-

The alarm rings and I slowly sit up. My hands go to my head, clutching it.

"Ugh, this is worse than a hangover." I groan and turn off my alarm as I stand. A knock on my door echoes into my ears.

I close my eyes firmly as I grit out. "Who is it?"

"Your husband."

I quickly swallow an aspirin and sip some water. Then I take a few breaths to relax.

"Come in." I finally say and he opens the door, peeking in.

River smiles. "Morning, my queen."

"Yeah, morning."

"Are you okay?" He furrows his eyebrows, reaching for me.

I nod silently while he inspects me. River narrows his eyes at me and grips my hips, giving me a look over. Biting my lip, I look at him nervously as he stares at me.

"Okay." He grins. "It just seemed like something was off."

I shake my head. "Nope! Everything is perfectly fine."

"Good. Wanna have breakfast together in the cafeteria?"

"Sure." I smile. "Let me just change."

River nods. "Alright. I'll be waiting outside the door for you."

He leans in and pecks my lips sweetly. I hold his hand for a moment before letting him go, gulping. River winks at me then closes the door behind him.

I let out a breath I was holding and begin to change. When I look in the mirror, the guilt from yesterday and every other day is still there. It just won't go away...

•••

"Want some pancakes?"

"Just one."

"Scrambled eggs?"

"No thanks."

"Fruit?"

"Only a little."

"How about some bacon?"

"I'm good, thank you."

I grab a bottle of apple juice and walk towards River. But someone pops up in front of me.

"Alexis." I breathe, the guilt coming back to me.

She eyes my plate. "You don't have a lot of food on your plate..."

"No, " I mutter. "I don't."

"Why?" Her eyes widen. "Are you pregnant?"

"What the hell, Alexis." I shake my head. "If I was pregnant, I would be eating more! Not less."

Alexis narrows her eyes at me. "Then what's wrong with you?"

"Nothing."

"Stop lying."

I sigh. "I'm not lying."

"Okay, fine." She murmurs, beginning to walk away. "I don't know why I even try."

I reach out for her but quickly pull back.

There's no point. I can't tell her the truth and that's what she wants. It's what she deserves too but I just can't..

I take a deep breath and continue to River's table. He smiles at me. But once his eyes reach my plate, he frowns.

"Hey, are you okay?" River asks and I nod, sitting beside him.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Why?"

He gestures to my plate. "Your plate is almost empty."

"Half empty, half full." I shrug and he chuckles.

"Okay..." We eat in comfortable silence before going back to the office.

I sit at my desk. "So what do you got for me today?"

"Um, nothing really. I barely have anything to do myself. I just need to sign a couple of papers."

"Oh." I eye the papers. "Am I allowed to sign them?"

River looks up at me, his eyes narrowing. "I didn't really think of that."

"So I can?" I grin.

"As a matter of fact, you can." He smiles and I stand up.

"Okay, you can take half and I'll take the other half."

"Got it." River nods and we begin our work. Half an hour later, we're finished.

River kisses my forehead. "Good work, my queen."

He puts his arm around my waist as we walk down the hall. "Now what?" I question.

"I don't know." River murmurs. "I didn't have anything planned for today."

"Well, we could-"

I'm cut off by a buzzing. He gives me an apologetic smile and checks his phone.

River smiles. "Oh, Alexis is inviting to us to a movie marathon in her room with Assassin Cody, Assassin Samantha, and Assassin Drake. It sounds fun."

"Um, I actually wanted to spend some alone time with you..."

"Nonsense. They're your friends, right? I wanna get to know them. What better way than by a movie marathon?"

I smile nervously. "Yes and that's very sweet of you. But-"

"Come on, my queen. Please?" He pouts. "For me?"

Oh..it can't be too bad, Blair. Do it for River!

"Okay." I sigh. "Just for a little while."

River grins and gives me a quick hug. "Thank you, my queen."

"Yeah, yeah. Let's get going." I roll my eyes and we continue towards Alexis' room.

"So is there anything I should know about your friends?"

"Oh, yeah." I chuckle. "Drake is a foodie, Sam is a sarcasm addict, and Cody is an idiot."

River laughs and I smile, staring at his dimples. I've never noticed them before.

I'm really gonna miss him... No! Stop thinking like that. You're not going anywhere anytime soon.

"Okay." River takes a deep breath, catching my attention. "I'm ready for the craziness."

I chuckle and open the door, only to be pulled in and thrown on a chair.

"What the hell?"

"Sorry it had to come to this, BA." Sam says and I furrow my eyebrows. River walks in and stares at me in confusion.

"What's happening?" River questions, looking at Alexis.

Alexis crosses her arms and narrows her eyes at me. "Your wife is hiding something, River."

"Yeah, and we want to know what." Cody adds.

Sam eyes me. "We're worried about you, BA."

They look towards Drake expectantly as he eats some Nutella.

"This is really good. It tastes fresher than the last four." Drake mutters and Sam face palms.

Alexis glares at him. "Drake!"

"Hm? Oh, right." Drake smiles at me. "We love you and as your food supplier, I'm obligated to know how you are."

"What are you guys talking about? She's not hiding anything!" River exclaims and I gulp.

Alexis quirks an eyebrow at me. "Oh, yeah? Is he right, Blair?"

River turns to me and I bite my lip.

"Come on, tell them it's not true. Defend yourself." River urges me and I feel my chest constrict.

"I..."

Sam stares at me with concern, Cody furrows his eyebrows in curiosity, Alexis taps her foot impatiently, and Drake eats his Nutella in anticipation.

"Blair." Alexis says softly. "Look at me. Look at us. This is your husband and we're your best friends. You can trust us. We won't judge you. I promise."

"We promise." Sam corrects and they nod. I open my mouth but no words come out.

"I can't. It's too much." I whisper and River crouches down. His eyes bore into mine and his hand intertwines our fingers.

River speaks with extreme softness. "Tell us. We're here for you. I'm here for you. I'll be beside you through anything. You're my wife. You're my life. Let me help you... Please."

I stare at him for a moment.

I squeeze his hand.

I look at my friends.

I remember all of our memories.

I take a deep breath.

I use all of my strength.

I clear my throat.

I blink.

I breathe.

And I speak what's hiding inside my heart.

"I'm dying."