Salvadore had finally found someone who could point the way. It hasn't been long since he's escaped from hell, but the eternity of pain and suffering had compressed his hatred and killing intent into a black ball of darkness that he couldn't get rid of no matter what. So, like a mad man, he searched far and wide for the bastard that put him there. He searched high and low, destroying worlds and slaying demons and monsters alike.

In one place, he heard of heaven; god was said to reside there on a throne of gold and jade.

And in another place, he heard of a man who held the key… Janus…

Salvador instantly teleports to Earth, and looks around. Houses made of cheap and fragile wood and stone. In front of one of these houses was a man who sat on a porch smoking a pipe. It was Janus. He was scrolling through a black, rectangular device, chuckling occasionally to videos of cats.

Salvador frowns and approaches with the intent to kill. If this man didn’t tell Salvador what he wanted to know, he would slowly torture his soul for an eternity.

Janus looks up and smiles. “Hello.” He says, before looking around. “Are you looking for something? They sell maps at the 7-11 down the road.” He says, trying to be helpful.

Intent on showing he meant business, Salvador attempts to oppress the man with his spirit. “I’m looking for someone. You will show me the way.” He says as he expresses his spiritual suppression.

A breeze ripples out and gently brushes against Janus’s face. “Hmm?” He says with a teasing smile. “Was that you?” He asks, amused.

Salvador’s eyes widen. What is happening!? What happened to my suppression!? He exclaims in his mind.

Janus lets out a laugh, knowing what the man was thinking. “I see. You’re not from here.” He says before bursting out into a loud laughter. “Oh, man. Holy shit. Did you just teleport here intending to destroy the place? Dude. This is Earth. The laws binding this place are stronger than you could ever be. You realize you’re stuck here now, don’t you?” He says before bursting out into another laugh.

Anger appears on Salvador’s face. “I have no care for the laws that bind this place! You will tell me what I want to know!” He exclaims, but in the back of his mind, he was worried about escaping this place.

Janus’ laugh dwindles to a chuckle. “What? What do you want to know?” He asks.

Salvador looks to Janus, his fierce gaze expressing his intent. “How do I find god? How do I get to heaven?” He asks, his feelings of domination somewhat dwindling.

Janus raises an eyebrow and he lets out a smirk. “You want to get to heaven? Why? Are you asking because you wish to be rewarded or…?” He asks, gauging the direction of this desire.

Salvador’s face twists into something ugly. “I want to find god to kill him!” He exclaims without shame.

Janus’ smirk becomes wider before he lets out a chuckle, then he continues to laugh loudly. “Oh man, this guy. So hilarious. I’m sorry. Let me just open my senses to get a better sense of the situation. You’re saying too many weird things.” He says as he laughs. Suddenly, Janus’ eyes begin to glow silver before becoming normal once more. “Ah, you just got out of hell. Congratulations?” He says, unsure what else to say.

Fury once more appears on Salvador’s face. “What the fuck do you mean ‘congratulations’!? Are you dense!? I just made it out of hell! Of fucking hell!” He exclaims. He had fully lost his composure and very much wanted to destroy this man, but for some reason his body felt powerless.

Janus’ lets out a chuckle. “What? I said congratulations. I mean it. It’s a big step. It’s like finishing high school. Good job.” He says, trying to sound encouraging.

Salvador’s mind began to spin. What the fuck is this guy saying!? Why is he comparing it to a school!? He exclaims. He didn’t want to admit it but he was confused, very confused.

Janus smirks. “Do you want me to explain it to you?” He asks, deciding to be helpful.

“No! I want you to fucking tell me how to get to heaven! You dense! Fucking! Idiot!” Salvador exclaims again.

Janus continues to smile. “Look, kid. You can’t go to heaven. I can’t even go to heaven. Or I hope to god I can’t go, that would be terrible.” He says.

“Why!? Why the fuck can’t I get to heaven!?” Salvador asks, his frustration having nowhere to go.

Janus looks around and spreads his senses to make sure no one was around, then looks back to Salvador before whispering, “Okay, look. I can see you’re frustrated. So I’ll tell you. Just don’t tell anyone, okay? Pretty please? And please don’t tell anyone I told you. It’s kind of a big secret around here.”

Salvador lets out a sigh. “Fuck. Just tell me.” He says, with no intention to keep a secret.

“Hmm… Heaven… Heaven is sort of…” Janus begins to say as his cheeks brighten with a shade of pink. He was somewhat too embarrassed to say it.

“Just fucking say it man!” Salvador exclaims angrily. The man’s casual behavior was also not helping the situation.

“Heaven is *cough* *cough* it’s *cough* *cough* it’s for the babies *cough* *cough* *cough*” Janus says through a series of coughing fits. “Fuck man. That was hard to get out.” He says before clearing his throat.

Salvador raises an eyebrow. “What? For the babies? Is that what you said?” He asks, unsure if he heard it correctly.

Janus lets out a sigh. “Yeah, man. It’s for the new gods. Well, not all the new gods. Others find themselves in harsher conditions, but yeah, essentially it’s for the new gods.” He says as he looks to the sky. For some reason Janus thought it would be cloudy. Hearing no thunder, he lets out a sigh of relief. “Anyways, you’re too old to be in heaven. Just relax on Earth while you can. I’m pretty sure you’re stuck here now.” He says.

Confusion appears on Salvador’s face. “The new gods? All of them? And how am I too old? Are they not gods?” He asks, unable to keep track of this conversation.

“Fuck man, can you keep your voice down. Jeez. Yes, these kids recently bit the fruit of good and evil, which set them on the path to godhood. But you already finished high school, you’re much further on the path, so you’re too old to be playing with kindergarteners.” Janus tries to explain.

“Path to godhood? Me? What the fuck are you talking about? And since when was hell a damn school!” Salvador says, his anger unable to fade.

Janus smirks. “Look man, god is infinite, and hell, well, hell’s just a thing. It’s like a right of passage. If you make it out, you get your high school certificate, so congratulations. But again, it’s not really an original thing, most people go through it one way or another.” Janus says.

Salvador lets out an exasperated sigh. Is this guy just spouting bullshit? He wonders. “Look, man. I don’t really care if heaven’s for babies or not. I just need to find god so I can kill him. Can we focus on that, please?” He asks, trying a little to be nice.

Janus lets out a chuckle. “Man, if god’s up there, I’d feel sorry for him. Sounds like a terrible fate. But yeah, I doubt you’ll find him there. Most you’ll find is an empty throne, or a cult leader. One of the two.” Janus says. “It’s terrible enough that angels fall to Earth. Fuck, I hate dealing with those kids. Do you know what neo-nazi’s are? It’s a terrible thing.” He says with a shake of his head.

Salvador raises an eyebrow. “They’ve fallen to Earth? Then I can find them here?” He asks as he looks around.

Janus puts a hand on Salvador’s shoulder. “Alright, man. Easy. If you really go find them to spout bullshit I’ll have to kill you. Each one that has come to Earth, did so with a leap of faith. They left the greatness of heaven behind to find themselves. Do you know how hard that is? With an endless journey before you? How small you’d feel in this huge ass world?” He says as he looks seriously into Salvador’s eyes.

It was Salvador’s turn to smirk. “Oh, you’ll kill me? How will you do that?” He asks with a hint of taunt.

Janus gives the man a blank look before the back of his hand instantly found Salvador’s face. In an instant, Salvador’s body was rejected from this space. “The fuck outta here. Damn, high school kids. Think they’re better than everyone.” He says before taking his phone out once more to look at cat pictures.