Turned about is one of describing how I feel right now. Confused. Scared. Anxious. Sick. Hollow. Numb. Exhausted. It’s the night before the final operation that will determine our fate. And I don’t know how I am even still writing.

It has been a very, very trying few days. I have been cranking out so much writing! Looking back at it now, I could have and should have done it smarter. A good story based on insane events, turned sloppy, because this is real.

I can’t believe I’m writing this….

We’ve shared (possibly) our final night together. And the emotions are running high. Or maybe that’s just the way I see things. I really, really, really wish I had not been cursed with this ability to see things that are happening in the Realms of Imagination. I shared this thought with the agents, Conturbatio, Miles, and Brown, but they all said without me they would not have found out as soon as they did what was all going on with the Syndicate. I highly doubt that.

Maybe it’s just the depressed feelings speaking, but I am confident that it is the truth. Speaking of feelings, I think it’s good to incorporate this quick conversation.

“We should all get some sleep. Tomorrow is the big day,” the Sphinx told us all.

“Are we sure this will work,” I asked.

“It will, because we’ll make it work,” Trick said with a smirk.

“Can you ever be serious,” I demanded, getting upset.

“I am. Right now.” He got up and walked to the small refrigerator we had in the hotel room. Getting out a Coke, he said, “Ruben, you might have been able to look into our lives and write down our adventures, but you missed some really important stuff. Serious is not always about pulling a face and being single-minded. Rather, it is about determination.”

He got up close to me and opened the can. “I am determined to save my family and friends. I am determined to see my father again. I am determined to stop these people who had endangered the lives of so many others, people I like, and people I hate. People I know well, and people I don’t know at all. I am determined to do something noble, like my parents have always wanted me to do.”

He smiled as his mom and took a swig from his can. I was about to speak, but he held up a finger.

“But I still am who I am, Ruben. It’s not just because I am naturally goofy, but it also how I deal with the world. When I grew bored with school, I got into trouble, looking for adventure. When I found adventure, I got scared, so I found a way to laugh and joke. We could lose everything tomorrow, but I will not lose who I am.”

“You sound like a warrior trying to be a hero before you die in battle,” I said sullenly.

“And why not? Those guys and gals are cool! And I should know; I’m a D&D character.” He flashed me a wide grin before he took another sip.

Naomi sighed and said, “Look, Ruben, you and I have not been on good terms for most the time we’ve known each other. You are dumb when you shouldn’t be, lack social graces, and are a slave to your own anxieties.”

“Thank you Dr. Phil,” I retorted.

“But I can still understand you, to a degree. I don’t think anyone can fully understand another, no matter how similar they are. Because we are all unique individuals. But, I can agree that sometimes Trick’s attitude is too flippant and arrogant. But at least, he is genuine.

“But,” she continued. “I do also feel a little depressed. My mother is putting everything on the line to help us. I am astounded at what she has accomplished right under our enemy’s nose. And I am frightened about what could happen tomorrow. They have hunted us so well and with such power and purpose. I almost feel like we are walking into a trap. But we have to do it. I want to see this all to its end.”

“And so you’re a pragmatist.”

“I am myself, Ruben. A realist, a pragmatist, when I need to be, and also an optimist. Otherwise, I would have never gone along with any of this. Because I have hope that it will all work out. I went on the first Q Files case because like Trick I was bored, and I also wanted to see this idiot make an even bigger fool of himself.”

She reached out and took her boyfriend’s drink. “But we so

mehow succeeded, and it was incredible. And from that point on, I hoped for more. I acted responsible and tried to keep us firmly planted on Earth and in reality. But I wanted more adventures. I wanted to get to know Trick more. And I wanted to understand what was going on. And I hoped that it would happen, and when it did, I began hoping that it would all work out.

“And miraculously, it has.”

“Easy for you to say,” I grumbled. “You two have amazing powers and are used to these adventures by now.”

This time, it was Susan who spoke. “Ruben, you never get used to these things. I have spent my entire career with the FBI. I have raised a son while an agent. I have danced around relationships, and kept a healthy marriage all while doing dozens of sting operations and raids. I have also been a part of most of the crazy adventures that my son and Naomi have been on. Each time is either a dream or a nightmare.

“Sometimes you have control, and other times you do not. Even with all the training I have had, and with everything I know how to do, what is programmed deeply within me, I am at the mercy of so many other factors and fate during every case or operation. It is terrifying!

“But, what makes us who we are, people who can go through all of these adventures and come to where we are today, are those who have learned to deal with the uncertainty. It is okay to feel afraid. It is okay to feel unsure. But what is not okay is for you to throw up your hands and give up!”

“That was a terrible pep talk,” I replied.

“Everyone, Ruben is not looking for us to fix how he sees the situation, He needs to get off his chest how he feels,” Stacy Miles said. I only then realized how often I ever just referred to her as Miles, or Agent Miles. But there was something about the way she said that which made me realize more than ever before just how real she was. That she was her own person, and not just the lacky or sidekick to the Sphinx.

“I understand that,” Susan snapped. “But he still needs to hear what has to be done.”

“All he has to do is finish the story and make sure it is ready to upload tomorrow morning,” Naomi said pointedly.

I flushed. At this moment, I was still three chapters behind.

“He doesn’t have them done,” Naomi said, rolling her eyes before finishing Trick’s drink.

“Then let’s stop pestering him and let him get to work,” Stacy said, giving me an encouraging smile. “Ruben, some of us understand you, and some of us don’t. And that’s okay. All you need to know from us is that we are all counting on you.”

I opened my mouth to interject, but she cut me off, “Before you say that we are wrong to trust you, or say that you are not good enough, or say whatever else is bouncing around there in your head, think about this for just a moment: Not only were you able to see important things that I have helped us out in understanding better what we are dealing with, but you are right here, right now.

“You survived being hunted up until this point, and with no prior experience. Sure, you were guarded and guided by us, but you still did everything that you could. You went to the realms of Imagination and came back. You survived an assassination attempt. You were the one who got the information we needed to get here. And you have not given into your anxiety and fears!”

“Not yet,” I protested heatedly. “Look everyone, I appreciate this, I really do!”

“Then you might try showing it,” Naomi grumbled.

This time, it was Trick who slugged her in the arm.

“But I am not that kind of guy! I don’t even know why we are trusting the word of some random guy that I’ve only ever heard over a podcast! Where’s the logic in that? And if my ability was really all that helpful, couldn’t I have helped save others? Huh? What about everyone that you already saved who has gone missing? No, I’m a failure! And knowing that, I think you should all be a little more sympathetic to how I feel right now!”

I held up my hands and said, “Look, I’m not backing out of tomorrow. But I just feel like we are jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire.”

A gentle hand rested on my shoulder. It was Conturbatio.

“I think you need to calm down and get back to writing, because we are counting on you,” he said. “But let me say one last thing. All us agents are also responsible for those we have lost. And we do know defeat. I read what you wrote about the drama in Memmelsruhe, and that was not even close to the true terror we felt then. We lost good people. And somewhere out there is a monster that could destroy us all. It is only contained for now.

“That is enough to keep anyone awake at night! It is enough to eat anybody up from the inside and destroy their confidence in themselves. We are not exceptions to that rule.”

He now held both my shoulders and forced me to look at him. His breath smelled kinda bad.

“But we know what needs to be done. You know what needs to be done. With all of your anxiety, doubt, fear, and exhaustion, finish what you need to do. And in the morning, we end this. One way or another.”

And, so now here I am, finishing up everything as best as I can. My fingers ache from writing so much. And nothing had really changed in my way of thinking, even now. And to be all honest, I’m not sure how I am feeling, or what I am really thinking…

Mom, I don’t think you’ll ever read this, but I just wanted to say that I love you. Thanks for everything. Thanks for putting up with me!

Well… Here I am. Still one chapter short. And I have no idea what to write next.