Violets memory - 6 years ago

Have you ever ran so fast that your mouth gets really dry and your throat burns? That's exactly how I felt in that moment. Fear, I had never felt it like this before, only when my dad was really angry with me. But even then, I knew he wouldn't kill me for not doing my chores properly.

But this, this was different.

Trees..

That's all I could see shooting past me as I ran through the woods. The shifter behind me in the distance, the one who let me go. I can still hear him laughing to himself whilst he let me run. Prey, that's all I was and ever will be from this moment on. All of my hopes and dreams were ruined. The way I saw life was forever changed from this day forwards. No more rainbows and unicorns for me. No sunshine or daisies, only rain and thunder. Pain and anger was all I could feel now.

"Get over the line.. Get over the line"

I kept saying those words over and over in my head like I could magically fly back to my pack's territory and be safe from from him. If not forever, then at least for now.

Then I heard it.

He shifted!

I ran faster, if that was even possible. I knew now that this game he was playing meant I would be dead if I didn't reach our territory in time. I had to block out everything that just happened and pray I reached that tree before he killed me. A rogue cannot pass into an Alpha's territory, not without painting a red target on his back. His wolf's snout was snapping at my heels, cold, wet and it made me want to vomit to have any more of him touch me. He was fast. Too fast!

I can see the line and I almost scream out for my mother. She had been dead for almost five years now, but I can't help it. She was the first face that came to my mind when he pinned me down and took the one and only thing from me that was meant for my Mate and my Mate alone. I prayed she would help me, that anyone would help me. But the help never came. No one did and it was all my fault. I should never have left the pack lands.

My eyes were burning with tears and they were streaming down my face. My vision blurred and I couldn't get enough air into my lungs. I ran but I couldn't feel my legs anymore, I wasn't old enough to find my wolf yet so I had to rely on myself as I had yet to reach my seventeenth year and shift. I had to get back on my own without my wolf's help.

Then I saw it... the line!

I started counting down in my head how many steps it would take to reach it. My haven, home, safety, family. Everything I took for granted not one hour ago.

6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.....

I jumped and hurled myself at the rock facing me just over the line.

I made it!

I heard the skidding of his paws as he tried to slow his pace enough that he didn't cross our borders. One step onto the RedFang packs territory and he would be hunted down like the dog he is and served on a plate to my Alpha.

He growled ...

Staring me down with a cocky disposition was a large black wolf with yellow eyes. He sneered at me. Smiling to himself at his recent win. His claiming of my body.

That's what it was wasn't it?

He won.

And I was forever changed and tied to him in some way. I no longer belonged to myself anymore, I was dirty, unworthy and he knew it. He laughed in his wolf form, turned around and sprang back into the trees which led north of our pack.

Shock settled in and the reality of what just transpired.

Then I heard it.

Silence...

Then the shock set in.

Nothingness.

I felt nothing, I saw nothing, I smelt nothing. I was nothing. No mate would ever want me now and the realisation made me whimper. I was tainted, numb and completed void of emotion. Why have I stopped crying? Why am I not screaming anymore?

"Dad... dad will know what to do"

But first I had to stand up.

But I couldn't move. My legs started to shake. I must have sat there for hours before I managed to pull myself into a sitting position. Slowly, I stood and found myself on the long walk back to the house I shared with my father as I tried to decide how I would tell him. I knew what would happen, I would be punished. Punished for leaving the territory and scolded for allowing that rogue to take my virginity. To not fight like a RedFang should.

To not....No, I had to stop blaming myself. Dad would understand I know he would. All I had to do was be honest and tell him how much I fought back. How I didn't just lie there like he told me too. How I fought with everything in me.

I finally reached my porch. It was 6pm now and the clocks had already gone back. No one was out and most of the pack were in their houses. So thankfully, no one saw me. Besides, I was not yet ready to see anyone yet, if ever! Not even my dad, but I knew I had too. There was no escaping it now and I was ashamed and felt like the whole world was on my shoulders. I looked around panicking, feeling like everyone knew. Then, for just a moment I allowed a little hope to enter my mind.

Maybe.... Dad would track him down and kill him, maybe he would tell the Alpha and the council and they would take pity on me.

Fat chance Violet!

It was dark and the light on the porch illuminated my tear streaked face. My hair was tangled, my clothes were torn and there was blood Mark's upon my clothing. I cant remember if it was mine or not. I don't remember how it got there. I let out a long breath, closed my eyes tightly and silently asked my Mom for strength. Dad hadnt been loving towards me since mommy's death. He always wanted a son he said and felt like any daughter was a worthless investment, weak and inconsequential. Unless she was a Luna she was pointless except for providing her mate with pups. He wasnt always like this, but something snapped in him the day mommy died and he hadn't cared for me since. It was all about the hierarchy and social standing in the pack. This was drummed into me from an early age. Dont ever bring shame to dad's title in the pack. Dont bring shame to the Alpha, dont bring shame to RedFang. All I ever wanted was his acceptance, but the Beta of the pack always expected more from you and that was final.

As soon as I walked through the door dad's head lifted from the couch. He sniffed the air...

"Oh no... please don't let him smell that wolf on me, not until i have time to explain"

But he did, of course he did. He was the Alpha's Beta and his senses were stronger than any normal werewolf. His eyes widened as he took in my appearance. It felt like ten minutes had passed between us as he tried to accept the picture in font of him. I stood there, frozen in place and waiting.

Then, he stormed over to me with a cold, calculated vehemance in his eyes.

Smack!

My head turned and even though my brain knew he slapped me my body had yet to register the pain. I slowly turned back to look at him. My mouth couldn't form any coherent words. I stood there, shaking violently and yet I couldn't utter one word to defend myself. I just hoped he would understand. But he didn't.

None of them did.

I could see it in him and knew this would be how the pack would look at me for the rest of my life. His eyes glazed over and I started to scream, tugging at his arm and begging him with all my might, he was mind linking and speaking with Alpha Greyson. Letting him know what he thought I had done without hearing my side of the story. This had to happen, yes, I knew the Alpha would have to be informed, but not yet!

I wasn't ready.

I knew what this meant, my father was my judge, jury and executioner and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Now the Alpha knew, that meant everyone in the pack knew.

And that was the beginning of my hell. Six years had passed since that day. Six years of being shunned and alienated. Violet the 'easy', Violet the 'stupid', Violet the 'weak'.

The Beta's daughter who threw herself on any lone wolf she could get her hands on. The plain Jane who couldn't wait to loose her 'V'. The shewolf who lost her self respect and her Mate's along with it. That was the last day my father ever spoke to me. I lost everything that day.

This is how they described me and this was how I was known after that nightmare in the woods. I had no where to hide my shame and no one let me forget it, especially the boys. They were the worst. They cornered me on my own sometimes as I walked home from school. Pretending to attack me and running away laughing, asking me if I liked it and whether I would rut any of them like the wolfwhore I was.

Only one friend stood by my side. Milly, the omega and weakest wolf of the pack. But titles meant nothing to me. She was my friend and she was everything to an outcast like me and I was so thankful for her friendship. I was broken, but with her I felt I had some reason to live. At least one person would care if I died.

I drowned myself in books to escape it all and stayed clear of all male wolves, younger and older. Praying and hoping for the day I would meet the one man who was created for me. The one shifter who would defend me against all others and the one wolf who could bring back the old Violet.

The one who died in the woods six years ago....