Before I knew it, it was my last day of work before the few days off. Did what had to be done, like usual. Like any other day. Like any other time, and every other time. The same procedure everyday. Start, cook, serve, end, repeat. Start, cook, serve, end, repeat. Thinking about it, it probably sounds like what some whiny child would say. But what else can be said? Life is one giant hassle. Weight that crushes your feet into the earth as one struggles to take another step. If the weight is dropped, that is when they are finished with life. Sounds comfortable, not having to carry something so heavy and aching. Thought of dropping the weight myself crossed many times, but that is when you go eye to eye with death. And death -- or rather after death -- is a terrifying thing. Fear of what lies beyond death is akin to the fear of the unknown, and I am not but a coward. That is why I continue.

The past few days after the last time having coffee with Lisa was quiet. Sure as though she was doing her best not to talk with me during work. Never tried to approach her first but I could tell from those eyes that she did not want me close. We had our greets and our farewells but that was it and nothing else. I acted like it was nothing, but an act is an act. Acted normal, usual and that was it as though nothing has changed. As always.

Only thing noteworthy were my dreams. Was the same fucking thing. Always standing in darkness in front of the goddamn mirror. Could not tell if it was me or someone else from the reflection. Could never make it out. Again and again. Over and over. Fucking irritating. Times like this are better spent drinking. Need a stimulant.

Cloudy, today was. The sun had difficulty shining down to the earth as though the sky was blurred by gray smudge from an unwashed glass. Found the bar I visited before. Entrance cowering away from the busy road. Glowing signs from the other shops shining more bright than the bar's own. It was easy to miss this little place but that was its charm. Would mean less others who would stumble upon here on a whim. That was what I liked. Felt like a part of a secret club obscured from the world's eyes.

Made myself down the short staircase and went right in. The calming, smooth atmosphere passes through my body. Felt as though I have withdrawn from the outside. Moody lighting, spotlight on the bottle shelf. Bar counter was fit for a few people. Tables were pushed against the walls. A considerably small place with not much seating and even fewer people. Only ones present was the bartender that I do not remember from my previous visits and a couple seated at a table. Not surprising since it was still before the evening. Prefer it like this.

Seated at the counter. The noticeably graying bartender standing on the other side smiles as though that was his warm greeting.

"What would you like, sir?" he asked.

"White Russian," gave him my order.

"Certainly."

Do not go to bars often. Usually buy alcohol from liquor stores. Drink them from a glass and nothing else. Bars are where I get the drinks mixed. Something I happen to prefer. Cannot explain why. Feel like mixed drinks belong somewhere outside of my apartment. That is all.

"Here you go, sir," my beige drink placed in front of me.

"Thanks." I attempted to smile but my mouth was tight. Probably made a smirk instead.

"Feels like it's going to rain tomorrow," the bartender said, not making a comment on my stupid smirk.

"Wouldn't mind that. I like the rain."

"Don't hear that often."

"Something about the rain always makes me feel at peace. Walking in the wet world with an umbrella, having less crowds to worry about never felt bad to me."

"That's an interesting way to put it. Always hated having my clothes get wet though. But the rain does bring back memories."

"Memories?"

"Used to play this one fantasy role-playing video game with my son when he was younger. Couldn't remember the name. It was during spring break...or was it winter break? Couldn't remember but it was a rainy day and we stayed indoors. My son started playing this one game I got him for his birthday but he got stuck on some dragon boss. Too young to understand how everything worked in its entirety, and so I helped him. Turns out it was the first boss and I found the whole battle system to be enjoyable. So we played together every day I was off and I learned more about the game and its story...I'm sorry, I'm just rambling, aren't I?"

"No -- no, please continue."

"Well then, turns out the story goes that the main characters were a party of misfits, different backgrounds, shouldn't even be friends with each other but we're all tied to this goal of defeating this tyrant. What really stuck out to me was the ending in which the main characters were not seen as the heroes in history because another group took down the tyrant before you could. It came as a shock after all of that work and effort, the main characters were reduced to something so...small. They didn't get any of the glory the other heroes got. My son got pretty depressed after seeing that."

"Goddamn."

"It was the simple fact that another group beat your own to the punch. Worse was the epilogue when you see half of your party going back to what they were doing before and nothing else, going back to their previous insignificant lives. There was one character in the party that struck me though, it was the young man with the sword, one of the first characters to join you. In it, he happily married a lovely merchant girl and was able to fight bandits, vicious creatures and the like that ambushed them single-handedly during their travels because of the knowledge and experience he gained from the adventure."

"That's...a rather good thing to happen."

"He also became the leader of a merchant defense group for hire when his wife wasn't traveling. He didn't become a knight in shining armor to the kingdom he fought for but he at least became something that mattered in the end."

"I believe that was a more interesting direction for the story to go. Gave the audience quite a surprise."

"It certainly did. I find it funny how that game really stuck with me. The ending presented a scenario that I believe happens more often than we want to acknowledge, and seeing that after everything that's happened, my god. And all because it was a rainy day and my son needed help with the first boss."

"And you can't remember the name?"

"My god, no. It was a strange one. My son took the game with him when he moved out. I should really ask him the next time I talk to him."

"You got me interested. Hope you find out the name soon. I want to know too."

"Hopefully soon..."

Heard the entrance door swing open. Some others were coming in. Was the time when people would start populating. Did not want to stay here much more. Was not long until I finished my drink, paid, and soon gone. Becoming another part of the night on these streets.

The village found in the outskirts of the capital was small, dull and did not provide much for excitement. The villagers were always indifferent to me. The quiet life here was not stimulating. Spent most days in my shelter and the only company that I had was myself. Everybody else had each other, their friends, families, all that you wish to keep close. Was here where they were born and here they will die. Not what I had in mind for myself. The only activities that did not involve farming or the likes was moving to the capital. Wanted better for myself. Did not want to be stuck in the goddamn middle ages forever. Perhaps one day I will get recognition, something I can call an accomplishment and not just be loved by the village here but throughout the kingdom for doing something so achieving, so amazing it would drop anybody in awe. Just needed a reason to get out of this insignificant village.

Was one day when I caught word that a terrible evil was attempting to take over the kingdom. That was when it was my time to act. Was not long until I arrived in the capital. So many people and liveliness. Vendors and chants on the streets that stretch so far. The casual citizens to the armored heroes, all meeting in one place. Overwhelming as though being thrown into a strange movie set but I had to kill this tension if I was going to stop the evil that was coming. Bought my first sword at a nearby armory. Strong and sturdy one this is. Could take on a few enemies but still could not go alone. Had to find people willing to join. Went to a bar and found luck. After a few ales I convinced Lisa, the bard; Elizabeth, the paladin; and the aged graying man who I forgot his name, the mage. We were set.

We fought through towns and forests, dungeons and mountains. Against bandits and henchmen, monsters and dragons. We have gained strength, experience, higher levels, and better equipment and were more than ready to take on the final boss. Closer and closer we were reaching the grim castle which housed the evil we were set to stop. Traveling up the hill was when Elizabeth tapped me on the shoulder.

"You want something?" I asked her.

She had pleasant air, a certain trait of hers. "What's your plan after we save the kingdom?"

"Suppose I will go back to painting and drawing."

"So what did make you want to start this quest in the first place? It sounds like doing this and what you want to do are completely unrelated."

"When I said I wanted to go back to painting and drawing, I suppose I have not done that in a while. Want to do it, but goddamn. Hands get shaky. Ugly thoughts cave in. Loved it and it does not love me back. Bites me if anything. Where did it go wrong, I ask myself. What the fuck, I ask myself. Wish I knew the answer. Is stupid, really."

"You haven't answered my question, Rob."

"What about yourself, Elizabeth?"

"Me? I'm not so sure. My parents were talking about moving because my dad found a job somewhere so I guess that's something."

"We can always mail each other."

"Uh -- wait, you haven't answered my question."

Then we were in. Inside the castle of the evil that we came to stop. A giant throne room with a ceiling that reached unnecessarily high. Numerous stained glass windows fitting for a church ran along the walls, many being smashed. Marble pillars that held the room together were crumbled and damaged. The main piece; the throne was ripped, dirtied and nobody occupying it. Was obvious what happened here: the evil was already defeated. Nobody needed to say it. We all got the message.

I opened my mouth, "Shitty as it may be, at least we gained something from all this."

"Are you fucking stupid?!" Lisa yells at me. Was the first time I saw her in rage. "We fought, busted our asses off, risked our lives and all that other shit we went through for what?!"

What was I supposed to respond with? "I assure you that not all is lost. We learned a lot from the whole experience, did we not?"

"I'm afraid to tell you this, Rob," the aged graying man said, taking a step forward towards me. "But I agree with Lisa. We didn't get ourselves nearly killed just for the experience."

"We have to look at this situation in another way, is all. Can't be that difficult."

"Have you gone mad?!" Lisa was in a state of both anger and shock. Her eyes were beginning to tear.

"We were supposed to become heroes and be known throughout the kingdom. Our names to be written in history and passed down for generations to come. Our lives to be held high and worthy of praise. But that's been crushed and you think it can't be difficult to look at this another way?!"

"Yeah...well...you see..."

"No, Rob. We are fucked! F-U-C-K-E-D! There's no point to this! How am I supposed to go home now!?"

"I'm sorry to tell you this, but Lisa has a point. What will become of us now?" The aged graying man had a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"Yeah, Rob! What will become of us?!"

Oh fuck, make it stop.

"Did you have a backup plan prepared?"

"Come on! You've got to be smart enough to have one!"

Make it stop. Make it stop.

"We could really hear it right now, Rob."

"Spit it out already!"

Enough of this goddamn shit. "EVERYBODY, SHUT UP!"

And that is when they were gone. Vanished. Was though they were taken by the wind like nothing but dust. Only Elizabeth and myself remained in this giant tarnished room. Eyes drift to hers. Sadness and disappointment was reflected.

Had to say something. "This is not what we worked for. I know."

Elizabeth shook her head slowly. "It's okay. Things like this happen. Probably more often than we want to acknowledge."

Tried to smile back. "Yeah. But I do not know myself."

"There's bound to be something to get out of this."

"I say that but it is easy to say. To do it though...I have no idea. What can I make out of this? Made everything into a waste. Do you honestly believe there is a way out of this?"

"I...I don't know..."

"That is the reason why I should throw everything I still have away. It cannot get better from here. It will not get better from here."

"Don't say that. It's bound to get better --"

"No. Will not happen. I will not find a merchant girl to marry and make use of myself. Did not stop the evil. Did not catch my dreams. Failed Lisa and the graying man. Failed myself. Am a failure myself. Am useless. Life will not get better. Life is not worthwhile. I am a failure."

"But we were supposed to stick together."

"And you did not, Elizabeth."

"Sorry. It was so sudden. There was no warning."

"You believe an apology will fix this? You believe an apology will fix any of this? Have been sorry for myself for a long time now and nothing has changed. Have been waiting for a new chance to do and be something but that has not come. What can I do, Elizabeth? What can I do? Answer me. Please answer me."

Elizabeth stared at me and nothing else. She stood there like a statue with nothing but to stand indefinitely. Eyes wide and frozen. Answer was obvious: there was none.

"You stupid child..." I heard behind me. A familiar voice belonging to someone close to me, but who?

Turned around to see the world has become an endless black with the goddamn mirror right up to my face. Reflection in the mirror was not mine but of a familiar person wearing the dark colored hoodie of his. Could not make out his image fully due to the mirror's blurry glass, but can tell he was angry.

"You cannot seem to listen." His voice filled with anger and impatience as though this was not the first time he had said it. "You do a nice job talking big towards others but once you go on the defensive you become helpless. The only way to get out is to yell, run and hide. That is all you have done. Worst is that the only person to blame is yourself."

"The worst is not myself! It is everybody around me! They have pushed me to become like this! None of this is my fault! It is everybody around me!"

"You blamed the world for your problems and you forgot that it is ultimately you who is in charge of yourself. When a problem came upon you, you concluded that everybody else was in the wrong and never you. When things turned sour, you never thought you ought to do something about it yourself. Now you take pity on your own self and have become a pathetic and worthless human being, no better than others. Sure, the world is a tough and mean place, but it has always been the survival of the fittest. You have to get back up and keep moving when you are pushed down. But you did not want to do that, did you? You wanted the easy way out. Was not you who needed to change but the world, so you convinced yourself. And now you live an insignificant life built upon disposable days. Revolting, really. You lost the will to seek your own growth. You have latched on to a false hope of everything becoming better out of nowhere one day so you had an excuse to not make better of yourself. You really are the worst."

"...Get out of my goddamn face."

"So that is how it is, you goddamn child... Guess it shows that humans are an adaptable species even if one were to be stuck in a mess such as this..."

Then I woke up. Was back in my own room. Have already forgotten what I have experienced. What remained in my memory was a fantasy world, Elizabeth, Lisa, a graying man and the mirror. The goddamn mirror was back.

Shit is going to drive me off to the end if this keeps up.