Several hours passed before Patrik finally stumbled from the enchanted forest. Covered head to toe in the blue blood of the giant arachnids, he slumped to his knees. He closed his eyes as the warming rays of the noonday sun bathed his face. Freedom. His arm ached from the hours of slaughter. There had been a lot more than just a dozen of the monsters.

The “Raise Dead” spell had saved him. The sight of the very dead giant spider lurching back to its feet and looking at him with twelve bright red eyes had been beyond creepy. It had moved more like a puppet on strings than a real living creature. But monstrous as it was, the thing had guarded his back while he fought off its fellow silk spiders. At least until they’d torn it to pieces. But by then his “mana” had regenerated—which it apparently did at a rate of one mana per minute—and he’d been able to cast the spell again on another of the fallen monsters.

Truthfully, it hadn’t been so bad. Most of the giant spiders were only a level 3 and were too busy screaming half the time to actually attack them. They’d fallen to his dagger by the dozens. He probably would have left them to themselves in the end if he hadn’t been sure the monstrous creatures would no doubt grow stronger and more dangerous over time. Better to put them down now than leave them to strike at some other poor, unsuspecting traveller. Plus, he’d managed to check his inventory during a lull in the fighting and had discovered he received spider hair and spider silk from each dead creature. Unsure whether it would be worth anything later, he continued to loot each spider after it fell.

Though anyone who travelled through that forest was surely one neuron short of a synapse. There was very little that was “enchanted” about the darkness beneath those trees. And he did mean darkness—the canopy was so dense almost no sunlight reached the forest floor. Fine silken webs hung everywhere, just waiting to snare unsuspecting humans in their sticky nets. Which had happened to Patrik on no less than a dozen occasions. Without his trusty dagger, he would have been spider food in no time.

But instead, here he was, sitting on the grass, enjoying the warm sunlight of another world, the forest at his back…

He frowned. “They can’t follow me out here, can they?” he asked, casting a glance over his shoulder.

There are currently no enemies in your vicinity, his PQA announced cheerfully. Well done in there, by the way. I’ve not seen such a slaughter since the battle for Blowtown Bridge.

Relaxing at the news, Patrik settled back down on the grass and turned his gaze forward. He had emerged from the forest at the top of a broad hillside. Grassy steps stretched out below him, forming a broad valley in which the thatched rooftops of a village lay nestled. Smoke drifted from the chimneys of several buildings and the distant clang of a hammer on steel carried to where Patrik sat on the hillside.

Despite the web and ichor covering him, Patrik found himself smiling. Civilisation. It was more than he’d hoped for after spending the last few hours carving his way through monsters. Though…he should probably clean himself off before trudging into town. If he really had found himself in an entirely new universe, he should probably try to make a good first impression.

Away to his right, a stream curved around the forest before continuing down into the valley and past the village. He could at least wash off the worst of the dirt and haemolymph there. Patrik started to rise, but before he could take two steps towards the crystal waters, a scream broke the peaceful silence.

“What the hell was that?” he cried, raising his dagger.

For once the PQA did not respond. He stood, blade poised, eyes fixed on the trees. The scream came again. It was a man’s voice this time—he could have been sure the first had been a woman’s. A curse slipped from Patrik’s lips. The sounds were coming from somewhere in the forest.

Another scream. A woman’s again. This time it went on for longer, and Patrik found himself frowning. That hadn’t sounded like someone in pain, or even terror. The way it had trailed off… had seemed more like the wails of a grieving woman than those of one facing a monstrous spider.

“Hello, Mr. PQA? What the hell is going on in there?”

Ah…well, I was going to mention it earlier, but…you should really check your muted notifications.

“My what?”

You asked me not to tell you every little notification, remember?

“Right…and?”

Just…can I catch you up? I should really catch you up, mate.

Patrik sighed. The Australian accent was really beginning to grate on him. How did anyone stand it? “Fine. Just don’t scream.”

Great! Now where were we—there!

Achievement Unlocked: Potions Apprentice. Congratulations, you’ve used your first potion. Reward: Your hand is better isn’t it? What more do you want?

New Quest: Escape the Enchanted Forest. Congratulations, you have received your first quest. This one is pretty simple. You’ve stirred up a nest of Giant Silk Spiders by killing their queen. You must escape the Enchanted Forest. No worries if you lose some limbs, but you must escape alive. Reward: 100 gold coins.

Achievement Unlocked: Beast Slayer. You have killed creatures of the same race. Reward: 100 bonus experience

Achievement Unlocked: Traitor. Wow that’s cold, mate. You’ve killed more than 20 friendly creatures. Reward: 100 gold. [-100 Alignment Points]

Congratulations! You have learned the skill Hack and Slash!

Congratulations! Your skill Hack and Slash has increased to level 2!

Congratulations! Your spell Raise Dead has increased to level 7!

Bring! Bring! Bring! Congratulations. You have reached level 10! You have been awarded 3 stat points. You may now distribute stat points between your attributes. You have 27 stat points to assign.

Quest Complete: Escape the Enchanted Forest. Congratulations, you have escaped the Enchanted Forest alive. You have been rewarded with 100 gold coins.

“Wait, wait, wait, what was that traitor crap?” Patrik interrupted the stream of text that was scrolling past his eyes. The PQA’s volume had dropped maybe one percent. At least it was improvement.

You know, it’s rude to interrupt. But I guess you’re not too worried about that, being a mass murderer and all.

“Are you talking about the spiders?” Patrik asked. “In what world were they friendly?”

Hey, I don’t make the rules. The Giant Silk Spiders in this region are classed as friendly monsters. It’s not my fault you went all... There was a pause as some pages were flipped. “Leeroy Jenkins” on their queen. Another pause. Did I get that reference right?

Patrik groaned and ran a hand over his face. “You said they were enemies!”

I said they were monsters. That doesn’t mean they’re enemies. What would make you think that?

“Because they’re monsters!”

That’s speciesism.

“Spec…”

Patrik trailed off as there came a commotion from farther down the treeline. He watched as half a dozen people burst from the forest and staggered into the sunlight. Their wails carried across the slopes to where Patrik stood. The men and women wore surprisingly modern looking clothing—including one woman in a pair of tightfitting jeans. He had little time to inspect their clothing or otherwise though, as the group only stopped briefly to exchange hugs and sobbing tales of woe, before taking off down the slope towards the distant village.

A lump lodged in Patrik’s throat at the sight of them and he found himself retreating backwards into the shadow of the trees. He still didn’t understand everything that was happening here, but he had a suspicion things would not go well for him if the people below found him covered in the ichor of the dead spiders.

“Goddamnit, man,” he hissed beneath his breath. “Why didn’t you tell me they were friendly?”

Well, the description was quite detailed. I figured you knew! You were quick enough to kill the poor wizard. It only seemed natural that you’d leap at the chance to butcher some helpless little spiders.

“Little? Those things were little?” Patrik let out a long exhalation, seeking to calm himself. “The thing was attacking me, I didn’t exactly have time to read the description.”

Well, there we go. Reading is important, you know.

Patrik would have spent the rest of the day cursing the PQA, but the people from the forest were already drawing close to the village. And their cries had apparently alerted those within, as several figures had emerged from amongst the buildings onto the dirt track leading up to the forest.

“So those villagers…what exactly do you think is going on down there?

You ah…might want to check the description for the Enchanted Forest.

A feeling of dread settled like day-old Taco Bell in Patrik’s stomach as he glanced at the trees and a new text box popped into existence.

The Enchanted Forest of Monmouth. The Enchanted Forest of Monmouth is home to many friendly critters—most famous of which is the indigenous Giant Silk Spider. These spiders are famed for their eight-legged hugs, the experience of which is said to be lifechanging. The Giant Silk Spiders are also essential to the local economy, specifically through Arachniculture—the growing and raising of giant spiders for the harvest of their silk. This practice has long formed the backbone of the economy in nearby Monmouth.

“You’ve got to be shitting me,” Patrik murmured.

You really went all in on the bad guy narrative, didn’t you?

A groan built in the back of Patrik’s throat. If the PQA had been a physical entity, he might have strangled it about then. As it was, he barely had time to curse the disembodied voice for a few seconds before he noticed a fresh commotion in the town below.

Several dozen men and women had disengaged from the rest of the crowd and were starting up the hill towards the forest. Their voices carried up the hill, pitched now towards anger. Even from a distance, Patrik managed to catch a few of their muttered words. “Queen,” “dead,” and “justice” were just a handful of those he understood. Several amongst the crowd carried literal pitchforks and flaming torches.

The villagers of Monmouth had apparently decided to hunt down whoever had killed their precious spiders.

“Shit, shit, shit,” he muttered under his breath.

His clothes were completely soaked in spider ichor. If they found him like this, there would be no doubt as to his guilt. Patrik had a feeling they wouldn’t be interested in hearing about his misunderstanding.

Yeah, this is quite the situation you’ve gotten yourself into, mate.

Patrik exhaled a long breath. Looking again at the stream, he reconsidered his plan to bathe. At the pace they were moving up the hill, the villagers couldn’t be more than a few minutes away. There just wasn’t enough time to wash away all the haemolymph and spider carapace.

“Well, you’re the Personal Quest Assistant,” he said. He held out his arms in a gesture that indicated the gunk covering him from head to foot. “You got any suggestions?”

I would suggest you avoid murderhoboing your way through a nest of friendly monsters in future.

“I meant for right now,” Patrik grated through clenched teeth. “You know, some advice about avoiding the literal mob of villagers screaming for my blood.”

Yes, they do look rather angry. If they see you covered in the blood of their beloved spiders, they will become your most bitter enemies.

“Yes, I already figured that one out myself.”

Well, I guess it’s a good thing you have a spare set of clothes!

Patrik’s mouth was already open in readiness to deny the claim, when he paused. A frown touched his forehead. His skin crawled.

“You don’t mean…”

Well, you did loot everything from the poor bastard.