IARA

After the party I felt exhausted. Every piece of me felt weighed down with water. The sun was starting to rise and all I wanted to do was collapse into a bed. It felt unnatural to be tired when the sun was up. Usually I would be starting my day right now, not ending it. My old routine was a thing of the past. The thought made my chest hurt.

Elisif helped me back to my room. I would have been completely lost without her. She started to take the pins out of my hair, getting me ready to sleep. “You have another long night with Malachi tomorrow,” she informed me.

I made a groaning noise. “Can’t I just sleep?”

She laughed and shook her head. “You can sleep once you get your slip on. But once the moon rises, you have to be up and at them. There will be a parade in the morning, then lunch with the royal family, and then the Prince will give you a tour of the palace. I know switching sleep schedules is hard, but you have to stay up at night from now on,” she said.

I sighed. “Have you talked to your mother?” I asked.

Elisif shook her head. “Not yet. I haven’t been able to even see my mother since I got back. I’ll have more free time tomorrow,”

I only nodded. Elisif helped me change into a sleep dress. She pulled the heavy curtains closed around my bed so the sunlight wouldn’t trickle in. I thanked her and she left. She would be in the room right next to mine. Told me to get as much sleep as I could but if I needed her all I had to do was call. She looked like she needed as much sleep as me. I wouldn’t get her. I would let her sleep as long as she needed. I knew I wouldn’t be able to get a wink regardless.

I sat in my bed that felt way too big for me. The pillows and blankets were made from beautiful textiles but it almost felt wrong. I missed my rough bed made from animal pelts. I should have brought at least one with me. The fur would have been comforting to me. Instead I was in an entirely different kingdom with nothing that felt like home. Not even the air felt the same. It was salty with mist from the sea. At first it was a point of excitement but now it only made me homesick.

I missed my home. I missed Rey hitting me with her knobby cane when I said something she disliked. I missed my forest where I felt like myself. I missed the creak in the floorboards when I would cook something over the open fire. I missed Telvin and his round face. I missed Demarcus and his kind words. I even missed the villagers who only gave me strange looks when I walked through town. I missed everything about where I grew up. Nothing could be a replacement.

I pulled my legs tight to my chest and hugged my knees. I felt like it was the only way to keep me from falling apart into a million pieces. I willed myself not to cry. Now that I was completely alone I had time to feel the loneliness. I shared a small space with two other people for most of my life. Now that I was alone in this spacious room I felt cold. I blinked rapidly to brush tears away.

My thoughts drifted to Prince Malachi. The man with a stoic face but all the troubles of the world swirling in his head. His feelings were tumultuous to say the least. When I touched his hand, his emotions raged through me in a loud cacophony, colors mixing and swirling to form things I couldn’t even recognize. Was it just how stressful living here was? If that’s the case, I was even more unsure in my ability to live here. I thought Telvin was painful to touch sometimes, but that? That was horrific. I didn’t know how to bear such emotions on my own, let alone for another person with so much more than me.

I felt sympathy for him. He showed none of it on his face. His green eyes stayed calm, his voice measured and steady. His accent was thicker than Elisif’s, strong and flat. It made me wonder what else he was able to hide so perfectly. I dreaded our next meeting. I knew we’d have to touch again. I looked down at my hand. I didn’t realize it was trembling. I balled my fingers into a fist and let myself fall back into the pillows. It was all too much.

I longed for my thoughts to be blank. I pulled my mind to something more soothing. Telvin. The kind man who had my heart. I hoped he was doing well. He had no idea how much I missed him. I could use his grounded nature right now. He was so sweet. He was simple and easy to be around. He helped me through the most troubling time in my life and I hoped the thought of him would get me through this too. He would help me even if he never realized it.