《1984》Chpt. 25
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"Marcy?" Lance called, "You'll be cleaning alone, tonight. Poor Sai here looks like a goddamn train wreck. I'm sorry, I hope you can manage."
Just like that, Marcy took off for work.
Calm as can be, Lance walked me to the bathroom. We walked through the guest room just as we had many times before. From where I was, I didn't feel any ill intent.
He's...smiling. He's genuinely smiling..
Suddenly, a wave of panic ran through me. I began to question why he was smiling.
Is he about to do something!?
Is he going to punish me!??
You never knew with him. He was so fast to turn. Often, I wondered if that was how he normally acted around people.
If it were, though, I would have to wonder how he could afford to stay in this nicely furnished, big house. Maybe he was born into lot of money. Maybe he had some sort of job he could work from home? I never actually heard with my own ears if he ever left or entered the house.
It's funny, really...
He knows a lot of about me, yet, I know next to nothing about him...
When we entered the bathroom, Lance stopped and looked over at me, all smiles.
"Do you need help getting in the tub?" he sweetly asked.
Looking down as I always did, I shook my head, waiting in silence for my release.
"Alright~." he said in a sing songy voice. "Can't say I didn't offer."
With that, he let me go.
He just kept standing there. It was as if he had lost control of his body for a few seconds, just staring at me with those empty eyes of his.
Though I really did want to wash up and eat, the awkward, agonizing pain kept me in place. I didn't know if he was just thinking, or expecting something. My mind went through thousands of questions in what was probably only a few seconds.
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Finally, I couldn't take the silence anymore. I just wanted to feed.
"..Is there something I can do for you, Sir?" I mumbled, hoping I wasn't pressing him too directly.
Lance blinked a few times, taken out of whatever trance he was in. "No. Can't I just look at you? I'll bring back new clothes and food. Go ahead and start."
With a peculiar haste, Lance spun around and rushed out of the room.
Alone at last, I drew in a breath and let it out with a huff. Washing was the only time I was truly alone at Lance's house. I always cherished those few moments with no one around but me, myself, and I. Even when I was young I didn't ever mind it.
At the end of the enlightenment era, my family had enough of my endeavors with women. We almost got caught with 1 or 2. So to save my family's reputation, I was banned to see anyone besides family and servants.
It was truly terrible. I never cared to go outside. I played no instruments nor any sports. I never could just sit and read a book. My mind always got the better of me. By then, all my siblings were married off and lived elsewhere (not that they'd spared me any time anyhow). My parents where always "too busy" to even lay eyes on me. What about Edmund? Well, Edmund was always more like a shadow to me than a friend.
For 5 years, I locked myself away in my room. I didn't see anyone by choice. I literally just slept in my bed for days until I woke myself, ravenous.
When family visited, I was forced to eat at least one supper with them. It was a terror for even Edmund to drag me out of bed and dress me. I screamed and cursed and slapped him away until his will overpowered mine. For even the strongest of men, my natural strength would've been fatal.
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-I had been awake for a few hours. When I woke up, I scampered down to the kitchen to drink some stored blood. Then, as quietly as a mouse, I rushed back to my room without anyone having seen me.
I couldn't- didn't want to go back to sleep. No, I wanted to go into town. I wanted to be engulfed in people. Even if people were stinky, disgusting, and overall despicable creatures, I still wanted to see them. I was desperate to see anything besides the walls that confined me.
Standing at the window that peered out onto the long driveway, I watched the woodland birds fly around at the tops of the trees. They reminded me of how imprisoned I was, yet again. Even the spruce trees. Rooted to the ground though they were, were still free in their own way.
Buried in my own silence, I heard footsteps approaching. The only people who would ever enter my room were maids or Edmund. There was only 1 set of footsteps, so I already knew exactly who it was. Had an idea of what he wanted, too.
As per usual, he barged right in without even knocking. I let out a frustrated sigh and glossed my eyes over to him, acknowledging his presence, then looked back out the window.
"Vigil...you're awake." he said, almost asking why.
"..Yeah." I mumbled back.
"I... I just got word that your brother is here. He brought your new nephew!" he forced.
"Mm."
"..We'd better get you ready."
I shot my furious eyes over to him, utterly fed up with this facade I must show my family. "You know I'll just sit there at that dinner table. You know I'll do everything in my power to flee to this room. You know my family, not even deep down inside, doesn't care about me.
"If someone tries talking to me, I'll just politely reply without any of my character. I'll say as little as possible so I can just get through it all. Even so, they will say: 'Oh, how he's changed!! Such a polite, young gentleman, now~ !!!!'
"Deep down, I haven't changed at all. I never will. I want to see people. I want to converse. I want to drink blood from a dead body of my own. I want to walk these halls with the same, prideful stride I had so many months ago!!
"No. I don't want to spend any time with my family because all I am to them is a name. A monster!!! They despise me! Edmund, I'm not welcomed here!!! I never was!!"
Edmund didn't know how to respond. He'd never seen me so distressed. He'd never seen me be a victim.
"....I'm sorry." Edmund finally whispered. "I admit, the halls without you have been quiet. It's as if something died in here. I hope you can find yourself again and come out of your hiding. Truly, Vigil-."
"-Don't bet on it." I snapped.
Suddenly, it was as if I had used up all my energy. I took a seat on the trunk at the end of my bed and put my head down.
"I'm suddenly weak. I'll fight you next time. Do what you will with me."-
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