Give me a warning

And we be talking

I'll be up 'til six in the morning

Might as well have my fun

~

Trigger warnings: panic, anxiety, worry, fear, sadness, mentions of abuse, language

~

Y/N was lying wide awake. Tomorrow she was supposed to go back. Back to her old life, back to the strip club, her tiny little room, the client's that would insult and beat her. She felt like she wanted to die. If she died now, at least she'd be happy.

She would have never thought she'd call herself happy again some day, but the last few days... they had been so nice. She had never felt this relaxed in years. She had never felt this safe in years. She had been pushing it to the back of her mind for so many months, but... Shouta made her happy.

And she wasn't sure whether she could call it that or not, but... she loved him. If she even knew what love was. It wasn't like she had had much of a chance to find out, not with how messed up her life had been all these years. But if it was anything like she imagined it to be - then she loved Shouta.

She turned around and looked at him. She couldn't sleep. She didn't want to sleep. She only had a few more hours left with him and she didn't want to waste any time. Not by sleeping, anyway. He was fast asleep, of course, but Y/N didn't mind. She was happy just lying here next to him and looking at him.

He looked so peaceful when he was asleep. Y/N wrapped a strand of his black hair around her finger. It felt so soft... She watched his chest rise and fall gently, tracing the scars on it with her index finger. She wondered where he had gotten all of those, but then again... he was a contract killer. It should have surprised her more if he had no scars at all. She wondered how he had even gotten into a job like that. Army maybe? Police? He seemed much more professional than someone who just became a contract killer for some drug lord or some gang.

"Go to sleep, Y/N..." she heard him mutter. She jumped when he had said it, because she thought he was fast asleep. She didn't move and just stared at him, until he finally opened his eyes and looked at her, before groaning and pulling her closer into him. Y/N sighed when she felt the warmth of his chest. It made it even harder to stay awake, because she was tired and for the first time wasn't afraid of having nightmares - but she also didn't want to waste all this time by sleeping.

She felt Shouta's hand come up to her face, his thumb running over her cheeks, as he gave her a sympathetic look, before leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to her forehead and then on her cheeks.

"Why are you crying?" he wanted to know. Y/N looked at him in surprise, but only then did she realize that he was right. She had been crying. And she hadn't even realized. What the hell was wrong with her?

"I... I don't know..." she muttered and that's when she really started sobbing, burying her head in his chest and just sobbing into it, while he held her, rubbing her back and kissing her head.

"Ssh, it's okay... it's okay... I'm here." he whispered. Y/N had no idea what had happened, but she was just crying and crying and she didn't even really know why. All she knew was that there was this vague sense of dread when she thought about having to leave Shouta. Having to leave the nice warm house, all the little luxuries she had had here, the amazing food, and most of all Shouta.

And for what? What was waiting for her back at the strip club? A small, dingy room that was cold as hell in the winter, a strictly regulated diet plan, beatings, getting berated by her boss... she knew she had gotten soft over this weekend and she really didn't know whether she could take it anymore.

"I don't wanna leave..." Y/N whimpered, shaking in Shouta's arms, as she was still sobbing and bawling her eyes out. This wasn't how she imagined to spend her last few hours with him. But she couldn't help it. She just kept sobbing into his chest, not able to stop herself from crying.

"It's okay, Y/N, it's okay. I don't want you to leave either, but... well, they're tracking you. They'll know exactly where you are. I'll come to see you soon again, okay? As soon as I can, I promise." Shouta mumbled into her hair. Y/N nodded slowly, clinging to him still. She knew... she fucking knew that she couldn't just run away. That they all had ways of finding her...

But maybe running away was the only way to be happy for at least a while. Until they found her and finally sold her. More sobs started wracking her body as she thought about the constant danger of being sold off to some sadist who'd enjoy torturing and killing her brutally. She didn't want to believe it at first, but it happened more often than she would have liked to think about.

And someone like her would most likely end up like that. She'd end up dying. She just hoped that whoever bought her to kill her would make it quick, so it would be over soon. The one thing she was afraid of was being tortured. Someone getting off on her pain and just putting her through more and more of it... that's what she was afraid of. If she had to die, she wanted it to be quick.

"I'm... I'm scared, Shou..." Y/N whimpered. He rubbed his eyes and sat up, pulling her into his lap, as she clutched her legs to her chest. She had her face buried in her arms, while Shouta was gently stroking her hair. Y/N loved how warm his skin felt against hers - comforting and warm.

"What are you scared of? You can tell me. What's going on?" he asked. His voice still sounded sleepy, but Y/N could hear that he was concerned about her from the way he was asking this, from the way he looked at her.

"I just... I never... I never wanted to be... like this. I'm scared... I never know when... w-when I'll make a m-mistake and get punished for it... I'm just... I'm just t-terrified every single day..." Y/N admitted as she curled up closer. She wanted to disappear. She wanted to disappear in herself.

"What are they doing to you?" Shouta asked quietly, as he kept holding her and carefully rocked her back and forth. Somehow the movement was very soothing to Y/N. It felt like she was somehow going back to being a child, being able to be vulnerable, being able to feel movement in her body.

"I-it depends... t-they beat us... or... don't give us food... or... or..." Y/N's breath hitched. The room. The room in the basement. She couldn't even say it, she was that terrified of it. She knew what was going on, she had seen the girls that were down there and had come back... they usually disappeared shortly after. No one really talked about it. No one really knew if they died down there from exhaustion or if they were so broken that they had to be sold...

"Ssh, it's okay. You don't need to say it if it's too much. Come on, I've got you. I've got you." Shouta said quietly. Y/N whimpered and wrapped her arms around his neck, clinging close to him, as she felt the panic rising inside her. She was so scared... So scared to make any sort of mistake and... and have to go down to the basement room. As long as Shouta was with her she felt safe, at least.

But he couldn't always be with her. And she knew that. She was very much aware of it - that Shouta couldn't always be there for her, that she wasn't always safe. That most of the time she wasn't safe, not even close to being safe. That she was always in danger of getting killed somehow.

"Please, Shouta, I... I want to stay with you for as long as... as I can... I need to... to feel safe a little longer... please... please..." she begged, her vision blurry from all the tears in her eyes.

"Okay, baby. Don't worry. I'll stay with you, okay? Do you want to do something? Something to distract you?" he asked. Y/N nodded, carefully wiping some of her tears away until Shouta took her hands into his and started gently kissing her face, kissing her tears away. Y/N felt her breathing calm down slowly.

"Are you okay? Not panicking anymore?" Shouta wanted to know, looking into her eyes. His gaze was so intense, Y/N felt like she was being hypnotized. She loved losing herself in his dark eyes.

"Y-yes. I think so. Thank you... thank you, Shou..." she replied and embraced him tightly again. She felt him smiling and pressing a kiss to her forehead, looking at her as if she was absolutely precious.

"It's all good. It just... fuck, it makes me so fucking angry that anyone would do that to you. You deserve so much better. You deserve to be treated right." he said. Y/N winced a little. She understood why he sounded angry, but her body reacted to the angry and frustrated tone in her voice. She had hoped that he wouldn't notice, but of course Shouta noticed it. He stroked her hair softly.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. Come on. Let's head into the living room. We can go and see a movie or have some coffee... anything you want, baby girl. Okay?" he asked.

Y/N nodded and took a deep breath. That sounded good. She was tired as hell, but she wanted to spend every single minute she had with him. She didn't care what they were doing. If he wanted to fuck her until she was sore, she wouldn't care, because she wanted to be with him, no matter what.

"Come on then. Let's go. I'll carry you, so hold on tight, Y/N." Shouta said, as he lifted her up from the bed and carried her through the dark house. Y/N was so tired, her eyes were burning and falling shut. Everything seemed to be slightly hazy, but she didn't want to fall asleep, she couldn't.

She could sleep when she was back at the club. At least the time would pass more quickly then. She didn't want to be awake and miserable. If she could sleep away all day at least she'd see Shouta again sooner. She wouldn't feel the pain from all her bruises. She wouldn't feel hungry all the time.

"You should really sleep, Y/N. You seem ridiculously tired." Shouta said again, as he set her down on the couch. She shook her head.

"I don't want to." she muttered. Shouta smiled a little and kissed the top of her head, before ruffling her hair.

"I know, I know. You want me to make you some coffee then?" he wanted to know. Y/N smiled groggily and nodded, before getting comfortable on the couch and wrapping the thin woollen blanket that was scrambled up on the couch around her legs. Shouta smiled and tugged her in.

"I'll make us some then. Just get comfortable, okay? I won't be long." he said and walked towards the kitchen, turning on the light. Y/N could watch him from the couch, so she sat up, resting her head on the back of the couch and looking at Shouta who started to boil some water, before cleaning the French press. For some reason he didn't like using the coffee machine if it was late at night.

She watched him put three teaspoons of ground coffee into the French press, before leaning against the kitchen counter and waiting for the water to finish boiling. All he was wearing was a pair of shorts and Y/N caught herself staring at the abs on his chest again, as he was standing around in the kitchen.

She really couldn't believe that this man didn't have a wife or a girlfriend or anything. It made no sense to her. This man had it all, how was he still alone? Maybe it was because he didn't enjoy going out. He was very much an introvert, at least from what Y/N had seen. But she was also glad that there was no one else. That way... well, that way she could at least pretend that he might see her as more than just a whore.

The water had finished boiling and Shouta was pouring the water into the French press carefully, topping it up, before putting on the lid and waiting for a while. He looked in her direction and Y/N saw him smiling and only then she realized that he had just caught her staring. She blushed but kept looking at him. Her brain was too tired to think of the possibility of just looking away.

She wasn't really sure if she was asleep or awake for the few minutes between Shouta catching her staring and him slowly pushing down the plunger on the French press, but she sat up when she noticed some movement. Shouta got two cups out of his cupboards and poured the coffee into them, before coming over to her and handing her one of the cups. Y/N held it up to her nose.

She took a deep breath in, finding herself completely engulfed by the rich and earthy aroma. It was like the smell alone was already waking her up a little bit, which was good. She turned around, careful not to spill anything, and took a careful sip from her cup. It was good. She couldn't taste much, because it was still too hot, but she could already tell that it was incredibly good.

"Like it?" Shouta wanted to know.

"Yeah. It smells amazing." Y/N replied and took another sip, this time able to taste more of it. She was right. It was fucking amazing. She should have known, after all, Shouta Aizawa was a coffee connoisseur.

"I'm glad you like it. You look like you can use it." he said, chuckling a little. Y/N laughed quietly. Yeah, she probably looked pretty bad - hair messy, tired as hell, eyes red and swollen from crying earlier. The coffee did make her feel better, she just hoped it would last long enough and wouldn't wear off too quickly.

"I can definitely use it. What time is it?" she asked, trying to make out the time from the clock hanging on the wall, but it was too dark. She had no chance of ever finding out unless she'd turn on the lights, but that would just destroy this weird dreamlike atmosphere. It almost felt as if all this wasn't real.

"It's 6." Shouta replied. Y/N blinked.

"In the morning?"

"Yes. Damn it. It's time to get you back soon, isn't it?" Shouta said. Y/N felt her heart beating faster again. Going back... She had forgotten about it ever since Shouta had carried her out of the bedroom... She felt her throat tightening up, just thinking about being blindfolded again made her feel sick.

"I don't wanna go back..." she managed to get out, but it was barely even a whisper. She felt Shouta's hand on her shoulder, gently massaging it. It helped a little, but she still felt some strange sense of doom.

"I know, I know. I wish I could just keep you here, Y/N. I wish I could just... I don't know. I want you to be mine." he said, pulling her a little closer. Y/N wondered how serious he was about that... but she didn't want to impose anything on him. She was wondering whether he might be willing to... to buy her. To Y/N that would be the ideal situation. But she didn't want to impose on him. She didn't want to make him spend that kind of money. Not on someone as completely fucked up as her. He deserved someone pure and young and beautiful. Someone who knew how to take care of themselves. Not a used up whore like her who was barely able to keep herself alive.

"I wish I could stay with you all the time, too. I trust you, Shouta. I need you, if I don't want to go completely insane." Y/N mumbled, feeling slightly hazy now. She was getting way too tired. But she could sleep on the way back into the city. And then she could wake up back in her small room, as if all of this was just some amazing dream and she was back to reality now.

"Y/N, if there... if there is any way..." Shouta replied. Y/N just shook her head groggily. Even if she told him... she'd never know whether he had that kind of money. She'd never know how much her boss would be asking or if he'd even consider selling her to Shouta. Plus... she wasn't supposed to talk about it. The only one making those kinds of offers to clients would be her boss.

"I... I don't know... we're not... we aren't allowed to say anything." Y/N replied, nuzzling against his neck. He nodded and slowly, absentmindedly stroked her hair. Y/N sighed in satisfaction. At least she had a few more hours to enjoy this - someone being gentle with her, holding her, making her feel safe. After all, any time could be the last time she'd have with him.

"Is there anything you want to do? Anything I can do for you?" Shouta wanted to know. Y/N felt how she was drifting off, dozing off into a state of being half-asleep. She blinked a few times, looking at Shouta through half-lidded eyes.

"Can you just hold me, please?"