Ryn's pov

2 months later

Moms dying. I'm crying. And Ava's lying. Funny. My life is just not at the point I want it to be at. Ava and I were sitting at home speechless. She feels like she can't talk to me about Sam. She can. I don't care anymore. They fell in love and I'm happy for them. Yes, a part of me still loves Sam and wants to be with him. But I wont let myself.

Nikki hasn't been coming as much as she used to. I hope that's a good thing. I hope she doesn't come back. I just don't get why she went away. I surely haven't overcome my depression and I haven't killed myself...obviously. I couldn't really care less. She was gone, so I was happy.

"Is Sam going to come over?" I asked. Ava bite her lip and shook her head.

"No." She stated.

"Why?" I groaned. She rubs her face with her hands. She was frustrated. So was I.

"Ava, I've told you this before. It's okay if Sam comes over, I don't love him." I explained. Ava stayed quiet for a moment and then laughed to herself quietly.

"Ryn, don't hide it. I saw how you two were. Even though you say you don't love him, I know you do-"

"Ava, that's enough! I don't love him and I don't want to! I'm the one that told him to go! I'm the one that said leave! I'm the one who broke us." I yelled, but as I got further into my explanation I got quieter. My heart was weak and I was breathing heavily.

"Ryn, calm down. I know all of this by know. You know what, every night before we went to bed, he'd tell me your stories. He'd tell me how much he loved you. Hell, I got jealous. I wanted that." My jaw clenched and I felt shivers run down my spine.

"Some things I don't need to know."

"You needed to know that Ryn!" She exclaimed. "He loves you-"

"Well now he has you! Your all he needs." Ava rolled her eyes.

"Fine, I'm done trying. If what to hear the cold truth, I'll tell you. He's said he loves me. He said he wanted to be with me and he said that he's over you." I acted like I was fine. I was the total opposite. My heart fell apart. My lungs gave out. And all my happiness slipped away. But I'm the reason for all of this. I'm the one who told him to leave. I don't even know how many times I've said this. Its all my fault. I'm the reason I'm broken, its not Sam's or Ava's. Its all on me. But even though I felt torn for the millionth time in my life, I smiled. It hurt so bad, but I forced it anyway.

"I'm glad."

"You're what?"

"I said I'm glad Ava! I'm glad Sam's moved on! You should be glad too, because I'm never like this! I'm never happy! So please, don't ruin it." I hollered. Ava sighed and nodded.

"Okay. I won't ruin it." Ava spoke. All of a sudden I heard the door open. I knew it couldn't be mom because she was too busy in that damn hospital room dying. There was only one other person it could be. Sam.

"Hey Ava- Ryn? I didn't know you'd be here." He sounded a bit shocked.

"Where else would I be, Mars?" I gave a sarcastic smile while Sam gave a sarcastic laugh.

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Funny." I rolled my eyes. We were acting like we hated each other. What happened? Do we hate each other?

"Sam, I told you not to come here." Ava interrupted. I flashed a look at her then I took my focus back to Sam. I sighed. Even though I was furious, I don't have to take it out on other people.

"I'm sorry Sam. I didn't mean to be a smart ass, forgive me?" Sam smiled. Then I remembered how he loved my endless sorrys.

"Forgiven." Sam said. He came to me and gave me a hug. I knew it meant nothing to him, but it reminded me of being in his arms. I had an urge to hug back, but I refused. Sam soon let go and gave me a disappointed look. He walked back over to Ava and pecked her lips.

"So how's your mom doing?" He asked her.

"Well, she's dying. Does that answer your question?!" I answered before Ava could even speak up.

"Ryn, you don't have to be such a bitch all the time! Your the one who told me to go-"

"Its not about that!" I shout. Sam and Ava looked upset and confused.

"Ava, do you mind if Sam and I speak alone?" Ava bite her lip and nodded.

"I'll be outside." She stepped outside and it was just Sam and me in the room.

"What was that all about?" Sam questioned. I ignored answering the question and got to my point.

"My mom is dying Sam. The only parent I really have left. She could literally die any day now. Do you realize that?" He remained quiet.

"So yeah, sorry if I'm being a bitch. But I also have a kid and I'm depressed as fuck. My heart is hurting. Literally. Every beat hurts my chest. I cry everyday. Ava will barley talk to me about anything because she thinks that I'm mad at her or something. Sam, I'm slowly breaking. And the day that I break, I'm praying to God that I won't break while I'm carrying Pre. Everyone I love is fading. And I'm soon going to have to face this dark world alone." Sam and I were both speechless. Sam put his face in his hands and began to cry.

"Please don't talk like that Ryn. I'm not fading and I won't fade. I still care about you and Heaven knows that I care about Pre. Just hang in there. Please." Sam cried. Each tear that went down his face made me weaker.

"It's easier said than done." I quoted. I spoke weakly, but sternly. Sam shaked his head making more tears fall from his face.

"You promised your mom." He stated. I did. I promised my mother that I would not commit suicide. But know I'm regretting all of my past mistakes. From promising my mother to making Sam leave.

"Have you ever broken a promise before?" I asked. He bite his lip, but soon nodded. All I wanted to do was end all the pain that my poor, barely beating heart was going through.

"Ryn, I want to help you get better-"

"You can't! The last time I saw you I tried to commit suicide! I felt like I was going insane!" I exclaimed.

"Remember that last time we were together I said, why don't you just kill me now." Sam nodded.

"I said that because seeing you with Ava at that time made me feel hurt, broken, torn, incomplete, ect. You see Sam, I'm not so strong anymore." Sams lips turned down. He was showing no emotion except his frown. We both remained silent for a moment, until Sam spoke.

"I'm sorry you feel this way." Sam said as he came toward me. When he was right in front of me I stepped back. I wasn't going to make Sam feel sorry for me again.

"There's something I need to tell you."

"And that is..." I trailed off.

"I'm still in love with you." Sam spoke looking at me right in the eye. My body froze. My heart beat slowed down. My stomach became weak. Here was Sam telling me he loves me once again. And here I was about to tell him no. Again.