Questions and answers compiled from the Arcade Down & Dirty discussion group facilitated by Jessica Harrod and Bridget Sinclair, Youth Services Workers, St. Stephen's Community House

In no particular order...

1) Does sex hurt, and if so, why?

Sex for girls, especially the first time, can be painful and there are a few reasons for this. If you are nervous about having sex for the first time, getting caught, etc., your muscles may tense up, resulting in your vagina being very tight. This will make it difficult for the penis to enter, and it will be uncomfortable. Also, the vagina needs lubrication for sex to be comfortable. If you are not lubricated, sex can cause friction, which is painful or irritating. SO lube up ladies! (See next question for info on lubes.)

Finally, women have this lovely little layer of tissue called the hymen that sometimes covers the vaginal opening. When the hymen is torn, it can sometimes be painful, and even bleed a little bit. The hymen can also be torn by riding a horse, inserting a tampon, masturbating ... anything really.

2) How can I make sex more pleasurable?

Firstly, most people agree that having sex with someone you care about, respect and feel respected by, and are turned are on by can really help to make sex more enjoyable.

Also, masturbating and finding out what you like is totally important to helping your partner pleasure you! Don't be afraid to tell your partner what you like and don't like ... it's sexy, so lend a helping hand!

Before you have sex, try having lots of foreplay. Make out, touch each other, get your partner to eat you out, or masturbate. This will help you relax, make you wetter and bring you closer to achieving an orgasm. While having sex, don't forget about the clit! Find a position where it's easy for your partner to touch your clit during sex (like woman on top). Most girls orgasm from clitoral stimulation, not vaginal penetration! It's all about experimentation; everyone's different, and exploring what makes you feel good with your partner and on your own is tons of fun!

Another helpful tip for girls is to USE LUBE when you are having sex. If you are using a latex condom, make sure you use water-based lube, cuz oil-based lube can make the condom break.

3) What and where are the clitoris and the G-spot?

The clitoris is a sexual organ and the only part of the human body designed purely for pleasure! So here are some quick directions on how to find it: where the lips of your vagina meet at the top (the end furthest from your bum) there's a small fold of skin, and hiding underneath is the clit. As you get aroused, the clit will swell with blood .... it's kinda like a girl's version of an erection.

The G-spot is a bit more complicated; in fact, it'll probably take a while to master it on your own, let alone with a partner. The G-spot is a mass of nerve tissue inside the vagina. Slowly insert one or two lubricated fingers into the vagina, and using your index finger, make a "come here" motion with your fingers. Some women find this incredibly exciting, but some are indifferent or don't like it at all.

SO there ya go! Find a private place where you and your partner can find your clit and G-spot together, and have fun!

4) How do you put on a condom?

• Here are a few quick easy steps on how to put on a condom!

• Store your condoms in a cool, dry place.

• Check the packaging to make sure the condom has not expired, and carefully tear the package open ... don't bite it, the condom might rip!

• For extra pleasure put a drop or two of water-based lube inside the condom.

• Squeeze the tip of condom with your forefinger and thumb when rolling the condom all the way down the erect penis. This will leave space for the semen.

• After ejaculation, withdraw the penis while holding the condom firmly in place.

• Tie the condom in a knot so you don't spill any of the cum, and throw it out in the garbage. Do not flush it down the toilet.

5) How do you give oral sex?

Giving oral sex is all about communication ... in fact, all sexual activities are about communication! Telling partners what feels good is so important. Also, with any sort of oral sex you want to find a position that you're both comfortable in, considering you don't know how long you're going to be down there!

When giving oral sex to a woman, focus on the clitoris-lick it, suck it, kiss it, all that fun stuff. One technique is to spell out the alpha- bet with your tongue on your partner's clit!

When giving head to a guy, the main pleasure spot is around the head of the dick. Most guys don't enjoy the feeling of teeth when receiving head - to avoid this, put your lips over your teeth. Remember that you don't have to swallow his semen when he ejaculates; it's totally up to you. In fact, you don't have to have his cum in your mouth at all! Just ask him beforehand to tell you when he's going to cum, and finish him off with your hand.

Oral sex isn't for everyone. If it isn't something you enjoy doing, remember that you don't have to! There are tons of fun alternatives to oral sex.

6) What does an orgasm feel like?

An orgasm is a feeling of intense pleasure, and it's almost impossible to explain! Here are some people's attempts:

-it's an explosive, ecstatic, avalanche of sensations

-it's a rollercoaster ride

-it's like lowering into a hot bath -it's a surge of energy

-it's like a really great sneeze

Sorry I can't explain better, and I know this sucks to hear, but you'll know when you have one!

7) If I have sex when I'm on my period, can I get pregnant?

Yes! You can get pregnant ! The only way to help prevent pregnancy is finding a birth control method that works for you. See the chapters on birth control, STIs, and HIV/AIDS for more information on how to protect yourself.

8) What counts as losing your virginity?

This is different for everyone; however, most people consider the losing of virginity the act of penetration with another person. It's up to you what you want to define as your own virginity.

9) How do girls masturbate?

Most women masturbate by rubbing, touching, stroking, etc., their clitoris. You can do this with your hands, although some women enjoy using a dildo, vibrator, pillow, or any other prop they can use to pleasure themselves. It's a good idea to find a place where you have privacy and you can relax and take your time enjoying your body.

10) What do I do if I think/know I'm pregnant?

If you think you're pregnant, you should first talk to someone you trust. You can also get a home pregnancy test or go to a clinic two weeks after the suspected impregnating act. If you go before that, the results may not be accurate.

If you are pregnant, you have three options: abortion, adoption, or motherhood. Abortion is the terminating of a pregnancy, adoption is carrying the pregnancy to term and then allowing the child to be raised by another family, and motherhood is carrying the pregnancy to term and keeping the child.

None of these decisions is going to be easy to make, and it's important to think it through and determine what will be right for you. If you are a teen and pregnant, it would probably be a good idea to find a counselor to help go through these options so you can know the facts and the details for all of them. Remember, having a child isn't the end of the world. There are tons of awesome, successful young mothers!

For more information, see Chapter Five and the resources section at the back of this book.