As the body slumped to the ground the limbs twitched seemingly unaware that they were now supposedly dead. So I choose to hit it again with my mace…and again.

*twitch*

You know what? I think I'll throw another one in for good measure.

*chirp chirp*

“Oh please say that’s not you” I curse to myself hitting the mangled bodice of the humanoid cockroach in the chest once more. And to my horror, its carapace finally caved in releasing an explosion of viscera as my mace burst into its insides. As it turns out screaming or opening your mouth, no matter how much you regret your choice, is a horrible decision to make in this scenario. I'm pretty certain I learnt that lesson the hard way.

After puking and wiping my face mace on the grass, I pulled a piece of carapace out of my hair and recollected myself.

Whilst I did this the little fluffy white rodent with large hind legs which the cockroach had spent all that time summoning hopped over to me. Intrigued by this new type of frog I’d never seen but wary of more yucky goop I backed off cautiously. As I stepped back it hopped again towards me. I was worried by this little critter because the fluffy fellow took his time coming into being. Either that ‘corpse’ over there used to be a powerful mage or he was incompetent to the point that his spell took long enough for you to have grown old, got married and had kids.

As I thought this the frog of potential doom and destruction changed the direction of his hop and suddenly started lapping up something from the ground. Relieved I was no longer its tar-

Wait a minute.

Its licking up my puke isn’t it.

It was indeed licking up her puke like it was drinking an aged wine.

Glaring daggers at this little shit that made me shake in my boots I took two steps forward and it raised its head. In contrast to its pristine white fur the frog had two black beady eyes either side of its nose.

Not that I cared.

I proceeded to kick the fucker into next week.

Its body impacted on a tree in the forest I had crept out of earlier and flopped to the ground. Infuriatingly the bugger managed to get back up and pounded on its large hind legs into a hole of a nearby tree.

Happy in the knowledge that some serpent or fox would get the best of the frog as it slept I calmed down a bit and looked towards my feet where there was an odd tingly feeling. Strangely enough there was a layer of frost where I had kicked the frog. Huh that’s weird. Now that I think about it do frogs have long ears like that one did or teeth for that matter? And frogs don’t usually have a belly like that? Was it pregnant? No… surely not… right?

*crash*

Hearing the sound behind me I whip out my mace innards and all, turning to face whatever threat this potentially demon frog poses. As I look to the burrow I saw it last and see something glitter in the evening air as it fell in a dust from a nearby tree. Suddenly from the entrance to the burrow a huge python encased in ice is thrown out colliding with the tree and shattering into bits leaving only a small icy mist to float to the forest floor.

A white blob exits from under the tree and grabs the largest bit of python bringing it back to the tree, back to its den. I watch as it brings in the pieces. Brings in all evidence of its atrocities in how it acquired such a fine hole-under-a-tree. And as it grabs the last piece of snake that isn’t serpent snow it gets up onto two legs and walks over to its new home, its little tongue licking away at half a snake head. Then it stops.

And it turns.

It is looking at me.

The dipshit who kicked it.

And waist deep in new found fear I just drop my mace and salute.

I stand there arm to my head and don’t dare breathe.

That is no frog.

It cocks it head to the side, deciding whether it would like some desert with snake stew. And fortunately it turns out it was on a diet and I was a bit more protein than it was after today. Shrugging it bounds it its hole and as it does I fall onto my ass panting for air.

“T-thank the gods…” I mutter to myself.

In an attempt to compose myself I choose to dub the scary-ass-fully-monster; “From now till the end of my days I shall refer to you as ‘Mr. Fluffy’ and I shall pray for your health, oh great one who is embraced by Cold!” I shout in the general direction of the tree it disappeared under. Absently I wonder if it’ll be awkward speaking in bold.

“OI YURA GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE AND HELP OUT” startled at first, I realised it’s the other members of my squad in the distance. Getting up, I clean what I can from my now rather filthy attire.

“I should have expected as much dealing with cockroaches. Its just fucking horrid.” I grumble as I make my way over.

For those curious, Mr. Fluffy is in fact a lady and one close to giving birth also.

She spent her night enjoy snake popsicles and wondered to herself quietly in her burrow.

“Where am I?”