I lay curled up in Seth's arms, his hands trailing little stars on my back. I traced the contours of his chest.

I knew we had to talk about this. We needed to explain everything, lay it all on the table. Get on the same page. We couldn't just ignore it.

"We need to talk about it." I say, breaking the soft silence.

"I know." Seth says after a small breath. I sit up, folding my legs and facing him. While Seth propped himself up against the pillows, his hand resting on my leg.

"Why?" I ask him my voice coming out as a whisper. Asking why he ended the relationship. Unable to ask the full question for fear of crying.

"Everything. My anxiety, your well-being, my well-being, our relationship, jealousy. Everything just came crashing down around me, and it seemed like the only viable option." Seth says slowly, his eyes closing.

"I think, I knew you didn't cheat on me. I just needed something, to push myself away from you because I know how bad I am for you." Seth finishes. I close my eyes briefly. Taking in everything he is saying.

"You're not bad for me. You help me realise things about myself. We still have to learn to have a reason to live, one that isn't each other. Because it could be taken away at any time. Just like this, we've seen how badly I coped with the breakup. I don't know about you? How did you cope?" I ask him, realising I hadn't made any clear observations.

"I shut off. And I worked out a lot. If I wasn't at soccer then I was at the gym, otherwise I was in the dorm. Josh practically had to mother me the entire time." Seth admits, dropping his head as if he was ashamed.

"Hayley did the same for me." I reply quietly, playing with the hem of my pyjama shorts.

"What are we doing? We can't rely on each other for needing to stay alive. We shouldn't have to rely on each other for happiness." Seth says, wincing to himself. I nodded at the realistic point he was bringing into the table.

We couldn't live how we were living. There had to be some changes made. This showed us how worse off we were. We needed to focus on ourselves instead of just each other. But we knew we wanted to be with each other. We just needed to learn to cope better.

First. Or while?

"So.. what does that mean for us?" I ask him, hopefully.

"There's kind of two options. I think you've figured them out for yourself." Seth says with a slow nod, tracing a small star on my knee.

"We could be casually together?" I suggest, hope threading through my voice.

"I don't think things could ever be casual between us Lace." Seth says giving me a longing look.

"I don't want to not be with you." I say as tears make my way to my eyes.

"Me neither." Seth says, shaking his head.

"So what? Therapy back in New Orleans? Then what. Obviously you'll be in the dorms, I'll be in the apartment. That's good. Maybe you can't stay the night as often. We have to have at least two days a week without seeing each other." I ramble, my mind bouncing from solution to solution.

"Two days?" Seth says with a wince.

"Oh we can make it three if you really want." I retort sarcastically. "What do you suggest?" I ask him, taking a piece of hair from his face and tucking it behind his ear.

"No, I like your idea. Rules I think, would be good." He says with a soft smile.

"So.. does that mean..." I say hopefully.

"Lace, will you be my girlfriend again." Seth asks, with a small smile.

"Mmm nah I think we should take a break." I say, deadpanning. Seth's face drops and I let out a small laugh.

"That's not funny. This is a serious conversation." Seth says pulling me onto his lap via my legs.

"Your face." I reply with a laugh. Seth rolls his eyes and his hands launch at me, tickling me. I let out a squeal and attempt to bat him off.

"It's very pretty I know." Seth says with a small hair flip, before he rolls over on top of me. Pinning me down so he can tickle me without getting batted at.

"Seth Tate Nixon. Get the fuck off me." I squeal as I drag in sharp breaths in between laughing.

"Fucking hell I missed you." Seth says stopping, looking down at me, unpinning my arms. I roll my eyes.

"It's hard not to, to be honest." I say with a cocky smirk.

Seth grins down at me, his eyes searching my face.

"I missed you." I say with a small smile.

"Gosh, so kind to me." Seth says with a chuckle. I roll my eyes and pull him down towards me, for a long lingering kiss.

And we weren't okay. But we had the start of a plan. A plan that we would fight for. A relationship we were both going to fight for. And that was enough.