《Panacea Possession (Worm)》Monologue Therapy
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Well, there’s only one way to answer that question.
“Just answering stupid questions. What does it look like I’m doing panpan?” I smirk at myself. The mirror cliché was definitely the right choice.
‘How- Wha- Just give me my body back you bitch!’
“Sure.” I hand over control, and she freezes for a second before her hand darts for the phone in her pocket. I take back control immediately of course. “Ah ah ah! You didn’t say how long!”
I take the phone out and pinch it with two fingers, dangling it in front of the mirror. “Who were you going to call, I wonder? I bet it was your sister, but maybe you should have considered the ghostbusters?”
I lick my lips, and no, I really can’t make this body look seductive. “Did you want me to introduce myself to your family? You only had to ask.” I toss it up in the air and catch it. My finger presses the power button.
‘No! Stop! Plea-’ and muted. “Just a sec panpan, I need to figure out what I’m gonna text Vicky so we can be BFF’s forever.”
Vicky is going to be extremely important once the plan really starts rolling, so I need to send something that isn’t suspicious, but also gets her in a position where I am alone with her for around fifteen minutes. One of their bedrooms might work. Hmm.
Mayb- no.
Would tha- no.
…
I spend a couple minutes working out what I want to say. All Might’s wacky eyebrows, this is hard.
Let’s ask the peanut gallery.
“Hey panpan, I need some advice. Any idea how I can get alone with your sister for fifteen minutes?” I flick her back on.
‘-elp! Help! Help!’ I roll my eyes. Hey! I’m trying to be reasonable here! “No one is going to hear you panpan -‘That’s not my name! Fuck you!’- ah, there you are! Any ideas, or am I going to have to do this all by myself?”
‘Get out of my body, bitch!’
I tap my foot and raise my eyebrows at the mirror. This is going to take a while huh? I glance at the clock. 6:57 pm. I’ve got time. “Nah, I don’t think I will, and you seem to be misunderstanding something. This is my body now. You’re just the extra soul who used to own it. I pushed you out, and I couldn’t give it fully back even if I wanted to.”
As expected, this accomplishes absolutely nothing. ‘You’re lying! You’re a master, and as soon as you slip the whole goddamn cape community is going to be on your ass!’
“Nuh uh!” I stick out my tongue.
‘Don’t ‘nuh uh’ me! Just…’ I hear a sigh. Yes, just because she’s in my head it doesn’t mean she can’t ‘breathe’. I am pretty sure the boss set that up on purpose specifically so I could get sighed at. ‘Just give me my body back. Please! Stop using me to brainwash people!’
“Noppers!”
Amy lets out a scream of frustration and falls silent. I can almost hear the sound of her reevaluating her position. She’s been in high stress scenarios before, so since she knows she isn’t in immediate danger she’ll be taking a step back and rethinking her approach.
From her perspective, an enemy master she doesn’t have line of sight on has taken over her body, but also doesn’t seem to want to harm her. Her first question is going to be why are you doing this.
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‘What’s your name?’
Beaver dams! I lost the bet. “Mouse Protector.”
She’s silent a little longer. Then I feel a burst of outrage. ‘Aren’t you supposed to be a hero! How are you even doing this?!’
“Psyche! I was kidding. Mouse Protector is one of the few capes I hope I never have to brainwash though. She’s too fun.” I perform a straight-backed bow toward the mirror, isekai anime style, as she makes another noise of frustration. “I lost my name a while back, so you can call me Amy.”
‘Fuck you! You can’t take my name!’
“Of course I can. It came with the body.” And here is the segue I needed. “You can keep Amelia Claire Levere though. I don’t need that one, and it was your first after all.”
I can tell immediately that I’ve rattled her. ‘...No. Fuck no.’
I wag the finger on my left hand as in my right the phone finally finishes powering on. “You’re so aggressive panpan. Whatever happened to proper bedside manners? I thought you were a real doctor.” She’s distracted, and it takes a bit for her to focus back on our conversation. I take the time to slip the phone back into my pocket.
‘You don’t know my father.’ I feel the uncertainty and dread rising up inside her, overwhelming even the anger she felt for taking her name. I love it when I get to play the temptress.
“Oh, you poor thing. Wouldn’t you think someone like me is exactly the kind of person your father might work with? Wait…” I pretend to let out a surprised gasp. “Do you even know who he is? How amazing his work was?” I look off into the distance to act like I am using my power. “By the seven seas! They never told you!”
‘Stop looking through my memories!’ I ignore her and keep my eyes unfocused. Then I make eye contact with the mirror and let out a wicked grin. This is so much fun! ‘No! Don’t tell me!’
“Are you suuuuuuuuure?”
‘Yes! Don’t!’
“Interesting.” I rub my chin. Oh! I almost forgot about the beard organism. Later. There was something about this in her interlude right? Ah yes. “You’re scared you’ll become him if you know. My dear Panacea, you are like him so much already. Your code in particular. The similarities are quite striking.”
‘Don’t tell me.’ Aww. She’s trying to be stern now. It would work if she had a body. “Oh, I won’t. Let’s play a game, panpan. Tell me who your father is, and I won’t text Vicky. Three guesses, but I bet you can get it on the first try. It really isn’t hard.”
My grin continues to grow, and looks properly evil if I do say so myself. “You just refuse to put the pieces together.” My eyes gleam in the mirror at the way I can feel her trying to think a way out of this situation. This host has so many buttons to push it almost isn’t funny.
Almost.
‘You’re bluffing.’
Well ok then. I reach for my pocket. ‘Stop!’
I raise an eyebrow at the mirror again. “Then play the game panpan. I don’t have all day.”
The uncertainty. The hope. The anger. The horror. What a delightful mix of emotions. They all start to recede under resignation. I wonder what Gallant would see if he looked at me right now.
The clock continues to tick. The resignation is joined by an uneasy certainty, and I know she figured it out. “Well? Don’t be shy.”
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‘...Marquis.’
“Hmm? Speak up.”
She doesn’t say anything, so I start reaching into my pocket for the phone again. With a sharp burst of panic she scrambles to stop me. ‘Marquis!’
I mime hitting a bell. “Ding ding ding! He is the father! What a great guy amiright? If I had to have a supervillain daddy, he would be my first choice.”
And here comes the anger, back at it again for whatever round number we’re on right now. ‘He was a gang leader! He killed thousands of people!’
“But he never killed women or children.” I tsk at her. “You really don’t see it? He was a bad guy, sure, but he never compromised his code. He refused to kill women and children. You refuse to change brains. You both have the same cynical outlook on human life. You hate healing don’t you? I’m surprised I even have to point it out.”
‘I am nothing like him!’
“You don’t believe that. Panpan, I don’t know if you’ve realized it yet, but I am currently hijacking your body. You can’t lie to me. Your uncertainty is so strong I can almost taste it.” I can feel her start to retreat into her own thoughts as she tries to deny what she already believes is true. The thing about arguing with yourself is you always win, even if you don’t want to. “You want to stop healing people, day after day, late night after late night. To not have to worry about becoming the next Nilbog. The next Bonesaw. Well, I’ll tell you a secret. The Nine visited the Bay, back in the day. Their whole shtick is forcing people to abandon their lines in the sand and join in the madness, and you know what?”
I snap my fingers. This really needed to sink in if she was ever going to get better. “They tried. Oh they tried. But Marquis never broke. He never even bent. Jack Slash himself couldn’t force him to change. Marquis didn’t kill a single woman or child during the Nine’s visit, and he drove them off personally.”
She tries to interrupt me, but I just mute her. Shut up and let me monologue. “He was a gentleman criminal. He didn’t kill anyone who wasn’t in his way, and he gave them every chance to get out of it. He refused to sell drugs, and he kept the people in his territory safe. As safe as you can be in Brockton Bay, anyway.”
I clench my fist. “But if you betrayed him? You were dead. If you attacked him? You were dead. If you were a woman or a kid? He let you live. He stuck to his code. It was that simple, and that was what your family exploited when they ambushed him in his own home. You know how they beat him?” I smile grimly, and I can feel the shock of so many revelations hitting Amy at once. We were making progress. “They used you as a hostage, Amy. It was Carol’s idea, of course, but caught up in the moment the rest went along with it. He refused to let you die, and he went to prison for the rest of his life because he didn’t bend, even then. If that isn’t worth respecting, I don’t know what is.”
I fold my arms. “But… he still lost. He still failed. In the end the code he trusted so much betrayed him. He refused to give it his all, and now he will never be able to be a father to you. If he just killed Carol, you would have a dad who loves you with all his heart. Not that depressed fake who calls himself a hero. Where was Mark when you needed comfort? When was the last time Carol looked at you with love?”
I scoff. “But he refused. He always refused. So, you’re right. You really shouldn’t be like your father. Continue to follow your code and one day it will betray you. One day it will be exploited, and everyone you care about will be hurt because You. Didn’t. Change.”
I push away memories of Beacon Academy, I do not have time to reminisce right now, and unmute her to give her the chance to speak. To defend herself. She doesn’t say anything, of course. I glance at the clock. 7:23 pm. “Well, I think this girl chat has been very productive, but it’s time to get back to work. Time waits for no man and all that.”
I fish the phone out my pocket and scroll over to Vicky’s contact. Amy’s brooding is interrupted by a flash of alarm. ‘Wait! You said you woul- you bitch!’
I smirk as I turn away from the mirror and start walking toward the door. “Calling isn’t texting panpan. I thought your mom was a lawyer? You should be familiar with doublespeak by now.” I press the green call button. “Talk to you later!”
‘Please! I’ll do anyth-’ and mute. Anything huh? She’s starting to arrive at the point of desperation far earlier than the other two.
And there it is. Despair. We’ll make a proper person out of you yet Amy. Just gotta tear down the rotting walls before we build you back up. I would say I am doing it for her own good, but it’s really more of a side benefit.
No one said breaking someone’s depression had to be boring.
The call connects when I am about halfway toward the hospital exit. Is there a proper procedure for me leaving, or do they just not care? I quickly glimpse a memory of an old woman just waving Amy away. Nope they don’t care. “Hey Ames. You done early today?”
I get hammered by residual feelings of attraction from both Amy and her memories at the same time. Holy Mother Teresa. Am I going to have to deal with that every time I talk with her? “Ames?” I shove the feelings away as hard as I can.
“Sorry, I got lost in thought for a second just before the call connected. I’m ready.”
“Sweet. I just finished my date with Dean.” Then I get sucker punched by a double whammy of jealousy and bitterness. This isn’t funny! “I’ll fly over in a second. Give me ten minutes?” You need to focus girl! Screwing this up might as well doom the Bay!
My self-pep talk actually helps a bit. Somehow. “Ok Vicky. Um…” I wait a few seconds. “Could I, uh…” Come on Glory Hole, take the bait. Your sister needs someone to confide in.
“Ames? You alright?”
I barely stop myself from slamming my foot down in frustration. That phrase! I’m getting Vietnam flashbacks here! Focus. Get back into character. The amount of effort this phone call is taking is ridiculous. You almost have her. I sigh loudly into the phone. “I found out something… bad, today, and I need your advice. Can we talk? Privately?”
“You know we can talk about anything. I’m your sister. If you need me, I’ll be there.” At this point the emotions coming from the Amy double combo are starting to remind me of hurricane Katrina, angsty teenager edition.
This better not happen often. I was hoping to use Vicky as some much needed early muscle, but if I get hit by the equivalent of a Gallant blast every time I interact with her, I might have to change plans. Seriously, I don’t have many options for early game conversions, and time is of the essence. I take a deep breath, both to center myself in the storm of emotions and for Vicky’s benefit. “Ok. Thanks Vicky. See you soon.” I hang up. Out of curiosity I flick the mute off again for an instant to see how Amy's doing.
All I hear is quiet sobbing.
I think she’s unavailable.
----
Vicky plummets from the sky like a meteor, striking the classic three point landing. Then she tosses her hair back as she raises her head to look at me. “There’s no need to fear! Glory Girl is here!”
At this point I am completely submerged into Amy’s character specifically for a moment like this, so instead of loudly clapping and laughing at the Underdog reference, I just raise an eyebrow. Always be prepared.
Then Glory Girl’s aura hits me.
How many foreign emotional effects does it take to screw in a lightbulb? I don’t know, but I do know how many it takes to make me freeze in place. I literally can’t move under all of this baggage, and hurricane Katrina becomes the goddamn Jupiter red spot. I am swearing. I am swearing. That is how bad it is. Tears start to leak out of my eyes.
“Oh my god, Ames!”
She zooms towards me and pulls me in a bone crushing hug. I have skin contact now, and I would love nothing more than to lose myself in the tapestry again, but brainwashing someone in a public parking lot is a stupid move. No matter how much I just want this to be over.
Is this karma for messing with Amy? Well, if it is, I guess I’ll take the L and get back to taking over the city. Once I can breathe.
“Vicky. Aura.” I manage to croak out.
“Huh?” She releases me and turns her aura off. She’s still confused though. “I thought you were immune.”
I thought so too, you blonde bimbo, but I should have realized I am not actually Panacea and therefore don’t have her conditioning/resistance. I can’t give her that excuse, but I can tie this into my plan, can’t I? “Mostly resistant, I guess. And…” I slump my shoulders, and her confusion turns into sympathy. “I’ve just had a really long day, even though we’re leaving early. Can we just go home? I really need you right now.” If that doesn’t tug at all of the sister heartstrings, I don’t know what does.
She scoops me up in a princess carry. “On it. I’m here for you.” Then she launches herself into the sky. Thank the lord in heaven I got that gravity girl in UA to conquer my fear of heights, because if I hadn’t my lunch would be impacting the hospital parking lot at terminal velocity right now.
It takes around seven minutes before we touch down at the house, and by that point I’ve gotten myself under control. The memories have stopped hitting me over the head with attraction and guilt, Vicky has her aura off, and Amy has basically given up and is sobbing in the corner as she watches helplessly. Is that guilt? Does she somehow think this is her fault?
Teenagers, I swear. How do high school teachers deal with this on a daily basis? Respect.
Vicky unlocks the door and leads the way into the Dallon household. I barely take it in. I am too busy going over every possible contingency for when this goes wrong. I am so close to goal numero uno, and if there was a time for something to pop up and derail my plans it is now. First off… “Where’s Carol?”
Vicky glances at me while we take our shoes off. “She’s at Aunt Sarah’s house. Dad went with her, so we have the house to ourselves. Don’t worry Amy. It’ll be alright.” Thanks Vicky. I actually believe you. Most of the possible problems were some version of ‘Carol is being a hag’. Now we just have ‘random Oni Lee attack’ and ‘Coil’s power sucks’.
I let my shoulders relax a bit, and Vicky’s expression brightens up. Yes, yes, what a great sister you are. “Ok. Let’s…” I glance up the stairs to my room. “Let's do this in my room.” She nods and we both start climbing the stairs.
She turns her head to look at me as we climb. “It isn’t me, is it?”
I let out a bitter laugh. “No. It’s me. It will make sense in a minute. Just give me some time.” She opens the door of my room for me and steps in behind me, closing and locking the door behind her. How considerate.
We both take a seat next to each other on the bed, and I let out a long breath. “Ok.” I turn to her and look her in the eyes, trying to be as serious as possible. “I trust you Vicky. You’re my sister and I love you, but this…” She waits for me to ‘collect my thoughts’ with a face of determination. “This is crazy. So I can’t take any chances.”
I reach out my hand to her, and Amy starts to stir in the back of my mind. I think she knows that there is nothing she can do to stop it, and hidden deep under the anger and hate and horror and resignation, there is this sense of ‘well played’. Thanks Amy, I appreciate it. I think you’ll find this isn’t as bad as you thought, but that’s for later.
I close my hand into a fist and open it again without breaking eye contact. “I need to know, with one hundred percent certainty, that you have absolutely no desire whatsoever to share what I am about to tell you with anyone else. So I need you to hold my hand and let me use my lie detector on you. Can you do that for me?” I try to look like I’m hiding desperation. “Please?”
She folds her hand into mine without hesitation, and the last bit of hope I feel from Amy dies out. “Ok Ames. I have absolutely no desi-” Her eyes roll backward as she flops onto the bed, completely knocked out.
Gotcha.
I maneuver her body so I can lay down next to her and be comfortable while I do this. Then, finally, I begin the first step in my plan to save the world. A Freddie Mercury song comes to mind, and I hum to myself. ♪ Don’t stop me now. ♪
I refuse to fail this time.
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