...why...

Why do I feel so scared?

She's not here right now..

So why do I feel like I'm about to die?

I took a shaky breath as I sat on the bathroom floor. I didn't know why I felt so scared. My heartbeat raced, my palms grew sweaty and I took ragged quick breaths. After Jill left I excused myself to the bathroom..

Jill..ugh.

That stupid girl.

From day 1 she stalked me. She was a pain in the neck.

She would never leave me alone. Even when I said for her to leave me alone.

______________________________

"Leave me alone!" I said as Jill cornered me to a wall. "no! I wanna slit your pretty neck" she poked at my throat with her scissors and I grabbed it, "No."

Jill pouted, "Aw come on my little white knight! Were gonna date in the future anyway!" she grinned. "No we are not. I despise you." I glared. Jill drooled a little and giggled. "come onnn~ you love me" she traced her scissor on my throat as if finding the best place to stab. "no. now leave. your invading my personal space" I backed away. She walked forward, "awww come on now, you don't want to make me a-"

"uh what are you guys doing?"

We looked back and saw Makoto looking very awkward. "My white knight is seducing me!" Jill grinned. "No I'm not!" I said. Makoto nodded and walked over to us, "Jill maybe you should leave him alone" he said as bravely as he could. Which wasn't much but close enough. "No!" she hissed. Makoto sighed and grabbed her hand to stop choking me with her scissors. "He doesn't like you. Maybe you should get someone else." he said awkwardly

"whatev" Jill let go of me and I exhaled. She started skipping out the door but left these words hanging in the air.

"I'll always find you my white knight!"

_____________________________________

Because of her I always look over my shoulder before doing stuff.

Why can't she just leave me alone?

A choked sob came out of me and I then realized I was crying. I hesitantly put my hand up to my face. Tears were running down my cheeks and falling on the ground. I was rather surprised. I barely cried. The last time I cried was when Makoto got executed.Crying was frowned upon in my family. They think it's a weakness to cry. My father and siblings told me to stop crying and suck it up. That I'm not being a man and that if I cry I'm not going to get anywhere into this world.

Their still right. I tried to wipe away my tears but they didn't stop. I sighed and just curled into a ball.

Why am I so weak?

Am I that weak?

People have said I was weak.

Mostly my siblings I guess.

They were mean to me the most. Probably because I was the youngest male. They always seemed to hate me. They said that I would never win at anything in life. I proved them wrong. Whenever I told my father he always said that I was being to sensitive and that's just how life works. I should just suck it up.

____________________________________

"...father. My siblings are being mean to me" I said to him.

My father sighed and glared at me, "What does that have to do with me?" he said in a cold tone.

I winced, "can you tell them to stop?" I asked.

My father sneered, "You'll have to deal with it. You're being to sensitive. Don't be such a baby" he went back to signing some papers. I gave up and walked out of the room.

Before I knew it I was being dragged by one of my siblings. "Ow! Hey!" I exclaimed as my brother dragged me by the collar. "You had to be such a baby that you told on us?!" he glared down at me. "Leave me alone" I mumbled. "What'd you say? I couldn't hear you, you baby" my brother glared. I whimpered and backed away, "just leave me alone"

"Consider some advice"

"You're never gonna survive in life if you keep acting like this"

with those last words he let go of my collar and walked away.

______________________________________

Lets just say I stopped acting like that. It wasn't hard. All I had to do was bottle up my feelings inside.

Apparently they exploded.

knock knock

"ngh!-" I had my back against the door and I didn't realize someone knocked. "uh yes?" I said hesitantly. "Byakuya? Are you okay? You've been in the bathroom for 15 minutes" Makoto said from outside the door.

Damn it-

"Oh-uh..." I trailed off crying. "Byakuya? Are you crying?" Makoto asked sounding concerned. "N-no i'm not" I wiped my tears away but they kept coming back.

"I sincerely doubt it" Makoto said. "right..." I sniffed. "Byakuya you can tell me what's wrong" Makoto said from outside the door. "I'm f...fine" I put my head in my knees. "Can you open the door at least?" Makoto asked. I tried to speak but it mostly came out in sobs.

I moved away from the door and Makoto opened it, walking in. He looked pretty worried and when he saw me, he closed the door and sat down next to me. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" he asked. "I..." another choked sob came out of me.

"Hey it's fine. Take your time" Makoto wrapped his arms around me. I leaned into the touch and cried a little. This never happened. Never. Ever.

"I...Im s-sorry" I mumbled. "For what? You're not doing anything" Makoto said softly. "Just bothering y-you and being weak" I said. This is so out of character for me, I hate it.

"Huh? you're not weak or bothering me" Makoto said. "I'm not?" I looked up at him. He smiled softly and stroked my hair, "yeah. It's totally fine to cry once in a while. When was the last time before the killing game?" he asked me. "when I was 8" I mumbled. "oh wow-" he said. "mhm. my family thought crying was a weakness, and I-I guess the idea was drilled into my head" I said.

"Wow then their dumbasses" he said. "wha- I wouldn't say that" I stared at him. "Well I would" Makoto continued hugging me. "...whatever" I mumbled quietly as I hugged back. "hey. Your not a bother" he said softly. "That makes me feel more relaxed. Thanks" I exhaled.

"you're welcome"

"T-thanks"

"ahaha you're welcome. If you want you can come to me when your feeling sad"

"I...would like that"