reading fajr and thought to take a stroll in the lawn under the tranquil sky. She was alone in the big bungalow. In fact she had been since Manal's accident when everybody rushed off to the hospital without informing her. She felt little scared now, always sitting in the noiseless room. Only times she moved around was either to get food from the kitchen, do some of her daily chores and back and forth for the books.

Zoha never knew when Shehryaar arrived in the house and left. But she knew he did come home because of the car parked in the driveway. He did not talk to her personally since the last time. The distance between him and Zoha grew wider. They stayed little aloof.

In the silence, Zoha thought, did she do something wrong to Shehryaar. Had her actions or words hurt him. One night she saw him in the living area, lounging on the couch, flipping through channels. She stood at the stair, watching him, but he didn't know that she was there. He was so exhausted that he ended up sleeping there in an uncomfortable position. Zoha felt bad for him because he did so much for other and in return no one was there to care about him.

She was little surprised that a thought of sympathy for him crossed her mind. She always avoided him, afraid of being close. Then what was happening. Why was she feeling such way. Was she doing this because he loved her, or because she was forming feelings for him. It was as if she now realized what he felt. He did countless things for her. He supported her in the worst times. He chose her over everyone, even her mother. And overall gave her the respect she deserved.

It shocked Zoha. She was in debt of his generosity. She had no words to express what he meant for her. Without him she was nothing in this house. He was always there for her with light when she faced the darkness. Then how could she take him wrong. He wasn't like the other boys. He was unique and precious like rare gem. Nobody was what he was. His personality was charming. He sympathized with everyone.

************************

The car honked in the noon and Sajjid went to open it. Zoha glanced from her room window down at the driveway. She stood and watched. It was Shehryaar's silver car. He clambered out from driver's seat and Saliha stepped out from the other side. Zoha didn't know Manal was getting discharged today and they were coming home. Shehryaar pulled out the wheelchair from the trunk and protectively sat Manal in it. Manal made a face in pain as her leg was moved.

As she was properly placed in the wheelchair, Shehryaar closed the car door and drove Manal inside the house. Saliha followed them.

Zoha thought about going down since Manal was home. She climbed the stairs and paused half way. Nobody noticed her. She looked at Manal, fixed in the discomfort of the metal chair, hands resting on her lap while Shehryaar slowly drove her. Zoha wanted to go talk to her, ask her about how she was feeling, but thought maybe it wasn't the right time. She didn't know how Manal and especially Saliha would react. They had just entered. She could meet them later since they were going to be at home.

Shehryaar brought Manal to the living area and smiled at her.

"How do you feel to be back home?" he asked, stooping in front of her.

Zoha couldn't see Manal's face since her back was turned to her. Shehryaar was opposite of Manal.

"Acha," she sounded low, wandering her gaze around the house like she hadn't seen this place in ages.

"That's good," he replied. "Now everything is going to be alright."

"Will I be able to stand?" A sullen voice questioned.

Shehryaar's smile flipped in pursed lips. He looked down.

Saliha came around as Shehryaar didn't immediately respond.

"Of course, my sweetheart," she gave hope. "Doctors said that if you want you stand sooner than expected."

"Really?" She spoke calmly.

"Yes. Right, Shehryaar?" Saliha said, wearing an optimistic look.

Shehryaar resumed his gaze at Manal. "Yes. In fact doctors told me. If you stay more happy than it will affect your healthy in a positive manner."

Manal was quiet.

"Beta, do you want to go to the room or stay here?" Saliha said.

"I want to stay here with you," Manal said softly.

"Okay. Sure. Let me put my stuff in the room. I will be back. Bhai is here with you."

Before Saliha could see Zoha on the stairs, Zoha disappeared in her room.

The whole day, Zoha was packed in her room. She didn't know what to do. Should she go out or not. Her heart pounded whenever she thought about Saliha. What would she say. What was she thinking about Zoha. She blamed Zoha for Manal's condition.

Zoha sat on the bed, resting her chin on knees, worried. Her anxiety grew the more she thought. When it didn't help sitting and getting tangled in all sorts of idea, she got up and looked out the window. Then went to the bathroom to splash some water on her face to wash off the tension.

When she came out, she loosened her ponytail to fix her hair. If she didn't take this step then she wasn't able to do anything. So she had to. It didn't seem like Saliha would say something because she appeared relieved to bring Manal back home. What was more important for her than that.

Zoha fixed the dupatta on her shoulder and made herself presentable.

She swallowed the lump of anxiety in her throat and clasped the door knob. Opening it, she poked her head out and saw there was no one. Then stepped out of the room and closed the door.

She was on the stair, when she heard, "Zoha!" from the back.

She froze.

It was Shehryaar's voice.

Zoha turned around.

"Zoha, where were you?" he asked.

"Um... I was in my room."

"Do you even know Manal is back home?" He looked directly into her eyes.

"I do. I saw Manal." She tried looking away from him.

"Did you meet her?"

"No."

Shehryaar kept gazing at her like he was seeing her after a month. Zoha looked back at him. Then she turned when he didn't speak.

"Wait," he said.

Zoha faced him again, expecting him to say something important.

"Did you mind what happened?"

"About what?"

Shehryaar took a step closer to her. "That night."

Zoha was mortified. She didn't know if she should shake her head or nod. It was not a question about yes or no.

"Believe me I didn't mean for it to be that way," Shehryaar said. "I know you were going through a lot. I am sorry." He genuinely meant the apology.

"I..t..it's okay," Zoha mumbled. "Instead I should say sorry to you. It was my fault."

"It wasn't," he said.

Zoha was too overwhelmed. She couldn't meet her eyes with him.

"I don't want you to have a wrong image about me. Do you really think I am like that?"

Zoha looked up at him. "Why are you saying that? Do you think I think of you as a wrong person?"

"That's why I asked you. Do you?"

"I am feeling guilty that maybe what I said and the way I reacted had hurt you. But now I realized that you have done so much for me and even protected me. You are a generous person."

Shehryaar appeared surprised.

"You are not a wrong person," she added, looking in his eyes. "If you don't say that you forgive me because I hurt you then I will always live with this guilt."

"Zoha, I really like you. You never hurt me."

Zoha's chest thudded. Her arms felt weightless on her sides. This time she did believe that Shehryaar had feelings for her.

"When you are not there I feel like I am missing someone. The way I feel for you, I might not have felt that way for anyone else. If I have ever loved someone so much so it's you."

Zoha was speechless. She stood listening quietly.

"I will never leave you alone, no matter what," he said. "Promise."

Zoha didn't say a word. She couldn't bring her feelings to the tongue.

"Zoha, you are not alone. I am here for you."

Zoha didn't glance in his direction. She started heading towards her room that Shehryaar lightly grabbed her hand. Zoha felt goosebumps in her arm by his touch. Her heart beat quickened.

"Please," he said. "I want you to be happy."

Zoha tried to pull her hand from him. She looked down in slight shame. What if Saliha saw him holding her hand.

"Please leave my hand," she said.

Shehryaar's eyes were fixated on her.

"Please try to understand."

"Nothing will happen," he said.

"Why are you forgetting that Faiza is your fiancée. Our meeting like this is not right."

"I don't believe in that engagement." He pulled off his ring from the finger. "It doesn't mean anything to me." He showed her.

Zoha's eyes were wide from surprise. She didn't know it was that easy for him to do that.

"Aren't you scared?" she asked, disbelieved by his boldness.

"No," he instantly said.

"Aren't you betraying Faiza?"

"What kind of betrayal when I never accepted her in the first place. Why do you give so much respect to others when they only hurt you in return? Why do you do this?"

Zoha couldn't constitute an answer to that.

Shehryaar's face was thick with seriousness. "Tell me."

"You also think I am doing wrong?" Zoha said. "Is doing good to others a sin? Did dadi tell me the wrong thing to respect others?" Water dripped from her eyes.

"No. Of course not." Shehryaar grasped her lower shoulders. "You were not taught wrong. But not everyone deserves the same respect you give them. You are very innocent and I don't want anyone taking advantage of you." He was desperate.

Zoha just simply stared at him. She could feel her muscles convulse under her clasped shoulders.

"The way everyone treats you, it hurts me. I wish then that I can take you very faraway where no pain inflicts you."

"Why do you take things so easy like that?" Zoha said. "Even knowing that they can't happen?"

"I will not let this happen."

"What difference does it make?"

"It does make a difference. Love is not a small emotion. With the intensity hate exists, love is unlike its inferior intensity. Only people who try to understand it, they understand it, otherwise this emotion barely touches them."

"And every pain is not understood either. Do you really feel what I feel?"

"I feel you that's why I love you."

Zoha couldn't believe Shehryaar loved her so much that he felt what she felt. How was it possible for someone to be this close to her. All the desire to speak back was gone. She could feel no words in her mouth. Shehryaar won his speech.

It was twelve forty five and Zoha's eyes were wide open, lost in the thought. She was recumbent on her side, head perched on her hand. The silence was quite usual and she barely realized the loneliness. Her mind was caught up with the memory of Shehryaar. His confession of love made her nervous and scared. She tried to calm herself mentally. The circumstance in which it happened wasn't easy to face. Faiza was still his fiancée and this was all happening behind everyone's back.

Zoha wondered how would things turn out if Saliha or even Rubab discovered this truth. Would things change for the better or worse. Zoha knew things always flipped to disasters and she was targeted as the cause of them. Despair and sorrow was in her destiny. She was meant to suffer. And there was no doubt.

When at the moment she needed someone, there was no one with whom she could share her thoughts and feelings. If it was little earlier she could have called Hoorain, but she was most likely asleep. No need to bother her in the middle of the night. Zoha grabbed her phone from the bedside and checked her alarm for the fajr. It was set as usual. She put the phone back and turned on her side. The agitation couldn't allow her to fall into the state of peace. She rose up on the bed and breathed deeper like there was no oxygen. Her heart beat was up. She was anxious. The matter wasn't about the love, but more about the future it would lead to.

She laid back down, drew the comforter over and closed her eyes, forcing herself to throw away the negative feelings, squirming in her chest. It was difficult but she was slowly doing it. Hours of night's sleep would make it better.

The next afternoon around three when she returned home from college, she saw Manal in wheelchair in the living area. The tv was on, but figuring from her expression it seemed that she was just staring at the screen- bored and vulnerable.

Zoha slipped into her room without hinting her presence. She got fresh and decided to take a nap. Her whole night went half-sleeping and half in confusion- awake but not fully awake. When she woke up in the morning her headache made her feel dizzy. In spite of it, she built the strength to go to the college because her important assignment was due.

Just like the night, her day went okay too. She held her temples, wishing for early dismissal so she could rest. After waking up from the doze, Zoha went down in the evening. On the way she encountered Saliha. Zoha's mind began to fill with suspicions and doubts. She felt she was caught doing the wrong thing. But Saliha didn't know a thing. She was unaware. Without saying anything, Zoha lowered her gaze and headed to the lawn to review her notes in the open environment.

As she was studying, the image of Shehryaar knocked the door of her mind. Unintentionally, her focus was drifted away to him. She looked to see his car in the driveway. It was there which meant he was home, in his room.

A natural feeling rose in her to see him. His absence made her heart race. She put the folder against her chest and looked up at his window. He was not there. She immediately started thinking about him- what was he doing. Was he working. Was he dozing. Or was he thinking about her. She found herself ever more drawing closer to him. She realized that she was beginning to like him too.

❤️