The other girls in the changing room look at me carefully. But stay silent. A few began to open their mouths, attempting to comfort me. Before closing their mouths, unsure of what to say.

I sit there thinking to myself, letting the slow steady tears stream down my face. My mind repeats the words, over, and over.

I find myself the last one there, looking around the empty room. I wipe my eyes with the sleeves of my hoodie. I walk out of the changing rooms.

My eyes peer around the abandoned car park and my heart instantly sinks.

Bea was meant to be my ride home. And there was not one single soul here. The parking lot was desolate. It was dark. And it was cold.

I pull out my phone from my pocket, biting down hard on my lip. Feeling the metallic taste of blood is drawn from my attempt not to break down in tears again.

I press on Leroy's contact.

No answer.

Then Jacob's.

Voicemail.

I press my dad's contact. Drawing in a shaky breath.

Voicemail.

I groan in frustration and let out a few sobs. I slide down against the exterior wall of the changing sheds. I let out a heavy sigh and dial the final number I'm willing to dial.

"Hey, everything alright?" Seth's voice says as he picks up the phone.

"No," I say letting out a sob. Pulling in long raggedy breaths.

"Hey what's up?" He asks his voice low, threaded with concern.

"Can you come and get me? I'm still at school." I sobbed, wiping the tears off my face once again. Smearing what was left of my mascara.

"I'm on my way. Hang tight. Stay close to the buildings out of sight. If anyone comes call me and stay on the line with me ok?" Seth replies immediately, authority and concern sending a warm feeling over me. A sense of safety.

"Ok. Thank you." I whisper.

"Doesn't Bea normally take you home?" Seth asks as if piecing something together. I can hear his car keys jingle in the background.

"Yeah. We had a fight. She left." I murmured. I hear low cursing over the line.

"Ok, I'll call you when I get there. Call me if you need me." He replies after a moment of silence.

"Will do. Thank you." I croak, hanging up the phone.

I let my head drop back against the wall as I close my eyes ad let the tears cascade down my face.

Sure Bea and I had had fights. But they hadn't been like this.

After what feels like three seconds, my phone flashes bright with a name. Vibrating to indicate an incoming call.

"Hi." I gulp into the phone.

"I'm here." He says gently. I turn and see a car roll in between the two brick gates that mark the entrance to the school.

"I see you," I respond, walking over to the car, pulling open the passenger door and hanging up the phone.

"Hi." He comforts, giving me a sad smile. I return it with barely a smile of my own.

I flop into the seat and rest my head against the headrest. Tears streaming down my face.

Each time I replay the conversation in my head, the pain replays. Like a fresh hit each time.

Seth watches me carefully before he takes my hand and squeezes it softly. I smile at him gratefully and wipe away my tears with my other hand.

He starts driving, still holding my hand softly. I zone out so that the street lights become a blurred mess in my eyes, thinking about everything Bea said.

It's true. I had been a shit friend lately. I really wasn't a good person. No one needed me. Seth was pitying me. My father was forced to care for me. My brothers and Molly too. My mom was meant to. But apparently, she didn't get the memo. Mia hates me. Hell, half the school despises me.

"I'm not leaving you alone tonight," Seth says glancing at me quickly before returning his eyes to the road.

"Why not. I'll be fine." I say gently.

"Just to be safe. I know what's going on in your mind. I live it as well." He says squeezing my hand slightly.

"You don't have to pity me you know," I stated blandly.

Seth's eyes narrow. His jaw setting.

"I don't pity you, Lace. Not at all. I care about you. You've been around my whole life and you bring everyone who knows you so much happiness. Hell, you make me happy. You make me laugh. Do you know how often that happens?" He asks me passionately.

I shake my head.

"Not often. At all." He says softly. "So. I'm staying with you tonight." He says.

I let out a sob and cover my mouth.

"Hey hey hey it's ok." He says running his thumb along my hand gently, looking between me and the road.

"I'm sorry," I say wiping away the tears. And taking a deep breath in.

"There's nothing to be sorry about." He says gently. "Where am I taking you?" He asks.

"Home," I say hesitantly. He nods and turns down my drive. Before parking his car and hopping out. I take my cheer bag out of the car and carry it inside. I pull open the door and drop it by the shoe rack.

"Lacey is that you?" My dad yells from the kitchen.

"Yeah, dad it's me," I call back leading Seth into the kitchen.

"Heya Munch." He says hugging me and then looking at my tear-streaked face.

"You ok?" He asks. I just nod.

"Hey Seth, Lacey," Molly calls down the stairs from her room.

"Hi Molly," I call back trying to sound ok.

"Hey, Molly," Seth replies.

"Is it alright if Seth stays tonight?" I say gesturing behind me to where Seth is.

"Hey, Seth." My dad says giving him a friendly nod.

"Hey, Grant," Seth replies returning the nod and shoving his hands into his pocket.

"What's the occasion?" My dad asks Seth and me.

"Rough day," I say to dad giving him a sad nod. He freezes before giving me a sad smile.

"That'd be ok." He says softly.

"Where's Leroy and Jacob? And mom?" I ask dad.

"They're currently at the Nixons. They're helping Trina bring over the roast beef. We're having dinner with the Nixons while Leroy and Jacob are here." My dad says.

I look at Seth my eyes full of panic. He takes my hand and squeezes it gently.

"It'll be okay. Bea might not even come." Seth says softly.

"Why wouldn't Bea come?" My dad asks confused, glancing at Seth and I's hand. Ignoring it.

"We had a fight," I admitted sadly.

"And she left Lacey at school without a ride," Seth says gritting his teeth. His jaw tense.

I hear the front door open and my heart starts racing.

I hear the chill of voices nearing the kitchen.

In comes Leroy, Jacob, My mom, Trina, Bradley and.. Bea.

This night was going to be chaos.

I could barely be in the same room with my mom and now Bea as well.

"Hey Seth what are you doing here?" Trina asks kissing the side of his head.

"Just dropping Lace home seen as someone else forgot to do so," Seth says throwing Bea a glare, his face dark. I squeeze his hand gently reminding him to stay calm. He squeezes back reassuringly before I let go of his hand, so no one saw our hands and an argument flared up.

Mainly so Bea didn't see. Leroy and Jacob as well.

All chaos I really did not need right now.

"Hey Seth man. Long time no see dude." Leroy says doing the bro hug thing as Seth stands up.

"You too, Leroy," Seth replies.

"Hey Seth," Jacob says doing the bro shake thing.

"Hey Jacob," Seth replies warmly.

"You alright Lacey?" Leroy asks catching a glimpse of my tear stricken face.

"Yep I'm fine," I say curtly before standing and walking out of the room.

I really couldn't face anyone right now. I was angry at Bea, sad, overwhelmed. I couldn't look at my mom. My heart was heavy, my stomach was beyond churning, my chest felt like it was being stabbed constantly with a knife.

"What's her deal?" Jacob asks. As I leave the room. Their voices fading away as I get nearer to the stairs.

I climb up the stairs and down the hall meeting Molly who's making her way downstairs. No doubt to enjoy the company of the others.

"Hey you alright?" Molly asks me as I go to move past her.

"I'm good. Just a rough day. Everyones downstairs." I say pushing open my door and closing it behind me.

I flop onto my bed and bury my self in to the abandoned folds of my duvet.

Looking up at the sky through my high arching window, tears filling my eyes. I don't try and hold them back. You'd think I would have run out of tears by now?

Nope.

My room is quite large. My bed is in a nook in the centre of one wall. Either end of my bed are shelves that reach the ceiling, they're like a wall each end of my bed. One edge of my bed is shoved against the wide windowsill of my massive window. While the other side is the opening. I have an ensuite and a walk-in wardrobe. Which is pretty lucky.

This room used to be Jacob's, Leroy had the opposing room opposite me is now Molly's. She used to have the now guest room downstairs near mom and dad's room.

I hear a light knock and I turn and see the door swing open, with Trina standing in the doorway.

"Hey love." She says gently.

"Hi Trina," I say with a small smile wiping away the tears from my eyes.

"May I sit?" She asks gesturing to the space beside me in my bed. I nod.

"What's up?" She asks me slipping in to the covers next to me.

"Bea and I had a fight," I say simply.

"Usually you two laugh it off afterwards?" Trina says thoughtfully.

"This one was about Seth, which led to me realising how much of a shit friend I truly am," I say softly.

"You are not a bad friend," Trina says wiping away the tears from my eyes. "Love comes from what you are able to give after you have filled your own cup. Right now I think, you're struggling to fill it, and Bea doesn't understand that right now," Trina says gently.

"I never talk to her. I haven't even told her about my mental health." I say my voice breaking slightly.

"That takes time. I know there are reasons for that. Maybe Bea feels like she isn't there for you because you don't let her in. She doesn't feel like she's supporting you like you support her. Even though I'm sure she is. She might not feel that way." Trina says wisely.

I stay silent. Taking in the wise words Trina says.

There's a knock at the door I turn and see Leroy standing there.

"Dinner's ready." He says. I climb out of bed after Trina, making a pit stop to the bathroom to wash my face.

Before making my way downstairs. My heart sinking with each step.

Bea doesn't even look up as I enter. She just keeps talking to her dad. Seth's head snaps up his face angry, yet soft when he looks at me, seeing I'm ok.

I slide in to the seat across from him and in between Leroy and Jacob and give him an 'I'm ok' smile.

"This smells delicious Trina," Jacob says dishing up some roasties on to his plate. I scoop some peas on to my plate and a few pieces of sweet potato.

Not really having much of an appetite.

My stomach an angry marsh of anxiety.

"Trina your cooking is my saviour," Molly says with a chuckle.

"Is that all your eating?" Seth asks me a concerned look on his face.

"Sore stomach," I say shrugging putting a large chunk of sweet potato on to my fork and nibbling away at it gently.

He gives me a look so I scoop on some more sweet potato and he nods at me. I keep nibbling at the potato on my fork and listen in to the conversation around me.

"So you've both got girlfriends then?" Bradley asks cutting up some of his roast beef and putting it in to his mouth, doused in gravy.

"Yup. Her names Jessica. And Leroys dating a girl named Kelsey." Jacob says with a proud grin.

"Lacey could you please stop sniffing your nose so obnoxiously. Use a tissue maybe?" My mom asks me curtly, her voice sharp.

I drop my fork on to my plate.

Everyone jumps with the loud clatter.

"Oh I'm sorry mom. Maybe if I hadn't been left out in the cold without a ride home maybe I could stop sniffing." I say throwing an accusing glare at Bea.

"Hold on I'm not the one who.." Bea starts.

"Bea shut the fuck up." Seth cuts her off angrily, throwing her a glare that I would not want to be on the receiving end of.

"Seth quite frankly this is none of your business," Bea says replying with a glare of her own.

"Kids.." Bradley says warningly.

"No Dad. Bea should not have left Lace without a ride home when it's dark. Whether they had a fight or not. And Bea yes it is my business when I go to pick up Lacey and she's beside herself because you were too fucking petty to take her home." Seth says his voice raising slightly.

"Maybe if you two would stop sleeping together then that fight would have never happened," Bea says.

"You two are sleeping together?" "What?" "Seth Nixon if you laid a hand on my sister."

There's a chorus of entangles sentences. That I ignore. My own anger raging inside me.

"Oh my god. You are so set on me being sleeping with your brother aren't you. News flash Beatrice I have respect for you, and for Seth. Seth and I haven't slept together. For the last fucking time." I say aggressively throwing my words out.

Bea stays quiet.

"And mom. So help me god. You can't not speak to me for days then suddenly decide to make a comment on a fucking sniffle that came about because my supposedly best friend abandoned me and I've been crying. If you cared to notice. Maybe.. just maybe I need you to look past your pride and see that there are things that matter more than a sniffle." I yell standing up and beginning to turn before hesitating turning back to her.

"Do you know- Nevermind" I say slamming my napkin on to the table and turning towards the front door to leave.

I pull open the door and slam it shut and start running. I hear the door behind me and I kick up speed.

"Lace. Wait up." Seth's voice calls. I slow to a walk, thankful it's him and not anyone else, as he slows to a walk beside me.

Tears threaten to envelop my face for what feels like the three thousandth time today. Seth's shoulder brushes mine as we walk. Towards my spot. Quiet stretching out between us. Not cold, but understanding. His company alone making me feel more comfortable.

But it doesn't take away the hurt.

I try distract myself, thinking about the moment on the field when we were play-fighting. Before it was ruined, before reality kicked in. Tears push past the brim of my eyelid, down my face, a reminder of the pain inside that threatens to swallow me whole.

I wish it would. I wish I'd grabbed those pills from under my bed. Taken them while I had the chance. I let go of Seth's hand as I squeeze through the bushes and hear him follow. I make my way over to the tree and I fall against it sliding to the ground. Pulling my knees in to my chest.

My tears subsiding in to nothingness.

Empty ness.

Numbness.

Yet pain still screaming loud and clear inside me.

Seth takes a seat next to me and wraps an arm around me. I snuggle in to him placing my head on his chest.

"You can't leave me," Seth says. I stay quiet. "Lace I need you to promise me you won't leave me here." Seth pleads stroking my hair gently.

"I can't promise that," I say quietly my voice catching.

"Seth I've been fighting. For a long long time. It causes me so much energy to wake up in the mornings." I choke out. While trying to hold in the sobs that scream to be let out of their dark cage.

"I know. I understand that feeling I do." Seth asks caressing my face softly.

"I need help. I can't stay like this. I need a lot of drugs or help or whatever they can offer me. And fuck that's not even going to work, there's not really any use in it you know?" I say gently.

"It will work, enough. Until you are able to discover what work's to keep you healthy." Seth says pressing his lips to my forehead and hugging me close. I curl up in to him and think about what I just said.

I just agreed to fight.

When I was already so tired.

Of fighting. Of living. Of hurting.

I agreed to fight.

We lie there silently for hours. My brain ticking over and over. My anxiety about what I had just suggested settling in.

"We should head back. My mom has been ringing me." Seth says softly next to my ear.

I nod and stand up making my way out of the tunnel in the bushes.

I walk slowly towards my house, Seth walks besides me his shoulders brushing with my own. The closer I get to my house the slower I walk. My feet dragging against the crisp pavement.

I really didn't want to do this. I didn't want to do anything. I didn't want to exist.

I stop outside the door and take a few deep breaths in. Seth grabs my hand and squeezes it tightly giving me reassurance I give him a small smile as I push the door open. Walking inside.

Leroy, Molly and Jacob are washing the dishes.

Bradley and Trina are sitting talking to Bea at the bench. My parents are no where to be found.

"Hey Lacey you okay?" Leroy asks me wrapping me up in a bear hug.

"I will be," I say sadly. Before Jacob hugs me and kisses the top of my head supportingly. Molly gives me a tight hug.

"Lacey can you and I go talk?" Bea asks me.

I nod.

"Yeah I think we should. First where are my parents?" I ask looking around the room with a sniff.

"They went for a drive. They're arguing." Trina informs me gently putting a hand on my shoulder softly.

"Oh," I say. Before turning towards Bea and gesturing for her and I to go outside. For a walk.

I pull open the door and hold it open for Bea who goes through it. We fall in to step together as we head in the direction of her house.

"I'm really sorry." She says as I open my mouth to apologise. "I was so blinded by the fact that I was so sure to and Seth were or had slept together behind my back and I just, it made me so blinded with anger I turned my perspective on you completely on its head. You are not a self righteous bitch your actually one of the most selfless people that I know and your so supportive. I'm so so sorry about leaving you at the school I completely forgot I was even meant to take you home I was just so angry. It's unfair of me to ask to be forgiven but will you forgive me?" She rambles emotion surging through her voice.

"Yes. Of course I forgive you Bea. I will always forgive you." I say hugging her tightly. "I'm also sorry. I haven't exactly been open and honest to you a lot and I know I keep all of my emotions to myself." I say softly.

"It's ok. I understand." She says gently as she pulls open her door. We climb the stairs and make our way down her hallway, in to her room.

"It's not ok. I need to tell you something. Something important and I don't want you to treat me any different after I tell you." I say slipping in to bed on my usual side, propping my head up with pillows. The silky covers of her bed engulfing my cold skin, cool from the constant touch of night air.

"I won't. You know I won't" She says softly. Slipping in besides me facing me slightly, her head propped up on the pillows as well.

"I have depression and anxiety." I say wincing slightly.

Everyone knows.

It's relieving almost.

But worrying.

If everyone at school finds out I'm doomed.

"I'm so sorry. You do not deserve that I'm sorry I haven't noticed." Bea says rapidly.

"Bea. It's fine I'm good at hiding it but there's more." I say slowly.

"Ok I'm listening." She says quietly. Cautiously.