Why?

Why, why, why?

I glared at the roof of my bedroom, but when it didn’t offer me any answers I trained my eyes out of the window. The stars had always made me smile, but it felt wrong to stargaze without her presence next to me. I turn away. I’m being stupid. She was a traitor. That’s what the commander had told us. Except I found it so hard to believe, that she would do such a thing. 13 years. That’s how long I had known her. Since we were 3 years old. And not once had her faith in our purpose wavered. Unless… she had been lying to me all those years. Maybe she had been a traitor all along. No. She would never.

I sat up in my bed, glancing out my window one last time before I staggering up to my feet. I needed to stop thinking for a while. It wasn’t doing me any good. Making my way down to the training room was much harder than it should have been. What would normally be a short 10 minute walk, ended up feeling like a two hour long struggle. My legs couldn’t seem to carry my weight, I could feel my heart thumping in my temple. And suddenly, all I wanted to do was cry.

Crying was something highly looked down upon in Sector 12. I would surely be punished for what I was about to do but I couldn’t seem to find it in me to care. I let my legs give out beneath me, curled my knees up to my chest, and cried.

I’m not exactly sure how long I stayed like that, but it must’ve been long enough for another soldier to report me to the commander because when I finally looked up, the commander was standing in front of me, a twinkle of concern in his eyes.

I shot up, or at least, I tried to. It was really more of a slow transition into a standing position whilst using the wall behind me as support. I raised my hand into a four-fingered salute, expecting a slap, a punch, a kick, some form of discipline, but the commander did none of those. Instead, he put a hand on my shoulder.

“How are you, soldier?”

I couldn’t seem to find a reply. I’d heard stories of people being caught crying, and being severely punished. I couldn’t understand why the commander was being so kind to me.

“I’m, uh, good… sir.”

The commander gave me a comforting smile, “If this is about your friend, I can fully understand. I too once had a friend betray me. I had put all my faith into them, and they threw me away like dirt.” the commander shook his head sadly, “Never will I let someone go through that kind of pain alone.”

The commander started to walk away, using his hand on my shoulder to guide me. Support me. My legs seemed to be stronger, my heart, less rampant.

“We have a long journey ahead of us, soldier.”