Vai

I came awake in one quick moment with only one thought on my mind - I had to save them. My temples pounded painfully when I sat up, but I didn't care. They were dying.

My dad's large hand gently guided my shoulder back down to my bed. "Rest," he said.

"No. They are dying. I have to save them."

I sat up again and pushed him roughly out of the way as I stood. Dizziness washed over me and my legs gave out, but Warpaint was there to hold me up.

"Sir, you need to be careful. Rest some more." He tried to take me back to the bed, but I tore away from his grasp and stepped away from the two of them. I blinked several times until I no longer saw double of everything.

"They are dying," I repeated. It had been horrible. The Corruption had cut into them, swam in their veins, ripped their hearts, collapsed their lungs, tore at their brains. I couldn't heal them quickly enough. By the time I repaired the heart, the brain was already gone. I wasn't capable enough. I wasn't enough.

I couldn't stop the next thought that came to me - Original Vai would have been enough.

"It's too late," my dad said. "It's over."

My knees shook as they threatened to give out on me again. I leaned up against the far wall instead. "What happened after I passed out?"

"Your friends and the rest of the ship's crew took care of the Corruption," my dad said.

"Your young friend, Shel, was finally able to use his power without touch," Warpaint said. "He killed the final Corruption."

"And then he passed out too," my dad said. "I'm glad the light exists and we can use it as a weapon against the miasmids, but I think you and your friends are pushing yourselves too far. You are not the only ones with the light anymore."

"But we have become a symbol," I said quietly. "And I'm still the only one who can heal people from the Corruption's influences. Unless," sudden hope rose within me and made me feel lighter. I was no longer dizzy, no longer shakey in the knees, "someone else can heal now too. Were the Starwatchers light opened? Was there anyone else who can do what I can?" Please.

"The lights in the Starwatchers were open," my dad said, "and there were some who could heal and some who could destroy, but none that can do both and none that can heal the Corruption's damage."

My hope sunk. "It's still early," I said with what little hope I had left, "maybe eventually they will learn they can."

My dad nodded. "Maybe," he said, but I could tell he didn't mean it.

"Then are there Starwatchers I need to heal of the Corruption? The president and council members?"

"Yes," my dad said. "Warpaint, take him to the docking bay."

"You're not coming with us?" I asked.

"I'm needed in a meeting with Captain Axa and the rest of the captains," he said. "It has technically already started, but I couldn't leave you while you were still like that. Son," he said quieter, "please be more aware of yourself. It frightens me that you will go too far with the light and die from overuse or not be able to come back from it."

I nodded, but didn't mean it. I couldn't not heal. It wasn't that I chose to ignore my dad's words, but something inside me just could not ignore the need to heal.

My dad sighed as if he knew what I was thinking, but he nodded and stepped out.

Warpaint and I followed him, but we separated at the elevators. Warpaint took me down to the docking bay of the Shadow. The Awakened One sat inside, but near the bay. I was surprised to see my friends and several of the Shadow's security officers waiting inside the docking bay as well. Behind them in restraints were the president of Minidtin and the council members. I went to them.

"Are you all right?" Esther asked me.

"Fine," I said. "Are you all right?" I asked Shel. He showed no sign that he had passed out too. "I heard you can finally use your power without touch."

"Yes," he said. "Hopefully I'll be able to do it again in the future without fainting."

I looked passed them to the restrained Starwatchers. "This can't be everyone on Minidtin who had the Corruption."

"It's not," Lieutenant Tanpo said, "but Captain Axa said we can't linger here. There are unconfirmed reports of the missing K'thaktran ships moving to intercept us. You are only to heal these ones and then we'll move on."

"But the others - "

"Will have to wait until we can come back here," Lieutenant Tanpo interrupted me.

I was forced to leave more behind that I had the capability to heal. Realistically I knew it would take too long to heal everyone on the colonies and the homeworlds of the Corruption, but it tore at my core to leave them.

I stepped passed my friends and the Shadow security officers until I stood in front of the president of Minidtin. He tried to step away from me, but there was nowhere he could go. I placed my hands on either side of his head and closed my eyes. I knew how to heal the Corruption's influences and I did it quickly and then moved onto the next Starwatcher. It didn't take long as there weren't too many that needed to be healed.

I looked at the large entrance that separated the Shadow from the docks of Minidtin. Could I make it out before anyone could stop me? Wouldn't it be better for me to stay and heal more people?

Minmin's small hand took my large one. I hadn't realized she was next to me. She slightly shook her head from side to side telling me not to go. And she was right. There were more worlds and more colonies we needed to go to. The Corruption was on the move. I was needed on the Shadow.

I said a brief goodbye to my friends, gave small nods to the healed Starwatchers who thanked me and headed back to my quarters. Original Vai would have been a better fit for this power, for this fight and better for my friends.

Warpaint followed me silently. I went back into my room and took my okulus off my wrist. Shel had said we could use his sanctuary whenever we wanted and I had never taken him up on his offer. I wasn't sure if anyone else had either. But right now, in this moment of my despair that I wasn't the original, I just wanted to get away from everything.

I reshaped my okulus, placed it over my head and entered the ansible. I quickly accessed Shel's sanctuary. The cool breeze from over the ocean settled over me. Shel's pet bird cocked it's head at me from its tree. I didn't change my usual clothes except to remove everything from my feet. I walked barefoot in the silver sand. The little granules shifted under my feet, squished between my toes. I stepped into the gentle waves that lapped around my ankles. The sand shifted underneath me as I sat with my arms placed on my knees and my head on my arms.

I had convinced my friends to kill Other Vai because I thought I was the better clone. I still felt that way, but in the end I was just a clone. There was a sadness deep in my heart that my childhood memories - especially of my mom - weren't mine. Every time I had been angry at my dad after I woke up because he destroyed my relationships with my friends and girlfriend - that was all fake. Nothing was mine. It all belonged to Original Vai.

Time passed. I didn't know how much time. I slowly became aware that I wasn't alone. I had no idea when he came into the program and sat by me at the water's edge. It was difficult to get any sound passed my throat to start a conversation so eventually I gave up and we continued to sit in silence.

The sky changed from a clear blue to purples and reds when there was a sudden sunset. I turned my head to look at Shel, but I still had my head on my folded arms.

"Do you want to talk about what's bothering you?" he asked.

I swallowed. My voice hadn't returned to me so instead of answering I sat back with my hands in the sand behind me. I focused on the sunset. The sun didn't descend any more. It just stayed in its spot in the sky. The sunset was beautiful at first, but the purples and reds never shifted. The sunset was fake. Like me.

"You all would have been better off if it had been Original Vai here instead of me," I whispered.

"What?" His voice was low, rough, quiet. Angry. I ignored it.

"Original Vai would have discovered his light's power earlier. He would have been more proficient. He could have saved all those people today."

Shel clenched his blue jaw tightly. It made his white stripes contrast even more against the blue.

"Or," he said in that same low voice, "maybe Original Vai's light would be something completely different and the Gathering wouldn't have anyway to heal from the Corruption."

"Maybe," I conceded, "but that doesn't change the fact that I'm a fake Vai."

Shel shifted in the sand so he sat facing me instead of beside me. He remained quiet, but I could see it there beneath his eyes. He was furious and I wasn't sure why. "Then what does that make us?"

"What do you mean? You're not clones."

"Vai," his voice softened slightly. He swallowed and his eyes changed as if he had just swallowed his anger. "We knew something wasn't quite right with Other Vai. We never once thought that with you. Even when we knew you were a clone. I never knew Original Vai. I don't ever want to know Original Vai. I know you. If you say you're fake then what does that make of our friendship? What does that make your friendship with all of us? Are we all fake then too? Is our friendship?"

I hadn't ever thought of it quite like that. I sat in silence. There wasn't a clear way to answer him.

"I'm telling you right now, Vai, you may be a clone, but you are not fake. You are ours. You are Our Vai. We wouldn't trade you for anything. Especially not for Original Vai or anymore Other Vais. You are a complete being - clone or not. Your ability with the light is one of a kind and it is incredible. It is literally the main thing giving hope to the Gathering right now. Don't try to make yourself be less than you are. You are not less."

Something inside my being shifted. Because I believed him.

"So what if your memories of your past aren't yours?" Shel went on as if he had read my mind. "The memories you have of us are yours. Don't lessen us by lessening yourself."

The sky changed to twinkling stars. I wasn't sure if the sunset had continued and I had missed it or if Shel had just changed the program to night. Did it matter? Each one had been beautiful, the blue sky, the purples and reds of sunset, the dark sky with the blinking lights that reflected off the water.

"Don't try to be the Original Vai," Shel said. "Just be Our Vai."

My heart lifted in my chest. It was as if a fog had been in my brain and it suddenly cleared. A small smile came to my lips. "Okay," I simply said.

He smiled. He settled back on the sand so he could look fully up into the night sky. His bird flew from the tree and landed on the sand on the other side of him. He reached out without looking at it and stroked the top of it's head.

I settled down next to him and watched the stars.