lie

/lʌɪ/

Noun

(of a person or animal) be in or assume a horizontal or resting position on a supporting surface.

My eyes fluttered open, but then they closed back again. And then they opened allowing streams of light enter. I lay there quietly, keeping my eyes closed, matching my breaths to the beeping of the machines that surrounded the bed, the only indications of my heartbeat, my existence.

Looking around I noticed I was in a private room. My family could never afford to go private. The huge open windows revealing the entire cry view. The beautiful skyscrapers. In front of me was two leather chairs and a table between them holding a remote and magazines. Looking up I see a plasma T.V and a bathroom on the other side of me. The walls were covered with delight fur pictures.

The door slides open and I see Blake walk inside. Oh my god. If he was here it means- he knows. He stood on the opposite side of the bed, his arms resting on the stable bed. "How long Amira?"

"What?"

"How long were you going to keep it from me?" He says, I gulp and take a deep breath in as I look besides me seeing an I.V drip. "Amira answer me." He said calmly but I felt the anger erupting form his voice slightly.

"I was going to tell you."

"When! When were you going to tell me you have cancer?" He blurted out, his hands rushed into his hair as he took a deep breath.

"Today, I was meant to tell you at school then you had to go so I thought I would tell you when we had the chance. I promise every time I tried telling you, we were always interrupted." I excused myself, I had chance but never took them.

"That so called friend of yours, was you? Wasn't it?" He was referring to the time I asked him about what he would feel if someone hid cancer away from him. I notice the betrayal in his eyes, I couldn't look in them for the first time In ages.

"Yes, but I was going to tell you..I needed time...It's not something I can just blurt out."

"Amira, cancer isn't a fucking joke...did you not think I deserved to know?" I threw the covers of my body, I tried standing up but decided to sit down for a while. He had a point. He did deserve to know from the very beginning to see what he was entering. "The times where you talked about death, stars, butterflies, the skies...you were..why would you do that?"

"I was going to tell you Blake, I was I promise I- something held me back...I felt myself with you..I felt happy again." Blake takes another breath and I feel tears pricking my eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for keeping this from you..."

"I don't even know what to say."

"Blake-"

"Amira...I need some space to think.."

"Don't leave me Blake, I need you now..more than ever..." I whispered as I slowly stood up from the bed as my bare feet collided with the ground. Blake grabs his leather jacket from the chair behind him and looks at me for a minute.

"I'm sorry Amira, just..I can't do this..I need to think." He walks towards the door and I rush towards him only to be pulled back by wires. Ripping them of my body, I run out of the door and see Blake disappearing. "BLAKE!" I notice the nurses running behind me.

"BLAKE, DON'T LEAVE ME! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME.." I shouted loudly, my bare foot lifted from the ground as I hear my parents and Belle shouting my name from behind me. I tried running but struggled slightly.

"Blake! W-we can sort something out..." I see him exiting and followed behind him, he pulls on his helmet over his head and switches his gear on. I run towards him, my bare feet touching the nature of the ground as I hold onto the handles touching Blakes hands. "Please Blake, right now I need you to be next to me...please don't leave we can talk properly and we can talk things over from the beginning and we can-we can-"

"I'm sorry princess, I need space..." I held onto his cheeks shaking my head fearing to let go.

"I-I...don't leave..please...not you as well..you promised you wouldn't hurt me...I thought you kept your promises" I muttered, my eyes glimmered with tears as they fell onto my dress slowing theirs to be a dark stain. I watch as he begins driving away. I knew it. I fucking knew it. Nobody wants someone who has cancer and multiple chances of dying. Nobody wants someone weak.

"Amira-" I hear Belles voice, I push past her and my sibling along with my parents. I walk towards the bedroom and lock the door. The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down my face. I feel the muscles of my chin tremble like a small child and I look toward the window, as if the light could soothe me.

There is static in my head once more, the side effect of this constant fear, constant stress I live with. I hear my own sounds, like a distressed child, raw from the inside. It takes something out of me I didn't know I had left to give.

My walls, the walls that hold me up, make me strong just... collapse. Moment by moment, they fall. Salty drops fall from my chin, drenching my shirt. Perhaps these tears will help wash the blood out.

I press my head against the wall... baby blue, so innocent... I am anything but innocent. I'm trembling. I can't-can't stop. Even as I press my hand against the wall it shakes, it trembles. It's raw, everything, raw tears, raw emotions.

Why me? Why do I have to have it? Why not my brothers? Why not my sisters? Why is everything shit for me?

This was a true event 😭 I cried while writing this.