mentioned how much I love your car?"

Lucifer turned to look at Benjamin, who was resting his injured head back with his eyes closed, hands coming in contact with his thigh along the beat of the rock song playing from the radio. Despite the bruises and stitches on his face, he looked free and like he was truly enjoying this momentary peace, although it wasn't calm by any means. But, in Benjamin's books, rock music and cruising down the streets in a badass car counted as peaceful — it was his very own paradise. And that was evident, as his face was painted with serenity and his lips were twitching upwards in a smile. It made Lucifer do the same — frankly, he found Benjamin quite the sight to behold.

"I don't think so", Lucifer then replied, clearing his throat as he turned back to the road, not wishing for Benjamin to suffer through yet another accident. "However, I do like hearing about it. This Corvette is a bloody beauty, that's for certain. Your car isn't too bad either, though", his hands gripped the wheel tightly as he lowered the volume of the music, which earned Benjamin's attention, but despite the disapproving look he sent over to Lucifer, he did acknowledge that talking would be much easier without any guitar solos to drown their words.

Before Benjamin could respond anything — even though he did agree, his precious Camaro was his most valuable treasure — he stared at Lucifer and the nervous manner he was shuffling with. There was something off about him, which he tried to hide with his usual, crooked grins and sarcastic comments, but Benjamin could tell there was something on his mind. It was easy to see — perhaps because he had done the same thing for so long, pretended to be fine when in reality there was a heavy anvil of darkness weighing down on his fragile heart.

"You quite sure you don't want me to come with?", Lucifer then questioned, suddenly turning to look at Benjamin, and without even realizing he had reacted to abruptly, the man looked away to avoid eye contact. He didn't know what that was all about, but somehow merely the idea of staring into the tempting abyss of Lucifer's eyes caused his heart to run like a wild horse, and he wasn't sure what would happen if he actually faced the man. He could adore him from afar, when he wasn't looking, but now, he found himself nervously fiddling with the hem of his flannel and looking down.

"Pretty sure it's not an open session", Benjamin commented jokingly, and nodding, Lucifer inhaled deeply before resting back in his seat. Once he had turned back to the road, Benji lifted his gaze, and unable to hold back anymore, he popped the question that had been dancing around on the tip of his tongue for a while now. "Are you okay?", he wondered, and surprised by this, Lucifer glanced at him again — however, Benji didn't have the time to look away, instead he remained paralyzed in his seat. "I mean, is everything okay?"

Chuckling, Lucifer broke into a smile that wasn't amused at all. "Well, since I never lie, I suppose you shall hear the truth. You deserve to hear the truth. I believe there are divine powers trying to kill Chloe. Possibly you, too", he explained, and eyes widening, Benjamin couldn't help but stare. A part of him wanted to be scared, but an even bigger part was unable to believe what he was saying and it caused the amused smile on his lips.

"Um, why me? Why Chloe? So, you're not okay. Wait— is this.. right, the Devil thing", Benjamin tried to put the pieces together, and eyebrows knitting together, Lucifer turned to face him briefly.

"You don't believe me? I told you, I never lie. But, if you don't believe me, then the reason is far too complex for you to understand. Nevertheless, I would truly like to keep the detective safe. And you, of course", Lucifer gestured towards Benji with his hand, and frankly, his words warmed Ben's heart and filled his stomach with anxious butterflies.

With a nod, Benjamin turned to look at the road once again and tried to hide a smile. "Aren't you a real Prince Charming", he teased, before adding, "and I don't necessarily not believe you either. I guess it's just human to doubt something without evidence. Not that you'd know", nudging Lucifer slightly with his elbow.

Smiling, Lucifer let his tongue sweep over his bottom lip before he continued. "I suppose you're right. I'm afraid I won't show you any evidence, though", he shrugged, as he rolled the car around and parked on the side of the street, his shiny shoe stepping on the brakes before he turned back to Benjamin, who lifted a curious eyebrow in return.

"Why not?"

His question caused Lucifer's smile to fade away. Why wouldn't he prove his devilish nature to Benjamin? Why not show him his true face? They were friends, were they not? But, even if that was the truth, Lucifer wasn't sure why — somehow, the thought of showing Benjamin felt like the wrong thing to do. Like a risk. Something scary.

But instead of admitting that, he simply flashed a smile. "Because we have arrived. When you go in, just look at the name plates, and you'll find the right floor and room", Lucifer gestured towards the large building beside them, and nodding in agreement, Benjamin gave up and stepped out of the car. As he shot a grateful look to Lucifer, the Devil continued softly with, "Benjamin, be careful", his expression dead-serious.

"You too", Benji smiled, "you know, fighting those divine powers. I'd very much like you to stay safe, too", and in response, Lucifer promised to do so.

With that, he then drove away, leaving behind Benjamin — a smile on his lips, despite the pain that continued to roll through his bruised body. And as for the emotional struggles, he was going to get some relief on that department.

He was going to see Dr. Linda Martin, after all.

As Benjamin strode into the large building and checked for the right floor before going up the stairs — he hated elevators — he had to admit that he was feeling slightly nervous. He wasn't good when it came to opening up about his feelings and getting all teary-eyed and emotional. Open about his sexuality, open about his sleeping schedule, open about his fears and passions — sure. But feelings? He was more the type to avoid all that, and that was also why he was yet to experience a steady, long relationship — he was used to partying, one night stands, wild and reckless behavior, but actually sitting down and pouring his heart out wasn't something he loved to. It wasn't impossible, but it was unpleasant.

Which was why his heart began to race when he finally reached the right door, but despite the desire to back out of the session he had booked whilst in the hospital, Benji bravely knocked on the door and put on his prettiest smile when Linda eventually answered.

"Benjamin", she greeted him with an equally wide smile, "come on in", her hand gesturing into the room as she stepped aside, and nodding gratefully at the therapist, he walked through the doorway and eyed the room curiously. It looked cozy, and much like Linda was encouraging him to do, Benjamin wished to just throw himself onto the couch and relax. However, keeping in mind that he had just gotten out of the hospital and was yet to heal perfectly, the man gently sat down and bit down on his lip when the aching threatened to settle in.

"You're looking surprisingly good, you know, considering. I'm glad", Linda nodded as Benji painfully shrugged off his leather jacket and offered another nod as a response.

"Luckily— well, or not, it seems that my mental health got the most damage. A cracked rib, a concussion... I'll heal, but I think that with the hit that my heart got, I'm gonna need some help. Which is, you know, why I called. Thank you for making an appointment with such a short notice, by the way", he rambled, lifting his hand gently before crossing his muscular arms over his chest and letting a somber sigh slip from between his soft lips.

Nodding so carefully it was almost impossible to notice, Linda radiated with sympathy. "Why don't you tell me what exactly happened?", she suggested with her soft voice filling the room with kindness and warmth.

Benjamin wasn't sure where to begin. But instead of overthinking it, the words just began to flood out of his mouth, and perhaps that was okay — he wasn't trying to hold back or filter what he said. Instead, he let all the emotion break free, and that was what Linda had aimed for.

"I've never felt like I fit in. I've always felt like the odd one out, especially with my family. I guess, it's because Dan is this perfect son and I'm... not. I used to think it's because I'm gay, but I've grown to embrace that part about me, and it's not something I struggle with. But turns out, the reason I never fit in, is because my father, isn't really my father. He's just the man I called dad — the man that never called me son", he shook his head, frustration rising to the surface as he ranted. Although he wasn't a big fan of showing it, he was an emotional person, packed with ability to feel with his whole soul. It was merely a quality he showed to very few.

As a heavy sigh filled the silence that Benjamin allowed to land in the room, he leaned forward and rested his face against his soft palms whilst forcing himself to ignore the stirring pain around his stitches. "I'm the family disappointment. The boy who ran away. The failure who doesn't have a—a family of his own or a successful career or clear goals in life. I'm a mess, and now that I know I'm the product of infidelity, I feel like that's all I will ever be", he shook his head, the words a mumble against his own skin, coated with beams of cold sweat.

Luckily, Linda had exactly what he had come there for — advice, encouragement, words of reassurance and hope.

"Never let someone else's actions define you, Benjamin. There is never just one side to us. And we cannot all be the same. You can't be your brother. You are your own person, you are the main character of your own story and only you get to decide how it moves along. And it's important to never judge an unfinished project. You call yourself a mess, but I don't believe that's all you will be. You can be a friend, a brother, a lover, a fighter, a hero — anything you want to be", Dr. Martin explained, a compassionate but stern look in her eyes as she firmly nodded at Benjamin, whose own eyes lit up at her supportive words. "Have you thought about talking to someone? About how you feel?", Linda then added, and chuckling, Benji shook his head.

"As much as I love Dan, since he is my brother after all, I don't think he can relate. He's this legend, a hero, and he sets the bar quite high. He means well, and if I talked to him about this, he would no doubt swear his undying support and love to me, but he doesn't really understand", Benjamin explained, and at this, Linda's smile turned from sweet and kind to something a little more mischievous.

"I understand. But, I didn't mean Dan, necessarily. Perhaps, someone who can relate to your experiences and feelings? Someone that you could truly connect with?", the therapist wondered, and lips parting, Benjamin merely stared at the woman.

And for a moment, he was lost and unsure what to think, but eventually, a familiar smirk forced its way into his head. Of course — who could relate to having daddy issues more than the Devil himself?

»»»

❤️