alive

/əˈlʌɪv/

adjective

(of a person, animal, or plant) living, not dead

{Four Months Later}

My hands grazed the softness of the pillow as my alarm beeped loudly, I groaned pushing onto the pillow to try lift myself up only to fall back down. It was going to be my first day back in school to finish the finals since I have been studying from home.

The recovery of cancer hasn't been going well for me, I finally had the strength to pull myself out of bed and walked towards my bathroom. I stared at the view in front of me, it wasn't a good sight to see.

The dark circles under my eye from the late-night chemotherapy sessions, my used to be black colored hair is now dyed pinkish on the bottom but it made it look natural as it started from the roots. I might as well have fun of what's left of my hair.

I threw open my closet door and grabbed a black crop top along with a pair of high waisted black denim jeans and a pair of red, black and white Jordan 1s. I pull my black beanie over my head and throw my bag over my shoulder. Everybody left early since it was the first week without them checking up on me twenty-four seven. So, I just made my route to school. My headphones were plugged tightly into my ears as I listened and banged to old tunes.

I notice everyone looking or whispering towards my way, whilst others made out sexually near a tree. I walked down the campuses pathway ignoring the stares I received.

"She's back?"

"Woah, isn't she-?"

"Oh shit..."

I entered the school hallways, oh how I didn't miss this. My locker was right in the center. I dreaded the walk towards it, my hair flowing from behind my back. I enter my key inside since I forgot my code for it. It opens and I begin shoving a few unnecessary items inside.

"Amira? You-you're back?" I turned my face seeing Maria, I promised my parent I would distance myself from every single one of them so I wouldn't have to move schools.

"Hey Maria." I give her a tight-lipped smile as she analyses my new look, I nod my head and shut my locker before walking to my first class. The talk of my arrival after disappearing for a few months was everywhere. I sit in the back of my English literature class already noticing someone there.

"Jordan, get the fuck out of my seat." Jordans head rises and looks at me, he rolls his eyes and shuffles to the other side as I settle my things down and sit.

"Well, look who rose from the dead...looking hotter than ever."

"Look who still hasn't given up with his pickup lines, still shitter than ever." He chuckles and nudges me slowly; I smile shaking my head as I take out my Shakespeare book.

"Damn princess-"

"Don't call me that...my name is Amira." I muttered; the flashbacks of his streaming blue eyes reverse into my mind. Just as I was forgetting about the one and only man who seems to have dug himself a deep memory into my head.

No matter how hard I tried during the months of, his eyes. His fucking eyes would always bring me back to reality. Though he hurt me. He hurt me so bad, I let the anger out on myself and nearly passed away. I never blamed my suicide on anyone but myself.

Blake never caused it but he had a part, I was alone...afraid when Keira left my side and I didn't need him leaving me as well. I guess I relied too much on a guy I forgot how to trust myself. So, I took these months for recovery, recovery for my heart, soul and body.

My hands graze the pages of the book as memories of me and Blakes little jokes corrupt my mind. The door slams open and everyone looks up including myself.

He stood there. He stood there looking so weak, so rough. The light in his eyes has dispersed, he wore a leather jacket, shirt and jeans with combats. His hair was messed up, as if it hasn't been taken care of for days. The eye bags circled his eyes defining the color.

Then they linked with my own, I felt a sense of relief wash over me as I finally see him. After so long my heart felt relaxed, I see his mouth opening for breath. I immediately turned my gaze away from him and turned it to the pencil in my fingers.

"Blake, take a seat please." Blake didn't move, his nitty and humorous side was no longer there as he just nods his head to the teacher and sits down at the front. I don't know why I felt guilty, for reason that I knew was not my fault. Though the tinge in my heart wouldn't leave, as if with one look at his face it mended yet broke at the same time.

"The course of true love never did run smooth; thou the mistake be made the forgiveness is given."Just as she repeated the line again my eyes never left Blakes, I knew the quote the teacher read out was meant for me but I'm not yet in the forgiving stage...I gazed up seeing his blue eyes staring into my own.

He looked tired, but why should I care? Why do I care? Why is there this feeling of guilt nudging beneath me. I shook my head to remove the bad feelings.

"AMIRA! HOLD ON!" I hear a deep echoing voice outside the school, I clutched onto my bag and stopped moving. I never turned around to face him to know he wasn't close to me. He was probably a few meters away. "Amira please look at me..."

"I need to go."

"Amira please just listen, I know-"

"No. Enough Blake. This is it. Leave me alone." I say pretending to act so strong whilst saying the word's that left my mouth. In reality I was breaking. After everything he has done to me, leaving me when I needed him the most. Wasn't that what a boyfriend should do? Was it my fault for keeping it from him, he did have a right to be partially angry but so did I.

At the end of the day were we both in the wrong?

"Princess, listen-"

"Fuck of Blake, she doesn't need to hear anything from you." I hear Jordans voice from behind me. I notice Blake fix his posture before Jordan throws an arm over my shoulder confusing me.

"Remove your fucking hand Jordan, I'm not joking." Blake growled moving closer towards us, Jordan removes his arms and steps in front of me as if trying to protect me from a big bad wolf when in reality he was the little piggy.

"Oh fuck this." I whispered walking away from them both without sparing a single glance, I noticed Bella waiting for me by her car at the front gate of the school. I smiled walking towards her before she embraces me in tight hug. "Hey stranger." She says finally pulling me away from a strangled hug.

"Okay, so we have a pretty boy walking towards us." She said, I turned to see Jordan walking towards me. Rolling my eyes I step away from Bella towards Jordan, he gave me a shocking smile as he leans against the tree. "Jordan what do you want?"

"A date."

"A date?"

"Yes parrot, a date. Come on.." He nudges me shoulder with one of his hands as I sucked my lips between my teeth. After deep thinking who would it harm, certainly not me. "Fine, tomorrow at six. You can find out where I live."

"See you then parrot."