Sam-o was on his way to Titan City in his rusty AMC Eagle when the news came over the radio that all the superheroes were dead. By the sound of it General Havoc had taken them all out with a suicide bombing and that his plot to take over the world with giant animal robots powered by alien crystals from another universe had all been a ploy to gather up all the heroes and villains in one place and destroy them. The truly sad part was that the Fairview Mall was supposed to open this weekend and with Captain Catastrophe dead, who was supposed to cut the ribbon? People needed socks and if the mall didn’t open, where were they supposed to get them? Not only socks but really bad body piercings done by a girl named Susan who only took the job so her parents would get off her back. Like it really mattered, anyway. As soon as her social media page took off, it’s not like she would have to work, anyway.

Sam pulled the car over to the side of the road and turned the radio off. Where did he go from here? Did he continue on to Titan City? He couldn’t imagine that they would need him to identify the body. He couldn’t go back to the Captain Catastrophe’s not so secret base Catastrophe Tower sponsored by Pop Fizz, a subdivision of Carbonated Cola. Catastrophe was the only one with clearance and Sam had to be buzzed in, which made it really inconvenient any time Catastrophe wasn’t home or ignoring his phone. Or in this case dead. Sam was effectively out of a job and a home. He just starred off in the distance as cars passed by. Oh god, was the AMC Eagle going to be his new base of action? He turned the wheel and pulled out into traffic in the opposite direction. Horns blared at him. Oh no, this was a freeway. Bad idea. He pulled his car back to the side of the road, his heart pounding out of his chest. Vehicles whizzed by, their drivers casting wicked glares at him. He took a deep breath and waited for the cars to pass before heading back onto the freeway. This time in the right direction. He would need to take the next exit before heading in a new direction.

Three hours and several course changes later, he found himself stopped at a remote gas station on the way to Yosemite National Park. He had always wanted to go, but had never had the time. He figured he had more than enough time now as he plopped down a soda and a bag of powdered mini doughnuts. The old lady behind the counter rang it up on a register so old that the keys had to be pressed down a few inches before the machine would register the touch, and the total was present on little cards presented behind a glass window on the machine.

“That would be $5.37.”

Sam pulled out his wallet and in opening it realized he didn’t have any cash on him, but that didn’t stop him from moving things around like some might magically appear behind his Fun Land play card. When was the last time he had been to an arcade? He couldn’t remember. He wondered if they would have an arcade at Yosemite. He was sure there would be a gift shop, but an arcade would be pushing it. The best he could hope for was a pinball machine at a camping resort.

“Do you guys take credit cards?”

The old lady smiled and said, “Of course.” With the sweetness of someone that thought they were dealing with the simple minded. Of course they could take credit cards. Who couldn’t take credit cards these days? Just because she liked antiques doesn’t mean she had an aversion to technology. She pointed towards the card scanner on the counter as she punched in the total on the digital reader.

He pulled out his checking card and inserted it into the machine. An uncomfortable few seconds later, there was the familiar buzz of his card being rejected. He had been worried about that. He couldn’t remember the last time Catastrophe had paid him. He thumbed through the rest of his cards, which included random business cards he had shoved in there because he was too polite to tell the person he was never going to be in the market for a used violin case. Oh hey, he did have the credit card. Catastrophe had given it to him for dire emergencies, and by dire he meant he/Captain Catastrophe had better be dead or dying. He whipped the card out with a smile on his face. I guess today was that day! He probably shouldn’t be smiling. He put on a more somber tone as he inserted the card.

ACCEPTED

The old lady pulled off a receipt and slid it over for him to sign. He cautiously signed it and slid it back to her. When police sirens didn’t blare and she didn’t pull a gun on him, he had another idea.

“I need some gas too and a couple more things.”

Five minutes later, he was driving down the road eating popcorn and chasing it down with the expensive root beer. He looked over at the raspberry filled doughnuts sitting atop his loot.

“Don’t you worry, I’ll get to your next.”

He turned on the radio. He felt good. He was on his way to Vegas because Yosemite was for people who didn’t have money.

“Vegas has been destroyed. I repeat, Vegas has been destroyed. Reports are coming in that a new villain calling himself Kerfluffle has destroyed the city and has demanded that President Chase step down as supreme commander and hand over the new keys. The President has already responded saying that if Kerfluffle wants to be taken seriously, he’ll need to blow up Las Angeles too.”

Well crud, this was turning out to be a horrible day. I guess it was back to Yosemite. But somehow even Yosemite had lost its lure. He just wanted to go home and salvage what he could of his life and maybe get a new car. Yes, he should definitely get rid of this piece of junk before they locked the credit card. Oh god, did he say that out loud. No. He hadn’t, but it didn’t matter, because cars knew exactly what you were thinking and he still needed this one to get him home.

Thirty minutes later, he was walking.