Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby

As long as you're with me, you'll be just fine

Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby

Nothing's gonna take you from my side

~

Trigger warnings: trauma, flashbacks, mentions of abuse, violence, torture, panic attack

~

It was early in the morning when Y/N woke up. The days had gotten a little warmer again lately which was good, because the small cabin wasn't insulated very well. But at least Shouta was warm. Y/N loved cuddling up close to him when it was cold in their little cabin, especially while he was half-asleep.

She yawned and rolled over to see Shouta still asleep, his long black hair spread out over the pillow. She brushed a strand of hair out of his face and let her hand wander over a small scar on his arm. That was where the bullet had grazed him, the day he came to rescue her. It had taken Y/N a long time until she was able to talk about it at all. She still hadn't told him everything that had happened, mostly because she couldn't really remember everything. It all seemed disordered somehow.

But a while ago she had started talking to him. Telling him things that had happened, the ones she could remember. And he was telling her how he was looking for her, how he was barely functional at the time. Y/N felt a little bad about it, but she was almost glad to hear how scared he was. It made her feel like she hadn't been the only one that had been scared and panicked all the time, like she wasn't the only one suffering. It made her feel a little closer to Shouta.

Y/N moved closer to him, wanting to feel his warmth around her. She heard him groaning quietly, before he wrapped his arm around her and pulling her against his chest, pressing a sloppy kiss to her forehead. Y/N smiled. He wasn't really awake yet. She wrapped her arms around his neck and closed her eyes again, enjoying the feeling of his warmth against her body.

Living with Shouta was surprisingly calm and laid back. They had kind of fallen into a scheme of sharing household chores. At first Shouta was doing almost everything, because Y/N couldn't do much with her broken leg. And she had caught a nasty cold, so she was in bed with a fever almost the entire first week. But then they had kind of just started to share their chores.

It seemed funny to Y/N how it worked out almost automatically. And it also seemed funny how their relationship wasn't all passionate and fast-paced, but fairly quiet. Which was good in a way. It was consistent, it was gentle and it felt like it was stable. Not that Y/N was the greatest judge for that sort of thing. She never knew that loving someone could feel like this - quiet and peaceful.

But here she was, lying in Shouta's arms, alone with her thoughts while he was half-asleep. She looked down at her hands - her nails had grown back half-way. One or two of them were growing back weirdly, but if she was lucky they'd be normal again after cutting them once or twice. She sure hoped so.

Looking at her fingernails made her strangely aware of the burn scar on her thigh. She couldn't wait to go and get that covered up with a tattoo or something like that. For some reason seeing that scar bothered her terribly. It just kept reminding her of everything that happened and it was such a huge and permanent reminder. Sure, the smaller scars were permanent, too, but they were small and not that easy to see. This one was huge and couldn't just be explained away.

It had been a huge problem in the beginning when Y/N and Shouta had started having sex again (which took a long time already). Every time Y/N saw the mark or felt him touching it she'd go into a full panic attack. It had taken a long time to get over that. She still sometimes had panic attacks and she still felt uncomfortable every time she saw it, but it was getting better.

She still couldn't wait for it to finally be covered up. Sure, the tattoo would remind her of it, too, but it would also remind her of those quiet and peaceful days with Shouta. Of the time when she could just rest and heal and not worry about anything, except getting better. And that was a much better thought.

She felt Shouta move beside her, his leg brushing against the burn mark. Y/N could feel her heart beginning to race. Her fingertips were getting cold and she started having trouble breathing. There it was again. A panic attack almost out of nowhere. It hadn't happened in a while, but there were good and bad days.

She didn't want to wake Shouta, so she tried to move away from him a little, but that seemed to wake him up more. He opened his eyes and looked straight into Y/N's panicked eyes. He seemed to be worried immediately and that was what Y/N wanted to avoid. She didn't want to worry him - he had already done so much for her. She wished she was able to take care of herself, so he wouldn't have to worry about her and have to look after her, as if she was still a 15 year old girl.

But the reality was that in her head, she probably still was that 15 year old girl. She barely had any experience in the real world - all she knew were strip clubs, strangers' cars and violence, violence, violence. How the hell was she supposed to take care of herself? She never finished high school, and she never had a regular job in her life. She couldn't take care of herself and that was a fact.

"Y/N... panic attack?" Shouta asked her, pulling her close to him again. She just nodded quickly.

"It's fine. You're safe with me. Come on, try and breathe with me, okay? Deep and slow breaths. I know you can do it." he cooed, while rocking her back and forth. Y/N listened to what he said, focussing on the movement and taking deep and slow breaths, no matter how difficult it was.

And it was working. It didn't even take that long. Her breathing became normal again, because she forced herself to breathe normally and it slowed down her heartbeat at the same time. Shouta pressed a kiss to her forehead, stroking her hair gently. Y/N buried her head in his chest.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. I'm so sorry, Shou. I know, I should get over this already..." she mumbled.

"Ssh. Don't. You shouldn't get over this already. You can take all the time you need. There is nothing for you to be sorry for, okay? Now, try and go back to sleep, alright?" he whispered into her ear. Y/N took another deep breath and nodded, before closing her eyes again, hoping that she'd fall asleep engulfed by Shouta's warmth, hoping that maybe one day she'd be better.

She was definitely on the way there.