I almost stormed into the room in the morning. The morning assembly I held with the concubines was short because Jaxon was on my mind. There was an itch—an urge almost—to skip the morning assembly because I had more important things to do. But I couldn't.

Throughout the time I spent with the concubines, I tried my best to hold my tears in, but I ended up being teary-eyed.

This was the first time I showed any emotion in front of a large audience. I wasn't embarrassed. I wanted to let them know that I've been through a lot. I didn't want to have this tough girl look all the time. The Empress was crying. She wasn't always this dominating woman. Embracing this Empress side—this feminine side is to not be afraid to become vulnerable. It was fine to show your emotions.

Dismissal was early this time.

"How is he?" I looked at the physician. I tried to walk in nonchalantly because it'd raise suspicion as to why I was being so frantic about the Emperor's advisor.

The physician bowed. "He's doing fine and will recover very soon, Your Majesty."

I knew what he was thinking with the look on his face. Even with my superior acting skills, I couldn't hide the concern on my face. My heart was pounding at the speed of light in this silent room. The physician could've heard the thuds against my chest.

When he studied my reaction, I gave him a quick smile.

"We discussed a few issues together," I reassured the physician, doing my best to knock down any thoughts about an affair. "...And he saved my life yesterday."

With that, the physician nodded. "I shall take my leave first then, Empress."

He bowed once again and left the room to us.

My mind was wandering. I didn't want to walk another step forward. I recalled what happened after Hua Fa led me back, and how devastated I was.

It was dark and rainy when I was bombarded with guards around my palace. They assumed that I may be attacked when I return to my palace, but it never happened. When I was being protected in my palace, I didn't feel safe.

All I was thinking was how unfair it was that Jaxon was out there somewhere, while I was being protected. The weather was so bad that I was almost sure that they'd leave Jaxon there to die. To be a useless person and to not do anything about it, killed me.

I prayed that night. I didn't go to the Imperial shrine and pray, but I prayed with my back against my bed. Hua Er prayed with me. After, I laid in bed with the flashbacks of the arrow in his chest. I fell asleep to the booming thunder and the heavy raindrops against the roof. Just like the rain, I shed tears of my own.

It wasn't surprising to know who was responsible for the rebellion.

The second prince was behind all of it. He thought I was incompetent and I would cause the downfall of the Wang Dynasty. He thought that the Emperor was whipped for me and granted me all this access to information I shouldn't be having. Honestly, it was obvious. He never liked me, ever. The officials stopped the excessive amount of hate towards me, but he never stopped. There was always the set of hateful eyes of his, lingering on me.

Prince Jing, and now the second prince. How many more will come to hurt me?

", is that you?" Jaxon's voice was raspy, which caused a sharp tingle in my body.

In an angle to where I was standing, I watched him shift his upper body up from the bed. When we both made eye contact, I stopped worrying.

He looked fine, for the most part. His top was off and he was shirtless. I let my eyes wander on his toned muscles, but the wrap against his chest told me that he was still injured. There were dark circles under his eyes and he looked sleep-deprived, but I expected something worse. What I expected, was that he was in a coffin and I'd have to go home myself.

The image of his body lying, unaware of my presence, caused me to burst into tears. I suddenly let go of all the tears I repressed this morning and ran to the bed. As I kneeled, I peered up at him.

"I'm glad you're okay," I spoke, but my voice was breaking. Hot tears continued to flow effortlessly, and I couldn't control it. "I... I thought it impaled you..."

"I had armour," Jaxon gave me a sloppy smile and rested the palm of his hand on the back of my neck. "I'm very lucky to survive, though."

'Thank you', was what I wanted to scream out. I couldn't. My tears were causing me to choke on my words into incoherent nonsense. It wasn't the first time he saw me cry but this time, it was intimate.

Jaxon held my hand that rested on the edge of the bed. I let him. After a few seconds of my uncontrollable sobbing, I looked him in the eyes and sniffed. "Thank you..."

"I want the b-both of us to make it out alive... This went too far," I whispered. My throat was tightened and I had to push out my words. "I don't know what I'd do if... if..."

I couldn't finish. The burst of emotions blasted out of my body and I let myself at it in front of him. He watched me silently, rubbing his thumb against the back of my hand. I didn't know what to say, because there was just too much.

Jaxon without me. Me without Jaxon. I would've never left if Jaxon wasn't coming with me. It wouldn't be fair. I wanted to make this fair. We needed to leave soon. I can't risk it anymore. I don't want to fight with him anymore. I want to leave.

While I put my head down and wept, even more, I felt the softness of his hand soothe my hair. It was a gentle act of affection. "I'm here, am I not? It was my job to protect you. I promised I would protect you, remember? Do you remember our talk at the bridge?"

"Y-Yes..." I swallowed the disgusting snot build up in my throat.

"Don't cry, I'm fine," he responded. His voice was usually husky and intense but when he spoke to me in this current moment, it was soft. It was mellow.

I cleared my throat. "I'm just shocked... That's it."

After wiping my tears and grabbing the cloth Jaxon gave me, I blew my nose loudly. It was the sound of two trumpets in a bad symphony orchestra.

"I understand now," Jaxon whispered as he watched me blow my nose.

I blew my nose again, this time, even louder.

He slightly winced but kept his composure together. I slightly laughed behind the cloth but my tears were still wet.

"Understand what?" I folded the cloth gently and placed it on the table next to the bed. It was neat and it looked clean. Hopefully, I remember to take it out before the maids come. It wouldn't look that good on me.

Jaxon leaned back against the headboard. He looked up in thought. "You need to be authoritative here... I was just so worried that you'll make more enemies. I know I may have worded it incorrectly, but I... I was wrong."

"Sh... It's fine" I held his hand now. He looked upset as he avoided eye contact with me, but his stern look was still present. "It's over now. We've made up. You've done enough for me."

I was afraid to lose him. I was so afraid because I knew him. We are close. Without him, I wouldn't be where I am standing. Without him, I couldn't have discovered the recipe. Without him, I would feel alone in this place. I kept convincing myself that I never needed him, but all this time, I did.

Without him, I would've died.

I needed him. Standing here as 'Empress', I needed someone that understood me. The Emperor understood me on a power level, but Jaxon understood me on a personal level.

Jaxon. He sounded safe on the tip of my tongue. And the way he looked at me, was always a reassurance that we'd get out of here alive. I was grateful that someone was stuck here with me. If not, I think I would've been stuck here for eternity.

But it was the 'losing him' part that scared me. I already lost Guan Shu, Rong Er, Chang Ying and Chen Xi. Although I haven't met them for a long time, they still meant a lot to me. They were close to me. Guan Shu and Chang Ying, they've been there for me almost since the beginning.

My tears dropped on the bedsheet. I had to let all of it go. "I... I just... I just didn't want to lose another person anymore."

"Before I stepped in this room... Yesterday on that horse, I just kept on wondering," I tried to swallow my tears, but I ended up choking on my words again. "... How many more people will I have to lose to win?"

Jaxon shifted under the blanket. He bit his bottom lip as I cried. He tried his best to comfort me by rubbing my hand. "No more. You already won... There will be no more losses..."

"I know the struggles. I know this act that you put on to assert your dominance," Jaxon spoke softly as I was positioned awkwardly to cry on his stomach. "I was wrong... You were right all along. Machiavelli once said, 'It's better to be feared than loved.'"