"Hello everyone. I would like to introduce a fellow singer of the crowd, Ian Wilkins!"

Nope. I don't like those kind of shows and I don't like watching TV. TV's suck! No offense. I would rather stay cozy in dreamland.

"Just call it your inner world, will ya?"

Oh, shut up Bryan. You know I don't like weird sounding terms.

"Hmm. You might be right, actually."

Bryan's a dummy I named possibly for the main character for my next story. Basically, my internal monologue

"Don't call me a dummy, will ya? Just call me a character, but it still sounds awful. Whatever! Just call me Bryan, a main character.

Okay, sure, sure. I'll do that, Bryan the main character.

"You know; Twinsies won't like that."

It's fine. Don't wor—

"Hello? You know I can hear you guys right? I'm trying to sleep!"

"Oh sorry 'bout that, Twin. It's just that Mr. Writer here got you as a side character this time!"

What?! No, no. Of course not. What the heck. I mean. Bryan and you are going to be both main characters! So don't worry about it.

"Oh, thanks. . . . um, I mean, will you guys quiet down? . . . 'cause I wanna sleep. Thanks."

Oh, sure, sure.

I picked up a cup of "not coffee" which is a cup of tea, just so you know.

I went back to work, writing down the last chapter of a novel I started around two and a half weeks ago. It was bountifully congested. Thank goodness I recovered.

A few hours after I left my sci-fi parade for this year, Bryan came running, asking me what the story he and Twinsies was about "because he didn't like 'staying in' too long".

I told him it was about a girl by the age of 16, played by Twinsies, and her noir-clothed partner, played by Bryan.

They had begun to assimilate the rising power of Blink Twice, a very regal experimentalist. He said he was testing what it would be like if one man controlled the entirety of the world.

He had already gathered forces of many kinds, somehow applying whatever needed to convince the people that he was indeed worthy.

How can someone reach such levels without getting obstructed by the limit? Hitler's limit? Because he waited until the only voices that sounded were the youths that he brought to his side. He would harden himself to the young men's pride and take down the gossiping, manipulating liars to the young ladies' ambition. This was his cause.

Basically, no one stood against him because everyone was given the opportunity to stand for theirself through him, Blink Twice. They didn't need a name actually; for he was what they needed.

He never razed a town. He slowly brought them, the youths, to his side and waited until they were the only ones left to rule. To rule under him.

Twinsies and Bryan or Ashley and Kael, as their names were, in the story, were on the other side of the world opposite Blink Twice's first town.

They lived in a belittled country paved with splatters of blood after one attempt to colonize it.

What stopped them from getting colonized? Their position. They shy high in the mountains, never seen beyond the walls.

Ashley and Kael could not interpret what was going on out there. They were told they'd learn all about the world if they studied hard, but now that they'd graduated, they were left with vague answers.

They decided they wanted to leave the country, but the pain of having to see each other in prison did not inspire.

The country was not especially strict considering the people's civility when it came to everything except going out.

The world had lots to say, and they wanted to hear it.

Ashley was a meticulous little girl. She liked the sunshine, the sunset, and the occasional eclipses. She found the stars pretty too, but she wondered if the ground below told more stories than the one beyond the sky.

Kael was not happy. He was very much surprised. When he heard about Ashley's intense desire to "go out", he raged. Not the kind of rage that destroys. But the one that feels unable to protect.

He didn't believe the outside world was safe. Neither was going against their society's standards even going to work.

But he knew people weren't all that alert when it came to ideas like Ashley's.

He constructed a plan. No, not the kind that waits 'till a superhero comes and saves them. The kind that just waits for something to happen. The recent attack on their country was 3 years ago. The last one before that was 5. The chances of getting attacked was pretty high. So they decided to wait it out and escape once everyone's distracted and focused on the "stupid land-dwellers".

I didn't want to make this any longer for Ashley. I could tell she was wistful. Wistfully unsure as if we had already gone and escaped, regretting ever leaving home.

But I don't her to feel discouraged. So I hugged her one last time before going home, and that was the last time I saw her.

She disappeared one day, never to come back. I never came back either. I promised I would go out and look for her. I knew she was there, discovering all the world without him.

He was enthusiastic, but he had to find a way to get out somehow.

Ashley left a few clues on how she did it. I don't think she trusted me completely when I said I would help her escape.

She didn't realize that I had begun to desire the outside world during one of our meeting sessions. I loved her too, but I can't tell her that until I find her.

Ten years later and I arrived. Blink Twice had overrun the west and east continents. It felt like my arrival was too late, but I knew she was around here doing something great like she promised she'd do.

I didn't want her to see me like this, but she did. I was on my second battle call-out, doing the next scenes. She didn't recognize me. She n—

"Blink Twice said he can't go in without feeling like he looks like one of those power-hungry frauds. Excuse his delay."

The crowds screamed. They needed a hero, and they got one.

My name is Blink Twice. I know she'll see me, but she won't see me. And that's okay. This is all for her.

"Wow, it's something, ya know?"

I summarized the plot for you. Happy?

"Ya, it's cool. Cool."

I told him I needed a break. So he left, and I returned to my comfort zone.

The bed. Ahh. This is amazing!

Okay, that's enough. Time to sleep.

Ah, I had a dream. It was about the girl I liked a long time ago. She was very pretty.

No, she wasn't tall. She wasn't really that smart, but she was good at most subjects. It's not that that made me like her.

I don't know. She was really nice. She was kind. I liked that. I could feel it. The happiness I felt when I thought about her.

That wasn't the only thing I remembered.

Every time I remember it, I get anxious. I jump. I shake. I sweat. My heart rate speeds up. My head aches. My chest hurts. I can't think straight. I hear voices. My head gets loud. Lights feel so bright. Sounds get so loud. I blabber and mumble. I don't cry, but I cry because I feel like I haven't moved on. I don't want this anymore. I don't want to be scared.

I'm scared of being scared.

She was nice. She was really nice.

I was too weak, but that's not true.

Or is it? I don't know. I don't know.

I just want to be better.

Oh, what happened? It happened again. Seriously. Why.

I need my music. Uhh. Cold shower. And Water. I need to silent my mind.

I did whatever I needed to do, and felt better.

Just a quick fix and I can write again.

I need this pain. I'll use it. I'll use it to connect to those who are suffering.

I can't wish it to leave, but I do. I'm sorry.

I'll try my best.

Hahahaha. What am I thinking?

I visited a few stores on my way out of town. I need to refresh my mind. Too much stimulation is not good for me.

I'll just sit down. The rain is pouring anyway. A good time to let the wind breeze all around you.

It's nice. The trees. The clouds. I should really get a life.

"Thank you." I bought milk and a couple of apples to appease my self.

I miss my siblings. They should still be wherever they are. Let me check.

I messaged them on the net.

"Hey, it's me. I was wondering . . . . do you guys want to hang out or anything? We can play if you want."

My siblings turned the house, we moved into years ago, into a gaming one.

They practically based their whole career on gaming. It's amazing how easy it is to earn once you got your computer set up.

If you think we needed verbal training or anything like that, that's not exactly true. Our parents weren't that strict, so they let us express ourselves in most things incessantly.

I arrived on their doorstep a week after. Before I was able to open the door, my sister Aya looked through the window and whispered, "Wanna play?"

"Game!" I exclaimed, smiling irresistibly.

I opened up the game we've always played and will always play.

It was fun having my mind racing as I battled within me my anxiety and arrogance.

No joke. I would literally play the game because it challenges me mentally.

My younger brother, Ray, is pretty much a professional in this game. He challenged the strongest regions playing the game, reaching the top ranks countless times on too many accounts.

I'm not gonna lie. I was a hardcore gamer like he was, but I decided to go after what I really wanted.

My sisters also played the game. They both loved the support role since it was pretty much no pressure.

Our bonding was basically us playing the game, talking about many things, and arguing about small and serious things. As siblings, that was our play time. We learned a lot from each other.

The eldest one, Alice, always competed with Ray on everything, mainly in game. She went for either of the two roles that did the most in game.

Ray also focused on the roles, but focused on one, believing it had the highest control over the game.

I went back home feeling great. I told them I was moving out, so they won't see me any more.

It was fun living with them, but I'm also finding myself.

And I found this to be for the best.

Thank you for everything.

I'm going to move out in a couple of days. My story awaits.

All drama aside, I'm moving out because of personal desire.

My apartment is not in a place where I can go around easily and hang out with fans if ever I want. I'm lying; I won't hang out with them. I'll just go to conventions and the like and meet them there.

I was thinking if I should I write a rom-com, most of the rom-coms I read are set in a school.

School, huh? I remember when I dropped out school.

It was during the time I was growing especially anxious due to growing pressure despite my depression.

I was a top student, but it all fell short when the symptoms of an adjustment disorder started appearing in me. I was in my 2nd year of high school, and too many life events appeared at once, and it caught up to me.

My teacher, during that time, wasn't happy about this. He told me I was giving up and letting laziness get the better of me. I didn't know how to handle this since nobody saw the problem. They just thought I decided to go loko. It went downhill from there.

I finished high school and college not long after, and everything worked well to the point that I could rent a apartment.

And now, still trying, I've found a way to cope. I was able to deal the frustrations through writing, and it helped me extravagantly. Not saying that I didn't feel anxious at all, but it really got me going.

My next story will be based around my two actors, Evermore and Dreamer. They're especially contagious when it comes to laughter so they'll fit right in the rom-com genre.

Since most rom-coms are centered around cliches, I won't make this one cliche.

Let's try this. A boy enters a concert where he sees a beautiful singer letting out her growl, but she's not what catches his attention—what catches his attention is one of the backup vocalists. She differs from the rest in his eyes, but he still feel that much passion yet.

It was only until his friends invited him to the concerts of the same band again. This time, the backup vocalist he was interested in stared back at him! Again, he didn't think too much of it and went home.

On the third concert, she was practically staring at him throughout the concert as if he was the only one in the entire arena. He didn't know what to do. He's never flirted and had a girlfriend. What more when the person he likes is a singer of a famous band?

He doesn't know what to do and ends up standing up to leave. Feeling dejected from his lack of confidence and skill, he began to walk out.

But just before he leaves, she comes down the stage to look for him.

She finds him with his friends waiting at the side of the road. She gasps then quickly goes to him.

He looks at her in shock. "Ho—Wha, Miss, I like you."

He didn't know what to do and randomly said what he was thinking at the moment.

"Oh, that's good then, because I think I feel the same way?"

"Want to talk tomorrow or something? Do you have anyone waiting for you or anything?"

"No, no. Don't worry about them. I'll just tell them I'm not really in trouble or anything. I'll just add at the end: "P.S. It's him!"

We drank coffee. The coffee shop was comforting in the awkward atmosphere we were in.

I told my friends, "You know what's up. See you tomorrow." They all looked at me with eyes of shock and understanding.

"They can't be in a rom-com. Can't they?"

It was funny how awkward I thought our conversation was going to be. It ended up going well as if we had naturally good chemistry with each other. There might have been bias when I said that.

Oh, well!

Now, that's a great opening! I like that! No joke, I won't cry until something bad happens like it does in real life. We need action! Action!

"Oh, hi Allen."

My name's Allen. How did she know that! Oh wait, I said my full name like 5 times before she left. Needed to make sure! Hehe.

She asked me about my job, my family, and my well-being. I could tell she was taking this seriously.

I want to put in my best effort too. I asked her if she loves her job. She said she does.

I don't want to steal what she loves away. I told her my thoughts and she said it'll be fine if she doesn't go to concert all the time. "They're very patient with me."

I told her of my freelance job as a software engineer. "I create software for all kinds of things, especially robotics. It's a time-consuming job, but it's good that I'm not tied to a company."

I asked her if she wanted to post videos online of her singing. She didn't dislike the idea, but the day she got into the band was a happy day for her. Although she said that, she emphasized the fact that her dream has always been singing itself and not the band.

Maybe these stories are not for me. I feel more and more disconnected the closer she gets to him. My heart doesn't feel inclined to write this specific genre right now.

I should take up a few unspecific books before venturing into a fresh, original world. Closed-up minds won't help me create differentiated creations.

To speak blatantly, I hate undefined work: the stories that don't regain balance after the first few lines. I believe my most recent works indicate this. And let me just acknowledge the fact that I can write better than what I've written in the past. All I need is a few modifications to my writing.

"Harbor no guilt, harbor no shame, it is time for your name to rise again." This doesn't sound bad at all. I like it. I can use this for future connotations.

"Indecisiveness will bring about pain, pain will bring about acknowledgment, and, acknowledgement will bring about change." How about that? Not bad? Does it even mean what I want it to mean?

"You call them weak; then you call them strong. But please don't let them take all the wrong." Okay, that makes sense in my mind. It's of the hatred toward sociopaths and psychopaths, emphasizing their mental sickness.

"Feed the hungry, feed the poor, if so, you might realize your hunger too."

I like challenging my own thoughts by taking in ones that contradict it. It helps me disconnect from my ego momentarily to sort out what I believe is most suitable for my peace.

Leaving me alone wouldn't be nice, would it?

I climbed the wide stairs to the bookshelves. It was endearingly light having nothing but the rain outside the wet glass panes. The occasional thunder was heartwarming too.

I picked a spot to rest. Oh, look! A very regular-looking reader! Might as well ask what he could be reading.

Oh, he's reading a study book guide. Good luck to you chap!

I was very happy to hear the books silently whispering their intense plot line, waiting for me to choose some.

I finished reading after two books. I'll just read on a reader app for this evening.

I opened my music-streaming app on the laptop. I got my heavy metal, nu metal, and alternative metal play in the background. I had to search up what genres it was.

Sooner or later, I finished one book as it wasn't completed yet. I also switched to a more light music as I felt calmed down.

I might have not said, but my kind of music depends on my mood. I like metal when I need a release of frustration. I slide into metal core, post-hardcore, and pop punk as I slow down. And sooner or later, I end up listening to hip-hop, pop, and finally, ambient music. There's no exact order to my songs, but this explains it at least.

I can't write and write with my emotions unreleased, because with my stress rapidly escalating, an event known as thought disorder and psychosis appear in me.

Now that I think about it. I talk to myself all the time when that happens. I know the voices aren't real, but my ears hurt from all the noise.

There's so much I need to say.

I'll leave it here. I'm sorry. For now.