Alliyah

“Light of my life? You guys must be talking about me!”

Alliyah skateboarded her way to where Rayne, Malcolm, and Ocean were sitting down at the skate-park.

“Nah, Malcolm’s trying to convert us into fans of Lana.” Ocean replied.

“Who?”

“Oh, my god.” Malcolm dramatically slid down the big skateboarding bowl, making Rayne shake her head and Ocean laugh.

“She’s a Goddess, Alliyah!”

“I’m a god, and not everyone knows me.” She shrugged.

“Just listen to Cinnamon Girl, please!” He shouted from the ground.

“Fine, text me the link, but shut up now.”

Alliyah gracefully slid down the bowl too, positioning herself in front of Ocean and Rayne.

“Guys, listen, I have something to tell you. Only Blue knows so far.”

“You told him before me?! I feel betrayed.” Malcolm dramatized.

She ignored his remark, and continued:

“I’m quitting interior design.”

“What? But you’re, like, the best. You’re just starting to make a name for yourself!” Ocean gaped.

“I know I’m outstandingly talented and beautiful.”

“That’s not even what I sai-”

“But I’m just not happy. I’m just stressed all the time.”

“That’s… Part of having jobs.” Malcolm said, despite being in college and never having had a job.

“No, it’s not. Look, Rayne, are you always stressed about your job?”

Alliyah knew she didn’t even have a job at that moment, but since she kept her secret, Rayne would help her argument.

“Not at all, it’s the easiest thing ever.”

“See. I want a job that doesn’t make me miserable. I’m tired of living someone else’s dream.”

A shiver ran through Alliyah’s spine as she remembered why she went to San Francisco and why she started working as a designer. It was other people who wanted her to leave Detroit and live a better life. And she was living a better life, but only materialistically. Sure, her finances were stable.

But she was becoming one of those people who hated their jobs because the jobs became just a source of income instead of a passion.

But she was determined to change that.

“I think it is a splendid idea.” Rayne spoke up, petting the iguana that was next to her. “To look for something better. Is that not why we left our home-countries?… Or towns, in your cases.”

“Indeed. Thank you.” Alliyah smiled up at Rayne. Behind and above her, the sky was turning into a marvelous dark blue after the sun had set, which she thought further complemented the dark-haired girl’s beauty perfectly.

“We support you, of course.” Ocean stated. “So, what kind of job are you looking for now?”

“Well, I should go. Z and I have a date tomorrow morning.”

“It’s 6 pm you clown.” Ocean commented as Alliyah climbed up and out of the bowl.

“I have to make dinner!” She exclaimed while skateboarding her way out of the skate-park.

Alliyah was cooking dinner when Lamar walked through the door.

“Hey, Little. Had a nice day at school?”

“It was good. There are two new kids in our class.”

“Did you become their friend?” She inquired while flipping two burgers on a grill.

“Yes, they’re siblings, they were just adopted!”

“Oh, good for them.”

For a second, Alliyah thought back to when she was unofficially adopted. Sometimes she thought how different her life would’ve been if she had gone into the system. Through foster houses, until a family decided she was good enough.

Or maybe she’d be adopted immediately by caring, rich people… No, that one she didn’t believe much.

When she brought herself back to reality, Lamar was gone. She washed a few leaves of lettuce, chopped half of a tomato in thin slices, and put some onion half-moons on the grill - and hoped the smell wouldn't make her cry.

“Can I help?” Lamar was back.

“If you want. Put a cheese slice over each burger.”

They simply waited for the cheese to melt, then removed the burgers from the grill, and soon enough they were putting everything together and enjoying the simple meal.

The following morning, she and Z strolled through the cluttered Manhattan street on their way back to Alliyah’s apartment. All around them people rushed to their destination, doors were slammed, taxi drivers yelled at other motorists, but none of that disturbed them, as they spoke to each other. Z walked Snow, and Alliyah walked Arrow.

“So, you’re quitting, uh? Wow. I really thought you’d get popular. Especially with these last big designs.

“These last big designs are what made me think I do not want this forever." Alliyah chuckled.

“So, what do you want?”

Alliyah looked down at the floor, and she was glad she did because it was just in time to spot a dog’s dropping and avoid it.

Central Park is right there and yet… She thought, before remembering Z asked her something.

“I don’t know yet. Something that doesn’t drain the life out of me.”

She let out another bitter chuckle, then felt Z’s hand on her shoulder and leaned her head into it, although it was awkward as they walked.

“You’ll find the right thing.” Z smiled.

“I know.” Alliyah kissed Z’s hand, still on her shoulder. “But, for now, let us take these girls back home because I am starving.”

“Excellent. I want to take you to this new diner called Pnk’s.”

Alliyah didn’t need persuading.

She took the dogs home and came back down, while Z stayed waiting on the stoop.

“Oh, there she is.”

She heard z, looked up, and saw the reason for her to be speaking.

“Hello. Can we talk?” It was Cleo.

In a split second, Alliyah thought about saying no, thought about telling her that she could say what she wanted in front of Z, thought about sending Z away… But ended up saying:

“Z, this is Cleo.” There was a tiny bit of hesitation in her voice.

“Oh… Oh! Hi, nice to finally meet you.”

Cleo let her long straight hair cascade over her face and smiled politely. Z stood shy and awkwardly.

“Babe, can you wait at my place, please?”

“Sure.” Z and Cleo shared a nod before she walked up the stairs and entered the building.

“What do you want?”

“A friend.”

Alliyah stayed silent, her hands slowly making their way into her blue jeans’ pockets.

“I… Broke off the engagement with Dylan.” Cleo continued hesitatingly. “I… Broke up with him.”

Alliyah felt chills all over her body. Those were the words she wanted to hear, but about six years previously.

“Well, that’s wonderful for you.” Alliyah's jaw tensed.

“Then why does it hurt?”

Cleo broke down crying and hugged her. The slightly taller girl couldn’t help but hold her. It was almost instinctive. Her arms just fit so well around her. And again, she felt chills all over her body as the other girl sobbed into her embrace.

Could it be that she had changed? Crying in public, that was not the Cleo she used to know. Breaking up with him, that was already a huge change. But were they just going to get back together, anyway?

“I’m sorry. This is probably weird to you. I jus- You’re the only one I wanted to be with right now…” She trailed off, breaking down.

“Yes, it is weird. But I ain't sending you away like that.” Alliyah pulled her down to sit on the stoop.

For a moment they remained in silence, Cleo’s head against Alliyah’s shoulder, Alliyah’s arm around her. Cleo clang to her arm like a child.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t honest about who I was these months. I’m going to change, I’m tired of playing games.“

The other girl stayed quiet, not sure if she believed the words that were declared to her.

“I’m sorry about what happened back then, too. I shouldn’t have told everyone you kissed me… And I shouldn’t have pretended I didn’t like it.”

She paused and Alliyah quietly waited for the rest. She had removed her arm from the old friend’s back and was now hugging her own legs, knees pressed against her own chest. Her jaw repeatedly pulsed.

Cleo took a deep breath, before continuing:

“And I shouldn’t have stopped talking to you. Not in high-school, not after. We could have been great together.”

Alliyah watched the city work right in front of her. All the cabs, the suits, the blue-collar workers, everyone, everything moving from Uptown to Downtown. While it felt like her world had stopped. Cleo was waiting for her to accept her apology, the very much awaited apology. The apology she’d been waiting for for half a decade. Furthermore, Z was waiting for her upstairs.

But Alliyah, she was frozen. Was Cleo still talking?

“…Do you understand? Alliyah? Say something.”

After a few more seconds of silence:

“…Thank you for acknowledging what happened… Thank you for apologizing.”

“Do you accept?”

Abruptly the world did stop. No cab moved, no pedestrian walked, the wind didn’t blow in their hair. She looked at Cleo for the first time in minutes and saw the past.

The kiss which she had been craving since the first time they’d met, which was reciprocated. She saw Cleo trying on her mother’s clothes for the first time, asking her how she looked - even back then, she seemed so elegant, so charming. She saw Cleo’s mother die of cancer, much like her own, and how she was there for her.

Alliyah looked past what had separated them. It was over, and it was time to move on.

The young woman was at her doorstep asking for forgiveness. She looked into her brown eyes speckled with blue (but only due to the contact lenses she wore), and it all went away.

“Yes. I accept.”

Cleo hugged her tighter than ever before.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too. So much.”

Cleo wished to stay and talk for a while, but Alliyah reminded her that Z awaited upstairs, so she reluctantly got in her car and drove away while the other girl watched her from the top of the stairs before going inside.

That evening, she was sitting on the couch, her feet on the coffee table, laptop over her thighs, Z’s head on her shoulder. Besides their voices, the only sounds in the house were those of the latter girl distractedly playing an old console game.

Alliyah searched for jobs.

“What are social services?” She started looking into it. “What’s a chaplain? …Catholic? Yikes. No, thank you.”

Z laughed.

“Confidential investigator?! Sounds fun!”

“You probably need specific studies for that, pup.” Z stated, making her frown.

“Forensic mortuary technician?! Sign me the heck up.”

“Oh, please you barf when others barf, you couldn’t possibly cut a dead body open without barfing on their insides.”

“You just said ‘barf’ way too m- Pet store!”

Z lifted her gaze from the game and looked at Alliyah:

“Now that sounds like a you job, pup. How much would you make?”

“Hmm, sort of how much I made as a designer. Depending on the projects I had, you know? At least this would be more stable. And there would be animals.”

“Go for it.”

After Alliyah sent in her application, her phone rang:

“Change of plans.” Rayne went straight to the point. “There was a tsunami in Kenya, and the organization thinks it is safe to go over there and help by now.”

“Kenya…?”

“Yes, why? Is that a problem? You said you would do anything.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll do anything for you, with you, to you…”

“More details tomorrow.”

Rayne hanged up the call, which made Alliyah smile. She enjoyed annoying her.

“Kenya.“ She said absentmindedly looking at her phone.

“What about it?” Z sat next to her with two bowls of cereal and milk. Alliyah didn’t even notice that she had left her side.

“You know how I don’t remember much from my parents?”

Z nodded while chewing a mouthful.

“I’m not sure, but I think I just had a memory, almost like a flashback of my mom telling me about her parents being from Kenya.

“Cool…?

“No, it’s not cool, I hate not knowing anything about my family or my ancestors!” Alliyah suddenly got up and exclaimed, louder than wanted, given that Lamar was asleep in his room nearby.

Z grabbed her hand and pulled her down to sit back on the couch next to her, then held her in her arms.

“It’s been a weird, long day to you. I should get going, and you should go to sleep. Get some rest.”

“You’re not going out there at almost midnight, you’re sleeping here.”

“I was secretly hoping you’d say that.”

“Yeah, you just wanna sleep with me, I know.” Alliyah playfully flirted.

“I’ve been caught.” Z chuckled, holding her hands up.

Despite her usual carefree attitude, Alliyah did terribly miss her parents every day. Sometimes, she just couldn’t stop herself from thinking of them. Would they be proud that she’s giving up a successful career for her mental health?

Well, that was the idea she liked to have of them. But they had died so long ago she hardly knew what they were actually like. Maybe they'd just think mental health is a silly concept, and that she should stay on that job.

That night, she waited for Z to fall asleep, and went to attempt to draw them. She remembered her mother’s long braided hair and rich dark skin; and recalled her dad’s dimpled bright smile. He grinned a lot before her mother passed away. Eventually, the thing he regularly had on his thick lips was a bottle of whiskey.

As Alliyah worked the pencil on the white sheet, she frowned at the thought of the last conversation she remembered having with her mother. It wasn’t the last one, but it was the one that stayed with her:

‘Mommy is sick.’ She remembered that she tenderly stroked her cheek. ‘And Mommy doesn’t have the money to kill the sickness’.

The words rang in her brain more often than she would ever admit to anyone. Although, even that memory that was once so vivid started being morphed, ‘Did she say sick or ill? Did she say mommy or mamma?’