Location: Extra Dimensional Studios, sound studio #4

Interview starts:

Shorts Minion: Hey y’all it’s your host, and the star, Shorts Minion! I’m here today to introduce this series and get you all acquainted with the ground-breaking work of Mister Inkston here. I’ll be interviewing him in every episode. Won’t that be cool?! Say hello to the nice reader boys, girls and… whatever else is reading on the internet nowadays!

*Kell waves at the camera*

Kell Inkston: Good day to you, reader. It’s a pleasure to present to you all my shorter works in such a new and exciting fashion.

*Shorts Minion laughs for nearly half a minute. This obviously makes Kell uncomfortable*

Kell Inkston: Uh, what’s so funn-

Shorts Minion: Man, now that is a canned one. How many years did it take you to come up with that one?

*Kell is silent, but crosses one leg over the other and looks away as if thinking of a response*

Shorts Minion: Like, a year?

Kell Inkston: No. That’s ridiculous-

Shorts Minion: Is it? Probably. Sounds like you stole it from one of those Japanese game designer interviews.

Kell Inkston: Wh- Now just wait a minute here-

Shorts Minion: With all that “Oh, very honorable. I hope you’ll be excited for this new release. I very much do hope that you like our new online features in this update, oraiigaimasssu-”

Kell Inkston: I’m fairly certain that’s not how you spell that wo-

Shorts Minion: You’re telling me, dude, you’re the one who’s writing all of this.

*Kell raises his finger in disagreement but lowers it after only a moment. He crosses his arms while Shorts Minion snickers*

Kell Inkston: You have a good point.

Shorts Minion: It’s what you pay me for; I mean that and interviewing you about the short stories is what you’re paying me for, I mean. Thanks again for casting me as the main character in this. I’ve watched the others get so much attention, and I just can’t believe that now I’m the one in the limelight, and not only that, I’m the first one to get paid for it!

*Kell clears his throat abruptly*

Kell Inkston: Ahh, yes.

*There’s a long silence in the sound room as Shorts Minion squints with suspicion*

Shorts Minion: Hold up, you are paying me for this, right?

*There’s another awkward silence*

Kell Inkston: … with exposur-

Shorts Minion: Fucking A!

Kell Inkston: Now I would prefer we kept the interview portions “PG” if that’s alrigh-

Shorts Minion: Oh! Are you paying me to do that?

*Kell clears his throat*

Kell Inkston: Well, I mean in a sense, y-

Shorts Minion: Son of a bitch.

*There’s another silence*

Kell Inkston: Well… this is going to be a meta one, isn’t i-

Shorts Minion: Don’t say “Meta”, dude. It sounds so fucking lame.

*Kell clears his throat*

Kell Inkston: Right, w-well it’s a pleasure to be able to host my stories on-

Shorts Minion: Freakin’ A, dude, and why did you cast me as the host? I don’t even read your stuff!

Kell Inkston: Well… I mean you’re Shorts Minion, aren’t you?

*Shorts Minion’s jaw drops*

Shorts Minion: You cheeky, four-eyed cunt!

*Kell Inkston throws his hands up before crossing them and turning away in embarrassment*

Shorts Minion: I’m here because of my name?!

Kell Inkston: Relax. It was a natural choice!

Shorts Minion: If being an insensitive asshole was your idea of a “natural choice” then congratulations! You’re naturally a terrible person.

Kell Inkston: Now look-

*Shorts Minion raises a hand at Kell in interruption*

Shorts Minion: You look, mister. The Head Pants-Wearer’s gonna bust in here any second to save me from this obviously-illegal abuse of minion-labor! I thought I was getting my own series, not be some stupid idiot announcing your gay fucking short stories!

*Kell looks aside, exuding a quick smugness as he reaches into his inside jacket pocket*

Kell Inkston: Who said anything about it being illegal?

Shorts Minion: Wait, uh, what do you-

*Shorts Minion stops as Kell produces a small document titled “Allowance of Labor” and signed at the bottom with the High Overlord’s signature. Shorts Minion reads it over from his spot at the table and then pauses for a moment*

Kell Inkston: Turns out your “boss” isn’t always the sort to read paperwork to the end. He stopped when it mentioned payment would be in tea.

Shorts Minion: You insidious bastard.

*Kell chuckles as he folds back the document and replaces it into his jacket*

Kell Inkston: And there you have it. I have you for the entire series.

*There’s an awkward pause in the studio. It’s obvious that Shorts Minion is very angry. He starts shouting at Mister Inkston for about three minutes, chases him around the room, and throws his travel mug at him before settling down*

Shorts Minion: You… little cunt! How dare you trick him like that!?

Kell Inkston: I didn’t “trick” anyone. You’re subservient to your overlord so you have to do as he says, and he says present my shorts.

Shorts Minion: Fuck you! Or what?!

Kell Inkston: I’ll let him know you were a naughty minion that doesn’t want to do as he says, of course.

Shorts Minion: Y… Well yeah, but what wo-

Kell Inkston: And I do believe he would be partial to using the Minion Wagon next time I hit him up; I’ll make sure to wait until he’s in a bad mood next time I contact him.

*Shorts Minion scoffs, and throws his recouped travel mug at Kell once more, but he misses again*

Shorts Minion: Oh yeah? And just how would you figure that o-

*Shorts Minion stops while he just looks at Kell, posing smugly in his chair with one leg on top of the other*

Shorts Minion: You fucking cheater.

Kell Inkston: So, do we have a deal?

Shorts Minion: Take a shaft, analyst.

Kell Inkston: Do. We. Have. A. Deal?

*Shorts Minion crosses his arms and groans loudly— it’s very annoying*

Shorts Minion: Fiiiiiine, but I’m not gonna go easy on you. You're gonna hate what I have to say about your stupid short stories!

*Kell shrugs*

Kell Inkston: Fine by me.

*Interview Ends*