《Summer Heartbreak》5

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Going to Sori’s store after school became an everyday occurrence and a lifestyle for me. For hours, we would play records, and go on to study, or simply be there at each other’s side. There wasn’t a clear sense of development in our relationship. I’m not a very talkative person to begin with, and surprisingly, Song Sori wasn’t either. But she would talk by herself a lot before playing the records. I’m not sure if she noticed, but I intently listened to every single word she’d say. That’s how I memorized the names of every band and musician she listened to. And I would go home and listen to them as well.

The Beatles, Rolling Stones, The Beach Boys, Elvis Presley, The Who, The Smiths, The Cure, Pixies, The Sex Pistols, Electric Light Orchestra, The Kinks, The Moody Blues, The Clash, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Jesus and Mary Chain, The Fall, Joy Division, The Carpenters, Oasis, Blur, Nirvana, Radiohead, Led Zepellin, Michael Jackson, Kiss, Elton John, Bob Dylan, Buddy Holly, Deep Purple, The Grateful Dead, Wham, The Ramones, Van Halen, David Bowie, The Police, Talking Heads, Bobby Fuller, Nine Inch Nails, Queen, Curtis Mayfield, Billy Joel, Jefferson Airplane, Steely Dan, Can, Lou Reed, Squeeze, The Pretenders, The Knack, Elvis Costello, Simple Minds, Don Henley, Soft Cell, Dexys Midnight Runners, Gill Scott Heron, Swans, Sam Cooke, They Might Be Giants, Ween, Cardiacs, Buffalo Springfield, Village People, Don McLean, Bryan Adams, Pink Floyd, King Crimson, Yes, The Zombies, Frank Zappa & Mothers of Invention, The Residents, Boris, Yellow Magic Orchestra, Sun Kill Moon, The Strokes, Rancid, Against Me, LCD Soundsystem, The Replacements, Cheap Trick, Big Star, Grover Washington Jr, Television Personalities, The Loving Spoonful, At the Drive In, The Art Attacks, Dead Kennedys, Andrew Jackson Jihad, Drive Like Jehu, Gorillaz, Godspeed You Black Emperor, John Coltrane, King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard, Neutral Milk Hotel, Opeth, The Cribs, Portugal The Man, Rage Against the Machine, Rush, The Eagles, Sonic Youth, The Sweet, A-ha, Emitt Rhodes, Albert Hammond, Miles Davis, REO Speedwagon, Allman Brothers Band, Dire Straits, Starland Vocal Band, The Stooges, Pearl Jam, The Slits, Velvet Underground, The Sparks, Wire, Aerosmith, The Doors, The Undertones, Fleetwood Mac, J Geils Band, Alan Parsons Project, Stevie Wonder, Steely Dan, Cream, Dan Deacon, The Fishmans, Emerson Lake and Parmer, Bad Company, Mott the Hoople, Genesis, The Doobie Brothers, Jimi Hendrix Experience, Asia, Bruce Springsteen, Bobby Caldwell, The Monkeys, Simon and Garfunkel, Devo, Blondie, The Buggles, Jonathan Richman, Jeff Buckley, The Cardigans, The Everly Brothers, Flaming Lips, Foo Fighters, Hall and Oates, Green Day, The White Stripes, Swell Maps, Weezer, The Cars, Jimmy Eat World, Johnny Cash, Redbone, The Lurkers, Diana Ross, Tears for Fears, Matthew Wilder, The Turtles, The Ink Spots, Clovers, The Orioles, The Ravens, The El Dorados, The Animals, Cyril Davies, Chuck Berry, Earth Wind and Fire, Neil Young, America, Boston, Chicago, Kansas, Orleans, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Jeff Rosenstock, Prince, Xiu Xiu, Death Cab for Cutie, McAlmont and Butler, Daniel Johnston.

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I listened to all of them.

I soon learned Song Sori’s language. I had my own favorite bands, and sometimes those would differ from those of Sori’s. When talking about music, she would show joy; a kind of joy I couldn’t see from her before. She also grew to be more assertive in our conversations. (To begin with, when you don’t talk to many people, you don’t know which things are bad to say and which aren’t. This can be a positive thing too.) So she became like me, and I became like him. I learned how to make a genuine smile for the first time in my life.

We talked about Morrisey’s ridiculous voice and John Marr’s slick guitar playing. We talked about which mascara Robert Smith would’ve used. We talked about who was the most genius songwriter in the Beatles. We talked about what our favorite song from “Pet Sounds” was. We talked about David Byrne’s suit and David Bowie’s face painting. My favorite Bowie record was ‘Station to Station’ and hers was ‘Young Americans’; and we would pick a favorite track from the other’s favorite album. (Mine was ‘Somebody up There Likes Me’, hers was ‘Golden Years’.) We compared the piano performances of Elton John and Billy Joel. We would get pumped up from the explosive energy of The Sex Pistols, Green Day and The Clash, and would talk more. She would memorize the entire discography of The Beatles and would tell me about it as if she was a college professor. And I would instead listen to The Pixies’ record ‘Surfer Rosa’ so many times that I could write an essay about it.

Song Sori was changing in school too. Her smile no longer seemed fabricated, and she became more active in behavior to the other kids too. Some of them would see this and say she had become more ‘boorish’. The ‘image’ they had been given of Song Sori was being threatened. So to them, it was nothing less than an insult. Maybe it was only because I became close to Sori, but I started hearing various things people would say about her. I became concerned for her, without her knowing. But one-sided concern never resulted in anything. Even so, Song Sori retained herself like nothing was happening. And I began to lose myself as a result of Sori.

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We were resting in the record store, fleeing from the murderous summer sunlight. I would watch Song Sori playing with the record player. I would look at her only, and forgot that the world existed. When I could see the moon up in the sky, I cried while listening to that Spring Summer Autumn Winter CD. Then I would get a call from Sori, and we talked to each other all night, just like that.

We asked each other nonsensical questions that could not be answered. I can’t forget a single moment of it. It was the longest 30 days of my entire life.

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