"This has been a great year so far," I smiled, speaking to the men that were trying their best not to kill me. "May the gods bless us with prosperity and wealth!"

While I held the wine vessel in front of myself, I tried my best not to laugh. The silence was incredible. After the concubines had performed, I assumed everything would go well.

It didn't.

These people were the hardest to impress. I needed to get them on my side or I won't be able to make it to three months. The only way I can do this was to let them know I wasn't a threat. But how do you tell the truth to small-minded people?

I wondered that as well. They spoke freely to the Emperor but ignored me as if I wasn't there. It shouldn't faze me. I didn't want to care if they liked me or not, but I had to keep this position. To maintain this position, was a life or death situation at this point. Anyone can conspire against me, and anyone can try to kill me.

The second prince was sitting near the Emperor. He cleared his throat uncomfortably as he avoided my look. He didn't look like the Emperor because his mother was an Imperial Noble Consort. I've never seen him because he resided in the capital.

I felt like I was talking to a brick wall whenever I spoke.

After being clearly avoided by them, I chose to take it up a notch.

"I know you all may not like me," I spoke, scanning across the room for more blank expressions.

This time, they immediately looked up at me. Their eyes widened, some whispered to each other. The reaction wasn't what I expected, but neither did I care. They ate well, they had entertainment, and they drank the finest wine in the nation.

They must comply.

"Some of you may assume I'm rather... outspoken. Which is true," I nodded in agreement, still holding the vessel next to me. I tried my best to avoid the stare the Emperor was giving me. "Some of you, gentlemen, have quite the assumptions about me."

They watched me. The room was silent, more silent as it was whenever I tried to say something witty or interesting to them.

I shook my head, smiling slightly as I looked down. "I love the great Wang dynasty as much as you do. I don't ever want to overthrow His Majesty or help another man usurp the throne... Or anything else you assume I'll do."

All gaping at me now. I frowned, before looking at them while maintaining eye contact with different individuals. The second prince had his eyebrows raised.

"It's quite flattering, actually. To assume that as a woman, I have the strength to do all of those things," I slightly chuckled. I nervously placed my vessel down, not knowing what to do with my hands now. "You can say all these things you want about me, but would a woman who was conspiring against the Emperor, address it in front of you all, gentlemen?"

They shook their heads.

In my peripheral vision, I saw the Emperor leaning back against his throne. He had an eyebrow raised. His small smirk let me know that I wasn't going to get my head cut off at the end of this banquet.

This wasn't the first time he saw me like this anyway. How many times have I stood up for myself?

Quickly, I took the half-filled wine vessel and extended it out in front of me. I gave the Emperor a reassuring grin before turning my attention back to the officials. "How about a toast, to the Emperor and to the great men who serve for this dynasty?"

Some hesitated to take their vessel, but I respected the handful that raised it. I remained the stupid grin on my face. The Emperor had no hesitation to hold the vessel in front of him as well. The ones who were reluctant looked around. Due to peer pressure, they followed.

We had a quick toast. The atmosphere of the room was more enjoying to stay in. I talked to them as if they were anyone else. They talked to me respectfully. I know there may still be hostility between us, but during this evening, I have lightened the darkness.

The second prince set his vessel down and looked at me. "Empress, how are you so resilient?"

"I don't understand," I chuckled.

"Prince Jing was very awed by you," the second prince flashed a toothy grin, then nodding at the Emperor. "Your Majesty, he truly was! I believe the Empress could be an Imperial guard if she wanted to."

He laughed whole-heartedly, but the Emperor didn't seem to be amused. I smiled nervously but ignored the second prince afterwards. He was cheerful, but I was still convinced that he wasn't genuine. Even if he was, I would never know. I don't know what he was trying to do, but I didn't like it.

To my dismay, the officials kept their mouths shut, smiling along. No words, no reactions, just trying their best to remain neutral.

The important thing was establishing a slight connection with the officials. They had to understand that I respect the Emperor as much as they do. I was transparent about my motives. Unfortunately, I couldn't make them like me enough to not have suspicions about me. I was no longer a threat to them, but they were still a threat to me.

I wasn't the only person who was concerned for my life.

Back at my estate, I spilled all the details about the banquet.

Fen Ai was gentle with me. I spent the rest of the day sitting with my thoughts running around in my head. While doing so, she poured me another cup of warm water. She took the lid off and rested it to the side of the cup. "Your Majesty, I don't mean to be impolite, but don't you think this may irritate the officials even more?"

"I don't know," I responded earnestly. My elbows were on the table. I rested my chin on the back of my hand while fiddling with the lid. "They seemed genuine in their reactions. All I want is for them to understand that I am not an evil person."

Hua Er pressed her lips into a thin light. "They will understand! At least you have tried to prove yourself to them. If they continue to oppose you, they will oppose His Majesty further."

"That's what I'm afraid of... I don't want to tarnish His Majesty's reputation." I responded. To avoid eye contact, I took the cup between my hands and sipped.

It was true. If the officials still disliked me, it would affect the Emperor. I didn't only care for my wellbeing, I cared for the Emperor's as well. I'll lay low after this but I can't guarantee I won't start something. My head hurt even thinking about it. I didn't think I'd have to stress over things like this as an empress.

There was truly never a peaceful time I had as of now and I was starting to get irritated. The officials were on my side, I believe. To be fair, if I was ever demoted to Imperial Noble Consort again, I'd befriend Chang Ying. I still, unfortunately, don't have enough hatred for her to want to never talk to her ever in my life.

But the guilt of knowing about Wan Er's son's death was still stressing me out. The Emperor didn't know. That was the worst thing I could ever do to him.

I was about to burst and fall like a hot-air-balloon. I tried to remind myself that the conflict with the aristocrats was not a big deal. The thought of Chang Ying getting away with the death of the Emperor's son was something that lingered at the back of my mind.

"You won't tarnish His Majesty's reputation," Blue spoke in the distance. She walked towards me, looking at me with hope in her eyes. "They'll try and convince the Emperor, but His Majesty will not break. Empress, don't overthink too much."

Although I wanted to say something back, I knew I couldn't. I was also way too tired to argue.

While I took several sips of warm water, I closed my eyes and leaned back to let the warmth stay in my body. Today was a chilly summer day. I didn't enjoy the humid, sticky weather but I did miss the sunlight.

Footsteps were coming closer to the room.

"Empress," Li Shu whispered, bowing as I slightly opened my eyes.

I let out a loud, childish groan. "What now?"

"The Empress Dowager wants to see you," Li Shu replied, he smiled apologetically. The minor wrinkles on his skin appeared whenever he smiled.

But the smile lasted and he immediately looked serious. I knew this wasn't going to be good. Even though I was the Empress, the Empress Dowager had more power than me. I stood up from my seat and followed him out.

The Emperor's mother has been quiet. Well, not quiet, but reserved. I haven't spoken to her for a very long time after my 'coronation' and I chose to keep it that way. Honestly, I was slightly afraid of her. I wasn't as afraid of the Emperor as I was afraid of her. It was like meeting your boyfriend's parents for the first time, but over and over again.

You'll feel nervous and try to act nicer than you usually act. The Empress Dowager was technically my mother-in-law and I had to try my best to be on my best behaviour. I saved her from the assassins but she still set up walls.

When I arrived inside her palace, I greeted her with more enthusiasm than I greet the Emperor.

"Greetings to the Empress Dowager," I bowed, smiling until the corner of my lips hit my cheeks.

The Empress Dowager stood for a moment before holding her hand out. "At ease."

"Thank you, Mother." I kept my posture straight and continued my extremely fake smile. We had no tension between us but I always felt like I had to act my best around her.

She coldly stared at me. "Empress, I need you to stop interfering with the officials and trying to gain their approval."

Wow. Blunt.

Just like the Emperor.

Her purple and gold hanfu matched her greying hair. Even though she was ageing, she looked beautiful. The Empress Dowager held a high position and looked very authoritative. This may be why I didn't lash out at her.

She was also not afraid to punish me. I learned from when I kneeled for a very long time. Oh, I remember it so clearly... Jaxon was there with me.

"I apologize, Mother, but all I wanted was their approval," I bowed again, this time, not looking up.

She exhaled harshly and turned her face away from me. I knew she thought what I did was distasteful, but she was a little bit insensitive for not understanding this struggle. The Empress Dowager was definitely from a very noble family. I suppose her father was a general or another big figure.

In this case, she had no right to tell me what I should or shouldn't do. She's never been in my shoes.

I stopped my inner voice and waited for her to walk back to her throne. Her maids held her as she walked up. Usually, her maids would tend to her, but this time, she required even more help.

Once she settled, she spoke, "Empress, you are too open. I don't understand why you let their criticism have a hold on you."

"Even I am suspicious about your motives because I don't quite understand why you are acting like this," the Empress Dowager shook her head before letting out a loud cough.

I slightly jumped.

Suspicious? This was the first time she has ever called me out. I was speechless. I didn't know how to reply to her or how to continue the conversation. The Empress Dowager spoke confidently. She didn't raise her voice at all.

The Empress tried to get her words out but the coughing wouldn't stop.

I quickly looked up. "Your Majesty, are you alright?"

She let out a couple of more loud coughs. Her maids patted her back and offered her water, which she accepted silently. Evidently, she wasn't in good condition to be able to talk to me. If she had a cold, I'd rather her not talk to me at all.

"Yes, I am fine," she took a few gulps of water and focused her eyes on me. "Like what I was saying previously, I am skeptical of your behaviour."

"Being a woman is difficult because they assume you're scheming against them," I retorted, trying my best not to give her attitude. It didn't work. "They only assume this because you're capable of handling your own things and that you are intelligent."

I smiled at her. "Mother, haven't you felt the same? You handle political affairs sometimes, don't you ever get this feeling that they don't want to see it happen?"

I wasn't entirely mad, just disappointed that I wouldn't get her approval. If I couldn't get her approval, then I'd hope she would have my back if things went wrong. That was the least she could do.

Or maybe I just think too highly of the people around me. I expected Chang Ying to help me whenever I needed it, which she did. Little did I know, Chang Ying was using me. I should've known. Perhaps Su Yin was the only person she truly did like.

I thought about the times the three of us had together. Everything was fine, everything was well. At that time, sometimes going back home didn't cross my mind that much. It was fun to belong to a different era. Now that I know that I was going to endanger myself, I wish I could go back home.

Whatever. I didn't need people. My dependency on people disgusted me.

"I agree, I have been discredited," the Empress Dowager began. She took a pause and coughed. "But I never meddled with politics when I was Empress. I handled the harem, and that was it."

The Empress Dowager gave me a crooked smile. "You must know your place as the head of the harem, Empress..."

I didn't want to argue with her, but I know in my heart that I wasn't going to do what I was told to do.

If the Emperor's mother is against me, then I'll have to convince someone else in relation to the Emperor.

Assuming the hate towards me had died down, I was taking a major risk. The Emperor rested on his seat while I practiced on the guqin. I knew I wasn't the best at it but he didn't acknowledge that. We sat in silence. The melody of the string instrument played in the background.

When the Emperor was relaxed, I paused. My hands settled aside from the instrument and I stood up to walk towards the Emperor. What I was up against, was not the Emperor himself, but the state officials that might have something to say.

"Your Majesty," I cooed, bringing myself to the seat next to him. His eyes trailed up to my eyes. Leaning to the side of the throne, he softly smiled at my presence. "Did you like what I played? It wasn't as good because I haven't played for a very long time."

The Emperor chuckled. "It was quite rough, but I enjoyed it because you played it."

"Your Majesty, you are so rude to me!" I shrieked, opening my mouth wide to gasp, then laughing with him.

His merry smile was contagious. As our laughter died down, I sat comfortably in my seat before speaking. He was flushed. The Emperor laid with softened eyes and a slight smile on his face.

"Your Majesty, I was thinking about Hua Yang today," my smile slowly faded. "I pity her for not being able to become a physician."

While I pretended to look off into the distance, I watched the Emperor through my peripheral vision. He sat up promptly. The Emperor leaned himself against the armrest near me. His eyes curiously searched for my intent.

"Yes, Hua Yang has been practising medicine for a while now," the Emperor spoke. "After moving back to the Palace, she is working with the Imperial physicians."

I nodded, turning to look at him. "Working with, Your Majesty... She is not one."

The fact that I was freestyling this was starting to get me anxious. I don't know whether the Emperor will oppose this idea or take it to the officials. The officials are definitely going to criticize this idea.

Hua Yang was with me. I know she was. I still don't trust anyone, but I felt comfort in knowing that Hua Yang would have my back. If she didn't, I didn't care. Today, I understood that independence in the harem was important. Relying on someone else could lead to your downfall.

"Yes," the Emperor scratched the back of his head. "Mother is planning to arrange a marriage for her to the marquis."

Hua Yang wouldn't want that.

"She won't be practising medicine anymore?" I asked.

Not only did I want to do this for myself, but I wanted to do this for Hua Yang. The devastation of her not being able to truly practice medicine was upsetting. I decided I wanted to make a change. She would respect me more and stay by my side, yes, but I would also gain happiness from seeing her shine.

"What are you implying, Ying Yue?" the Emperor's voice dulled, but he looked at me with curiosity. His eyebrows slightly furrowed while I stopped to think about my next words. The dangling pieces from my hair distracted me.

How can I say it? I had trouble trying to articulate my words because the pressure was on me. I had the Emperor's full attention.

"Female physicians," I struggled to even say the words. I faced the Emperor, beaming at him. The gears in his head were already turning. "Do you think Hua Yang can be capable of being the first female physician?"

The Emperor avoided my gaze and looked at the ground. "Women aren't physicians, Ying Yue."

"They could be," I replied, toying with the sleeves of my hanfu. Like a hawk, I watched his expression. He was still in a relaxed mood from the guqin. The dullness of his tone didn't match the shine of his eyes.

He didn't respond, and neither did I choose to anger him. But I didn't want to back down. I couldn't bear to go out of this place to see the villages. The sexism, the injustice, I didn't want to be exposed to it.

History was so scary because of that.

I leaned over to him. He looked at me, his face filled with thought. He wasn't paying attention to our surrounding environment in the room.

I was a few inches close to him. "Think about how much Hua Yang would like this..."

The Emperor, still in thought, studied my face. His eyes wandered to my lips and the other features of my face before looking back into my eyes.

"This would give many young women job opportunities," I whispered, then grinning at him like I was a child. "We could make a nation filled with intelligent people! Not just one demographic."

I was waiting for him to shut me down. I was waiting for him to tell me that my idea was stupid. My enthusiasm was so childish, so naive... but he looked at me, studying me for the longest time before he moved a muscle. Something about him lit up. I waited, waited for disappointment but he simply gave me a short nod with his lips curled.

I wondered why he was so open-minded.