“So, I think we’re only a couple short, we’ve got one guy still at the airport and I think, correct me if I’m wrong Jack, Maja is coming today.” I nodded, and then blushed as the staff turned to smirk at me. “But, other than them,” Sam continued. “We’re all here! Welcome saplings, hopefully when I say goodbye I can call you all Druids. Now tod-”

A hand shot up, asking for permission to speak and taking it anyway. “What level are you? You’re a Druid right? Sol says you’re level 32, my Daddy is a level 33 Knight¸ so he can beat you up, right?”

After he had gotten over the offence at the interruption, Sam placed his hand on his chin in an exaggerated facsimile of thought. “Hmm. I think I know your Dad. Maybe he could break a bone of mine or two before I got away.” He took a step closer to the child. “But when I came back, I could poison his wells, kill his cows, peel his toenails off with elder wood while his livestock pin him.” Sam levelled his face with his new enemy, lowering his voice until only he could hear. “And if you talk out of turn again? You’ll find out just how fast I can do all that.”

As Sam crossed the circle to his original place, Abby placed a hand on the now-quivering kid’s shoulder. ‘He’s joking.’ she mouthed.

“Um, where was I?” Sam patted his pockets like he was searching for his words. His aggression forgotten. “Yeah! Today, we’re gonna formally train you up a little. I need everyone at least casting Whipping Vines. So for Druids… wait let’s put it into context.” He turned to me. “How did you awaken and get those first few levels Andre? Andre is a Knight, just like your dad, huh?” Sam smiled at his victim, showing every single one of his teeth.

“Oh, me? I, um, spent a lot of time in the gym?” Andre rocked back and forth on his seat as he spoke. “Knights have to honour a chivalrous code, and if we break it, we lose all our levels, so I chose,” he stood, “’Honour my mother, and other people’s mothers.’” He sat back down, smiling sheepishly. “It doesn’t really matter what it is, just that I follow it. And then, yeah, hit level 1, and it’s all history. Joined the army, went to… places. And here I am. Level 22.”

“Thank you, Andre. What about you Abby?” he turned to the Evoker.

She shook her head, quickly.

Sam continued, undeterred. “What about you Tom?”

The Enchanter stood, adjusting his glasses.

“I did a degree in engineering, didn’t do much engineering, but spent a lot of time in the workshop, just welding everything I could together. I was more like an abstract artist than an engineer. Eventually I stuck a crow skull on a tail pipe, looked terrible, but apparently that was the last thing I needed to push me over to being an Enchanter. Level 26 by the way.” He sat, re-adjusting his glasses, attaching a pas-nez, deciding against it and placing it back in his leather patch coat.

Sam nodded, appreciative. “Jack?”

I knew it was coming every year, and it still took me a second to prepare myself.

“I was a,” I swallowed, “A pharmaceuticals rep. I would sell drugs to hospitals to give to people that didn’t need them, couldn’t afford them, or both. I’m not proud of it, but I just didn’t know any better. Eventually I suppose I told one too many lies and it tipped me over the edge. I think if I was more violent, I would have been a rogue, but I ended up a level 1 Illusionist. Then I got drafted, blah, blah, blah, level 25.” I nodded at Sam, and slouched as best I could sitting on a stool.

“Sorry,” a hand raised, “May I?” a girl with a severe face and a mousey brown plait asked, Sam nodded and she kicked her brand new boots at the ground, nervously. “Uh, I’m Amelia, hi, level 1 Druid, do I have to say that? Oh, okay. Well I’m just Amelia then. I just wanted to ask, you, Jack, if it was okay-“

“It’s okay Amelia, just ask”

“So you’re a level 25 Illusionist, and I suppose you probably know a lot of magic, but what do you do with it? Sorry if that’s intrusive.”

“It’s not intrusive, it’s fine.” I un-slouched. “Well once upon a time I was in the war, like your parents or guardians might have been. But now I, uh, I can do a mean light show? Dancing lights. Boom.” I lay my hand flat, palm up and played out a tiny disco, with all the drama of a Manchester night out, drinks were spilled, punches were thrown, kisses were shared. I wiggled my other hand through it. It faded away. “That’s one thing. I mean I do lots of stuff with kids. I’m like a walking projector. But,” I scratched my head. I needed a shower. “To really answer your question Amelia, it’s not about the magic. It’s about the man – or woman, sorry. Day to day there’s not much I can do a VR headset can’t, but I am a pretty cool guy. VR headsets don’t have the dance moves I do.” I smiled, grateful when she nodded and hummed. Hopefully I wouldn’t have to face that question again.

“Anyway.” Sam continued. “I became a Druid like this. I used to teach Bush Craft, and I took a month out to go romp around in the Great Northwest, in the US, and in the forests, no one maintains them, a tree falls and they just chainsaw all the way through so there’s a path. Anyway I’m walking through this path, and there’s eight foot of solid wood either side of me, all the way. Now bears, when they walk, they don’t go in a straight line, they go like this,” Sam took a few steps doing a good impression of a drunk man, lurching this way and that, “’ooh, what’s this’ and ‘oh this smells nice’, ‘I might take a small shit over here, no, maybe over here’. And you won’t get anywhere like that, so you just have to throw rocks at them. So, I was behind a bear, tossing rocks at it, until we came into a clearing. The bear wandered off and there were these two stags, rutting, just slamming their heads into each other. So I turned around the other way, because a bear might hurt you if you annoy it around a cub, but a stag could just kill you accidentally. I went around for a bit but couldn’t find anywhere to put my tent. Eventually it was getting late so I went back to that clearing, set my tent up. And all I could hear was a bear snuffling, deer rutting, and the soft padding of a cougar. I took my pistol out, because as much as I hate them, with a cougar its that or die. Never fired it though. I heard this scuffling, but no cries, and by the time I got out the tent the cougar was impaled on one stags antlers, and the other stag had killed itself ripping its antlers out in the others belly. Three animals died protecting me. Although I’m not sure which one was helping and which one was hunting. And by the time I woke up I was a level 1 Druid.”

There was applause, and the standard appreciative hum.

Sam sure could talk. I knew that wasn’t how it happened. All the staff did.

That’s not how you become a Druid. The story was true, but he was already a level 10 at that point. I know for a fact he was there on that first year, with our old chef. Druids don’t become Druids through those rare, sweet moments of nature connection. The only way you get off the ground as a Druid, is through one of chef’s secret stews. But that’s not a first night story for the kids, that one comes after the arena. The kids wouldn’t like it, but we all have to make sacrifices, that’s where Illusion truly comes in.