I turned and eyed him warily, expecting some kind of sarcastic remark or stupid joke to slip from his lips. It never came. He simply looked into the water at our reflection, a grin plastered onto his face. My head turned back to face the ocean. We had grown. Gone were the days where we would play in the backyard, pretending that the sticks and stones we wielded were swords and shields. The chubby baby faces we both once had were replaced with sharp jawlines that sported hair.

That being said, we would both be lying if we said we no longer held any "childish" qualities. Though my brother was far more open about them, mine were more... dormant. They manifested during that moment, however, as my lips curved into a mischievous grin. I placed my hand on his back. He had gotten me earlier with his water bucket, and that was something I couldn't just let go of. An eye for an eye.

His eyes widened and he let out a meek gasp as I shoved him into the water. With a splash, he sank beneath the surface. From my stomach erupted thunderous laughter, for I had finally gotten my revenge. Only, my incessant laughter ceased once I realized that the submerged body of my brother had not resurfaced. It wouldn't be unlike him to stay underneath the water to scare me, so I waited for a few moments. A few moments became seconds, and seconds became a full minute. I grew increasingly worried and rushed into the water, groping underneath the surface, feeling for my brother.

As soon as I felt a mass of skin within my grasp, I pulled upward with all my might. I clung desperately to the man within my arms, dragging him back to the sandy shores. I laid him down on my towel. The black and blue bruise on his forehead was large enough to be visible. I smacked his cheek, softly at first, then more forcefully.

"Fuck... no no no this isn't fucking happening right now...", were the sole words I uttered as I shook his body...

I clawed at my pockets and ripped my phone out from inside them, furiously dialing for help...

I never knew how beautiful my mother looked in black. It was a color she never wore, and I wish it stayed that way. Friends and family from all over the country gathered to celebrate the memory of my brother. I looked down towards the note cards I firmly gripped in my hands. My eyes glanced over the first few words I had written on them.

"I would like to thank everyone for coming today. Today is not a day of grieving. Rather, it is a day for our friends and family to come together and celebrate the life of my brother, James White."

I tucked the notes into my pocket for the time. As the service progressed, my father must have noticed my growing anxiety. My leg shook as my time to speak approached. I felt my father's hand softly pat me on the back. It was comforting and gave me just enough strength to persevere. Finally, it was my turn to speak. I stood up and walked to the front of the room. Turning to face my family, I removed the note cards from my pocket and began reading.

Time seemed to slow down that day. Each word that exited my parted lips took forever to do so. I made my way down the script, choking back tears in the process. It wasn't until towards the end of my speech that I broke down, gripping the wooden podium before me and sobbing into my sleeve. My father approached and firmly embraced me, before leading me back to my seat. Extending his hand, I offered him my notes, and he took to the podium.

"James was a brother, a son, and above all else, an amazing human being. May his memory be cherished forever, for all the smiles he gave to those around him. James, I hope that you're somewhere out there looking upon us. We want you to know that we love you, and that..."

My father paused for a moment. I hung my head down, preparing for what I would hear next. With a hefty sigh, he finished his sentence.

"We hope that you know we forgive you... for taking your life."