Snek goes, Brick friend. Snek is cursed to wander thesse plains until the end of timesss,”

You can do that, but… Isn’t that sorta… How do I say? Depressing?

“Brick friend… Coming from thee, it doesss not sssound ssso sssincere,” They eye me, licking their shattered scales in mild chagrin.

“Deep chagrin,” They correct me, “Snek is a lost cause, tho Snek is grateful for the passst companionssship, Brick friend is set for greater thingsss,”

“Snek, huh? Not lizard?” Ghost Captain enquires, feeling up Snek rather crudely, only then upon realising that they can’t feel, of which Ghost Captain taps Snek with their still solid Falichion.

“Sssnek is correct,”

“Usually, I’d be averse to helping out a lizard, but in light of your efforts to atone, and the lack of any draconic essence in thee… This Ghost Captain, Harwitz of Coldersack, in the name of Deus, pledges that he shall aid your peril and bid riddance to your curse!”

They pose with a foot on Snek’s body and their Falchion in the air.

How patriotic! And with the emergence of their retro noble visage, Ghost Captain looks too cool!

The Imperial dream!

“Why doesss thisss feel lesss for me, and more for thee…”

“Nonsense dear Snek!”

Indeed! It is not light that a Captain pledges in such pomp and circumstance.

In all my time, I have only seen such a pledge announced ten times! That’s barely into the double digits. But all ten times, every condition stated in the pledge was completed to the utmost, never once sullying the name of Deus!

“Brick friend, hath thee onccce conssidered that the taskss pledged were sssimple to conclude?”

“Bah, what rubbish you spout, pledges are only conceived on quests that only the top 95 percentile of men could possibly even have a chance at accomplishing,” Ghost Captain explains, “Unlike what you dare to insinuate, there is a threshold for one to propose a pledge,”

Well said! Rather bawdy… but well said!

“The Imperium has hass basselines for thessse thingss?” Snek staunches their head back, “Ssstrange, but then how will Captain go about it? Snek’s cursse is not so ssimple,”

“With Deus Ex Machina!”

Gasp! D-D-Deus Ex Machina?!

“Snek doth not like the direction of this bullshit nor has Snek ever heard of thisssss…”

Of course you haven’t! This is a secret technique of the Imperium of Deus! Able to trample over all foe and win any battle through sheer… Sheer contrivance!

I’ve heard that less than seven people are capable of inheriting this in the entire Imperium! But to think Ghost Captain qualified for it… This Brick is proud to be under your jurisdiction!

“Damn straight!”

Of every single art, technique and magick in the entire Imperium, there is only one that is said to be able to stand toe to toe against every Foe in the realm, even the False Gods…

Deus Ex Machina!