>> “Fate has never been written by anyone. It happens due to experiences acquired from the scenarios they encounter along the walks of life.”

No one can say what fate awaits towards them.

No one can predict the future lies ahead; what outcome life will give in the actions they choose to do.

Consequences always have been with us all. Towards the actions we choose to accept makes we see everything.

“I like you! Please go out with me!”

I was in Junior High, and a girl from my class decided to confess to me. At my age, common things like “admiration” and “fondness” happens to the feelings.

This girl, I don’t even recall her name at all. All I know is that she’s beautiful.

Having a round face and pearl-like complex, and round shaped eyes with chestnut color; also, she has a short hair, braided in style from the side and a petite body.

She’s cheerful and friendly. Boys from my class also admire her, as well with other students and teachers. We talked frequently, apparently.

Greetings with ‘hi’ and ‘hello’, as well with “good morning” are our usual conversation. Sometimes, we just had a chat together with random topics.

I never knew she’s bearing feelings towards me.

Common thing teenagers can’t deny when they meet someone that changes their behavior unnaturally. Of course, I’m no exception to that. I don’t have any abhorrence on it, even just a little.

Yet, what makes me wonder is that there’s no such thing as “happiness” or “gladness” towards the word “I love you,” or “I like you” on me.

The fond feeling from those words seems vague.

I don’t know why, but when it comes to something like “getting intimate with an opposite sex” is far distant from me.

“I do appreciate your feelings, but... I’m sorry...”

I let the bitter words out of my mouth. The painful thought that anyone doesn’t want to hear.

The girl shunned from what I said. Her lips bite for a moment, and tears welled up on her eyes. I feel bad for rejecting her confession, but there’s no way I can start a lie.

“I... I see. Umm, if it’s okay to ask... do you have someone you already liked?”

She frets out after those words come up. This girl show fear towards my answer, yet... she does want to know the reason why I rejected her.

Of course, I will answer her question. To have a proper closure towards this talk... it’s all that I need to say.

But then, I repatriate. What will be her thoughts if I said the truth? This is the first time I got a confession from someone.

This is the first time I will say something absurd to have a proper closure. Will this turn fine? I don’t know...

“I don’t... I don’t have someone I like.” I answered.

Her expression got perplexed from my answer. She seemed troubled out from what I said.

“Then, then why?” her voice quiver asking that question; I know this go harder for her.

Heaving a sigh, I look directly into her eyes. The pure thoughts arrange in my mind slowly comes up. I open my mouth, and let those words flow naturally towards hers.

“... I’m being skeptic on the word ‘love’ and ‘like.’ If I answer your feelings now, you will just end up getting hurt; it will be unbearable.”

A straightforward answer I gave. She then nods at me and smiles. Though I can sense that smile hides the pain from what I’ve said.

“I see. Thank you for being honest with me...”

From those words she said, we parted ways right after. Did I reach her feelings? Did things made clear about it?

I don’t know, and I don’t want to know further. Hurting someone is the least thing I want to do. Yet, it can’t be helped.

♦ ♦ ♦

>> Senior High.

Another chapter of my life unfolded. It’s been a year since the confession, and now I was in wonder what that girl is doing now.

On a certain moment, I found her sitting with a guy. She seemed happy being with him. From the distance I just stand. All through the thing I have said before, if those didn’t convey out... will she smile at me like that?

At some point, I feel a little remorse from what I’ve done. If lying would be the best thing to do, will that cover my true feelings?

And then, I thought about it... now I see her happy towards someone, I’m also glad from it. The guilt that will pile up won’t ever be forgiven if she learns it.

I continue the life towards the greatest thing as I can. To see the bright side of everything that happens to me.

The time of me being a student is just a short notice; savoring every moment is something I need to do.

Throughout the years I spent in high school is a wonderful memory. I meet different people and form bonds with them. They became my irreplaceable companions, maybe not in life, but in aspects of my memory.

I’ve forgotten the feelings of being ‘adored’ or ‘yearned’ by someone. Ignoring it; and never pay attention to whatever someone show motive towards that.

And then, graduation came.

April. It’s the time we seniors accepts tribute to our juniors as they give us congratulatory speech. Of course, I made friends with my juniors in different levels.

However, that thing came up to me again. One of my juniors came up with strong feelings of admiration.

Her name’s Catherine, a famous Junior High student in my school. She’s a beauty, who’s at peak of the summit. Girls and boys admire her due to being polite and smart.

She’s also good in sports and excels in academics. However, everything changed; she’s a spoiled junior whenever I’m around.

I’m an only child, so having a little sister companion is the thing I’m longing for.

Throughout the times we’ve been together, I never felt any special feelings for her. She’s a good student, and person towards me.

I treated her like anyone else, like my peers treated others. Getting concerned towards something is what I always do, like an elder brother.

Not that I realized it turned into something complex, and I never wanted to understand.

“Senior Justine, I do like you. But I know you never looked at me like I look at you. I’m such a big idiot, hoping that you will like me as well...”

She has been known all along, that my feelings won’t waver out from fondness others desire to have.

“But still, I will hold on to these feelings. I will still hold to these... and wait for you.”

With those words, Catherine runs away without hearing any thoughts from me. I parted to her without clarifying things at all.

After that, our means of communication cut off.

I never heard of her ever again. I never get cleared of these feelings.

Without having any contact, and without me knowing... that will be the reason for my own downfall.